Nearly FMLs

By Airhead - 16/04/2016 23:18 - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Today I ran into my sister's friend. I hadn't seen her in a while and she used to be hot. She wasn't. I merrily asked her when was her second child due. She wasn't pregnant. She never had a child. She can't have babies. She tried for years. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 2

By Anon - 16/04/2016 23:06 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend. He sang a little jingle, and assuming he heard it from tv, I asked, "Commercial?" He didn't hear me correctly, and he thought I said "Marshall". Now, he refuses to speak to me until I tell him who 'Marshall' is. He doesn't believe that he just misheard me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 16/04/2016 22:27 - Canada - Okanagan

Today, I went to the bathroom at work. Someone took my water bottle and my notebook. This wouldn't be a big deal if that notebook didn't have a story I've been working on for 2 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 16/04/2016 22:09 - United States - Ossining

Today, was my boyfriend's and I's year anniversary. He's extremely allergic to peanuts, and I thought nothing of the PBJ sandwich I'd had for lunch. Let's just say that our make out session ended up in the emergency room. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 2

By awkward - 16/04/2016 22:03 - United States - Red Bank

Today, I tried to act social and outgoing to meet new people, even though I'm usually not. All of my friends called me "Really Annoying" and won't talk to me. I guess that's what I get for trying to be sociable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By :/ - 16/04/2016 21:48 - United States - Red Bank

Today, my class was telling stories about near death experiences. When I mentioned the time I almost drowned, everyone started laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 16/04/2016 21:47 - Canada - North Bay

Today, I was feeling pretty lucky so I decided to buy some scratch tickets. Apparently I wasn't, as when I got back, I realized that the pocket I put them in had a hole in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 16/04/2016 21:44 - United States - Oxnard

Today, I found out that the beautiful boy who helps me with my coursework every Sunday afternoon at the coffee shop, is the boy who has been sneaking out of my roommates bedroom every night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By no - 16/04/2016 21:17 - United States - Irvington

Today, my boyfriend just told me I'm annoying mean and a liar, but that he likes my body, so he's going to keep dating me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By awkward - 16/04/2016 21:15 - United States - Glens Falls

Today, I drove an hour to meet my friend early in the afternoon. Little did I know, he forgot to tell me that he gets out of work at 6. I had to wait 5 awkward hours in his relative's house waiting for him, only to be told that we can't meet- 10 minutes before he was supposed to get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 16/04/2016 20:49 - United States - Staten Island

I broke my foot and needed crutches. When I went to Walmart I was going to use the scooters. A fat man saw and literally ran over to it. I had to push a cart with crutches the whole time. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 16/04/2016 20:41 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I feel asleep in my backyard to the sounds of my neighbors playing basketball. Next thing I know I wake up in agony after my neighbors hit me in the dick with a basketball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By BlackAndBlue - 16/04/2016 20:32 - United Kingdom - Newport

Today, I was messing around with a plastic cup, and I sucked the air out of it to stick it to my face as a joke to amuse my friends. I left the cup there for too long and now I have three, dark purple bruises on my chin. I look like someone punched me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 16/04/2016 20:31 - United States - Hurricane

Today I was tired of my husband and his anger control issues. I decided to imitate him. He kicked a patio chair, so I kicked one. Broke all my toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By omgwhatname - 16/04/2016 20:24 - United States - Kent

Today, I got my period in class. When I asked my teacher if I could go to the bathroom, she gave me the 10 minute may I/can I speech. I bled through my pants during the lecture. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By gamewizard - 16/04/2016 20:20 - United States - Auburn

Today, while I was at work my boss said that he needed me. When I went in there he said "you're getting a raise!" He then said "just kidding! Copy these papers will ya?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By ThisIsFucked. - 16/04/2016 20:16 - United States - New York

Today, I found my my family still talks to my ex bestfriend, the one who sent my boyfriend nudes. They all say it's my fault that we aren't friends anymore and that they miss her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 16/04/2016 20:08 - Canada - Niagara-on-the-lake

