Nearly FMLs

By lonelyjoke - 17/04/2016 12:24 - United Kingdom - Smethwick

Today, while working a night shift at a bar, a girl asked me if I had a spare cigarette, I gave her one and she gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek, this is the most action I've had in 6 months. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 0

By Bawsack - 17/04/2016 11:51 - United Kingdom - Edinburgh

Today, my home got burgled. While I was giving my statement at the police station, my landlord popped by to change the locks and secure the front door. He's just informed me that I'm being evicted for 'failure to keep the property clean and tidy'. It's only a mess because of the burglary. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By residing security shack owner - 17/04/2016 11:49 - United States - Gibson

Today, my coworker commented on the fact that the windows to my security shack were steamed up, and the coworker I was hanging out with joked that we had been having gay sex. All of my coworkers smirk at me whenever they see me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Overthefleas - 17/04/2016 11:38 - Australia

Today, a flea jumped into my mouth. I have spent a forture on flea bombing the house, flea powder, new flea collars for the cat, flea bathing the cat and drowing the entire house and yard with flea spray. I should have just moved. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 0

By GuysAreJerks - 17/04/2016 11:14 - United States

Today, while with 3 guys I thought were my friends. One of them walked in on me naked in the shower. Twice. When I got reasonably pissed he said "people are so sensitive these days, you can't do anything without someone getting offended." FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By rhiannakirwan - 17/04/2016 10:00 - United Kingdom - Dukinfield

Today, I found out my boyfriend has been cheating on me with my sister. But it's OK though, they believe that because she's 'so much like me' it's just like he's fucking me, and they're confused why I'm mad. We have a 4 year old. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By incredibly disappointed - 17/04/2016 09:59 - United States

Today, at my senior prom, the power went out immediately after the dinner portion of the night, there was no dancing or even music, it was the last "high school thing" my girlfriend and I had before we graduate. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Anonymous - 17/04/2016 09:54 - Singapore - Singapore

Today i had a math test. i didn't know how to do one question so i passed the person beside me a note asking," do you know how to do question 4?" Ten minutes before test ended he passed me a note saying," Yeah i do." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 17/04/2016 09:48 - Singapore - Singapore

Today i was caught using phone during class. My teacher told me to get my mom to come down to school. Oh yeah, the teacher is my father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By rhiannakirwan - 17/04/2016 09:47 - United Kingdom - Dukinfield

Today, I realised how sad my life really is, when I made numerous fake accounts on Facebook just to boost up likes on my profile picture. The worst part? People at school found out and I'm now constantly called 'loser liker'. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 2

You deserved it 1

By sincerelyj - 17/04/2016 09:37 - United States - Sacramento

Today, I was happy when my neighbors & their 3 screaming babies finally moved out. Well, now a bunch of frat boys live there & luckily they don't have a screaming baby. Instead, they have a loud speaker, entertaining their party members. It's been 3 days! FML.

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Strawberry Milk - 17/04/2016 09:28 - United Kingdom - Broseley

Today, my brother and I made ourselves a bowl of cereal and discovered the milk had a strawberry taste. Having enjoyed it so much we made more cereal. When I started pouring the milk, it came out in chunks. Guess we love the taste of the seperated milk that settled on top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By arabian22 - 17/04/2016 08:49 - United States - San Diego

Today, for the third time this week, I ordered from a coffee shop where they loudly pronounced my name "Osama." It's Asma. And yes, I'm Muslim. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By Yatagurusu - 17/04/2016 08:42 - United Kingdom - Maidstone

Today, My phone was broken I used my 10 year old brothers tablet. When I went on Google I found my brother had searched for 'naked girls shower sex'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By graceh1211 - 17/04/2016 08:40 - United Kingdom - Tonbridge

Today, I was skimming stones and accidentally hit a 5 year old in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 17/04/2016 08:33 - United States - Glendale

Today, I dropped my iPhone from a quarter of an inch off the ground. The screen shattered. This is the second time.FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By ReiracsNeve - 17/04/2016 07:30 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to sleep at a friends house. Apparently he likes to listen to nightcore and dubstep to fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By FuckingHeteros - 17/04/2016 07:22 - Australia - Burwood