Today, some guy asked me out. I told him politely as possible that I had a boyfriend. He called me a friend zoning bitch and then spat on my shoes. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By animalsarelife - 16/04/2016 19:56 - United States - Springdale

Today, I overheard my wife say to my 4 year old daughter, "go ask Daddy if you can watch TV," to which my daughter responded, "which daddy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By dumped - 16/04/2016 19:26 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, my boyfriend came into the restaurant I work at with another girl. When he saw my shocked expression he said, "This is my way of breaking up with you." I then got written up for crying on the job. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By Apachi - 16/04/2016 19:19 - Georgia - Tbilisi

Today my girlfriend dumped me because her mother doesn't like the messages we send to each other in facebook chat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By SugarAndTheBeast - 16/04/2016 19:15 - Canada - Toronto

Today, after months of begging him, my nearly adult son finally admitted to what drug he's addicted to. Not with words, mind you, but after nearly clotheslining a group of kids to get to free ice cream first, I assume it's sugar. I would have prefered weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By fuck u dad - 16/04/2016 19:15 - United States - Fairfax

Today, I started shaving. My dad shaved me just so that he could show me how it is done. He then purposely gave me razor burns all over my face. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By wellthissucks - 16/04/2016 19:09 - United States

Today, My only and best friends are dating each, which is awesome, however I found out one of them is cheating on the other and they made me swear not to tell. Either way I feel like a shitty friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By GrifGuy - 16/04/2016 18:49 - United States

Today, I was eating at a restaurant when my stomach gave me REALLY bad problems. I rushed to the bathroom(that held 1 person) and had to sit through 5 awkward minutes of someone banging on the door. When I finished, I came out to an angry father with his kid who was crying due to peeing his pants.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By omgaprilrox - 16/04/2016 18:39 - United States - Apopka

Today, my boss told me I "need to get my priorities straight" because I requested to get off work 3 hours early tonight for a show I'm performing. I requested this 2 months ago... he's the one who approved it.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By fuckmeforlife7 - 16/04/2016 18:23 - Australia - Dandenong

Today, I learned why it is important to check your fly is done up when you don't wear underwear, as an elderly lady twice my age pointed out that she hadn't seen one of those in a while while pointing and smiling

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By dood. - 16/04/2016 18:14 - United States - Billings

Today, I was cleaning out a fitting room at work. A lady came out of one and had the biggest grin on her face. I went to see if she left any clothes on there. She pooped in the fitting room. I walked out to see her wink at me and say "job security" as she walked away laughing.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By iamSilverz - 16/04/2016 17:55 - United States - Henderson

Today, my teacher forced me to read a passage. After I attempted to read it, she got really mad because she said I was "purposely reading it wrong." Even though I had told her multiple times that I am dyslexic, she still doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By burnin down the house - 16/04/2016 17:53 - United States

Today, I turned the oven on to bake cookies. I started smelling something burning and opened it to see a paper towel with a biscuit on it. I asked my dad and he said "he was going to warm it up and forgot to take it out" FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

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The Top

Today, I found out I’m pregnant. This would be joyful news, if the father wasn’t my friend’s soon-to-be husband. I’m one of the bridesmaids at their wedding tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 4 568

Today, I finally told the girl I've been after for more than a year that I'm attracted to her. Her response? A slight hug with a pat on the back as she said "There, there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 943

You deserved it 4 689

Today, I went to a hospital in Uganda, where I'm working with an NGO for the summer. I had a high fever and other symptoms of malaria. They gave me a test, and I don't have malaria. I'm now however sick from the water they gave me to wash down a medication to reduce fever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 939

You deserved it 3 341

Today, after waiting two months to attend a very important course, I finally got to go. This is the same day I caught a horrible cold, got Auntie Flow’s monthly visit, my IBS flared up, and my acid reflux as well. So here I go, crampy, constipated, congested, and gassy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 238

You deserved it 278

Today, I actually had to reassure the girl I'm seeing that she can't "catch" my epilepsy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 761

You deserved it 1 724

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend after we went to my family reunion. I heard him complaining that I didn't have any "slutty cousins" he could cheat on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 694

You deserved it 208