Today my heterosexual "genderqueer" roommate gave me a lecture about how in the modern world, gay people are too privileged and contribute to the "patriarchy". I still have VERY noticeable scarring over half my face from when my mother threw hot oil at me when I came out as a lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By badluckbernie - 17/04/2016 07:03 - United States - Caribou

Today, I was knocked out by a random person who mistook me as part of a nearby group of people he wanted to fight. When the police arrived, instead of medical treatment or listening to what happened, I was arrested and booked for disorderly conduct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

By DivorceIsNear - 17/04/2016 05:45 - United States - Helena

Today, It is my anniversary with my husband of 13 years. I got a beautiful heartwarming text from my husband saying " I love you from the ground to the sky and I can't wait to see you tonight Tory" my husband said he was working late tonight and my name is not Tory. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 0

By Ahhhhh - 17/04/2016 05:26 - United States - Clearwater

Today, I realized that in order to wear a bathing suit, I have to shave my butt first, if I don't want kids pointing and saying, "Mommy why is she so hairy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 17/04/2016 05:13 - United States

Today, a cute girl came up to me while I was on my smoke break and asked if she could buy one for a dollar off of me. I told her it would only cost her one phone number and started to hand it to her. "Nevermind, I should probably quit anyway" was the response I got. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By BizzyTink - 17/04/2016 04:45 - United States - El Dorado

Today, while at work one of my regular customers that is old enough to be my father told me that he loved me while he was hitting on me. This is not the first time either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By why me - 17/04/2016 04:29 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I slammed the car door on my thumb, which resulted in me screaming "FUCK!" Right in front of my 7 year old niece. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Anonymous - 17/04/2016 04:27 - United States - Germantown

Today, my 16 year old daughter accidentally sent me a sext intended for her boyfriend. Even more disturbing, she gave him permission to wear his "Trump hat". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By tamperedt - 17/04/2016 04:24 - United States - Barnegat

Today, my dad told me that I have a week to move out because I told my older brother to drive safe and signal. My brother became a junkie over the last year and has stolen from my family and chose a prostitute over the family. He can stay as long as he wants, rent free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 1

By PumaGator - 17/04/2016 04:20 - United States - Old Bridge

Today, I decided to be nice and send my friend the answers to my homework since he claimed not to understand. I then had to sit (alone, mind you) after class with my English teacher and explain why my and 14 other people's homework were identical. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 2

By Superbubbs - 17/04/2016 04:19 - United States - League City

Today, I got my braces off after 8 years. When I was 5, the dentist said they had to pull a tooth so I said, "This one's wiggly, pull it!", and they said they had to pull a different one. After surgery I heard them say they took the wrong tooth, and actually needed the tooth I told them to pull. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By FeelingPrettyHurt - 17/04/2016 04:16 - United States - Hollywood

Today, I told my best friend that she was not allowed to give her boyfriend a hand-job at my house. She threatened to get jizz on my clothes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

By Awkward4thewin - 17/04/2016 04:14 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I sat down on a public toilet seat, it was still warm from the person who sat on it last. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 1

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The Top

Today, I was driving home with my dad after buying a new truck. We were on the freeway and the engine wasn't revving up very much. My dad thought that something was wrong with my transmission, so he reached over to change gears. Most cars won't go into reverse at high speeds. Mine does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 253

You deserved it 3 136

Today, tired of my social anxiety making me look uncool, I told everyone I was going out partying tonight. I'm actually just going to watch 'Jersey Shore' and pretend I'm with the cast. Something even more sad? I'm really excited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 722

You deserved it 18 246

Today, I got in a hotel elevator. There was a kid in there also. He got off on the 3rd floor. As he was stepping from the elevator, he decided to press every single button. It's a 35 floor hotel. My room is on the 32nd floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 212

You deserved it 4 331

Today, I reached in between the couch cushions to see if my iPod had slipped in there. I didn't find my iPod, but I did find an old utility knife blade. With my fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 836

You deserved it 4 832

Today, I felt flexible in my yoga class. I put my legs in the butterfly position and tried to press them down. Both my hips popped very painfully and I screamed in the middle of a quiet room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 743

You deserved it 3 853

Today, I was at a restaurant with my boyfriend. He wound up drinking a whole bottle of wine, and when the bill came he drunkenly yelled at the waiter, claiming it should be free, because he's in the military "fighting for your freedom". He's a mechanic in the National Guard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 083

You deserved it 4 328