Nearly FMLs

By grandlisleguy - 27/01/2020 16:09

Today I came home from work and found my best buddy fucking my brother in the ass in our tv room. They stopped for minute said hi and went back to fucking. I went to my room to re-evaluate my thinking.

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 16

By unknowngurl420 - 27/01/2020 15:41

Today, i tried to have sex with my boss who i had an affair with. little did i know, his wife was hiding in the room, because she did not believe when my boss told there was nothing between me and him. now not only he is probably going to get a divorce, i got fired.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24

You deserved it 126

By Anonymous - 27/01/2020 08:16

Today my sweet nerdy 5”4 87 kilo boyfriend tried to prove his manliness by picking me up during sex. As I tried to tell him not to be so daft he dropped me, fracturing my coccyx. I’m the one with the broken butt but he’s actively sulking because he’s “not built like the Incredible Hulk” SMH FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 15

By suchamillennial - 27/01/2020 02:28

let me just say it’s 5:30 pm, well my bff & i somehow thought our flight home was tomorrow & then checked & it was today but then we thought it was at noon for some reason when it was actually at midnight last night so we have been sitting at the airport since 9 am waiting for our new 9:30 pm flight

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 78

By MelodramaticBeauty - 26/01/2020 20:16

Today while at work an old man needed help coming in through the door. I went down the few steps, helped him up with his walker then took his bill payment. Afterward I helped him down the steps as he followed behind then he stopped abruptly farted then peed on the last step before leaving.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 5

By blubz - 26/01/2020 20:02

Today, my fiancé was supposed to be taking his son to the airport. When I woke up, I stepped out of our room, naked, only to find out, they were both sitting on the couch. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 17

By redshadow310 - 26/01/2020 18:34

Today everyone was in a good mood as we nearly had more business than we could handle at my restaurant. Too bad I still have to fire everyone tomorrow when we shut our doors for good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 7

By OtherLife - 26/01/2020 08:04

Today, Last weekend, my friend and I were at a bar and we spotted an attractive guy and started talking about him. He later came over to talk to us. My friend began flirting with him and he flirted back. They ended up making out the whole night, making me the awkward third wheel.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 19

By Anonymous - 26/01/2020 00:04

Today my boyfriend compared me to his bicycle. I lost. apparently he enjoys the view from the bicycle more than the view of, well, me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 25/01/2020 23:35

I recently told my girlfriend I was feeling depressed and low-energy which she said she understood. I then happened to also get the flu and I was asleep for 24 hours. the next day she asked me if I wanted to have sex and I said no I still dont feel well. now shes upset, claiming that I dont want her

I agree, your life sucks 63

You deserved it 8

By nomad63 - 25/01/2020 18:01 - Czech Republic

Today, my boyfriend went to celebrate his friend’s birthday to another city. They were staying at his parents’ house and since he’s not out, it wouldn’t be “a good idea” for me to go with them. But bringing his ex was apparently okay cos he’s “part of the friend group”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 12

By Anonymous - 25/01/2020 15:36

Today, The other night me and my girlfriend were having sex and when I finished she whispered in my ear “ 30 seconds.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 31

You deserved it 64

By Anonymous - 25/01/2020 03:54

my current bf asked me to throw away my photos of me and my ex but i secretly hid them and forgot where they were until he found them while cleaning my room...fml

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 77

By KittenShitz - 24/01/2020 06:01

Today, I promised my overly clumsy self that I wouldn’t get hurt, then five minutes after that thought I got hit by a car and bruised my legs and ribs blue...

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 19

By "MelissaaAnnee" - 24/01/2020 01:35

Today it's been about a month since my ex asked about us getting back together, I'm all for it because we had a good relationship, however I've been protecting my heart this time around and yesterday I finally told him how I felt and now he's saying, "I don't know if I want to anymore" FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 48

By artaixcerveraa - 23/01/2020 23:59 - Spain - Murcia

Today, I fell off from a 5th. I was playing hide and seek with my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 16

By artaixcerveraa - 23/01/2020 23:33 - Spain - Murcia

Today, I found out my grandmother masturbating. Because of the moment I helped her. Then my father, her son, caught us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17

You deserved it 89

By Anonymous - 22/01/2020 20:31

Today, I was driving home with all my window&roof open a A driver that was mad decided throw her cigarette into my car.my 3 kids in the car and I thought my baby was being burned that bitch literally got away with everything I ended up being arrested for having a panic attack and rear ending her.

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 18

By Anonymous - 22/01/2020 17:01

Today I was sitting on my couch when I heard a knock at my door I opened it and my dog jumped out my door knocking down my buddy and ran outside. I was looking for him for an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 18

By Anonymous - 22/01/2020 08:12 - United States - West Newbury

Today, The other day, I went into my dad's bedroom to borrow his charger. I plugged my phone in and put it down on his bedside table. When I came back about an hour later, I noticed that the table I put my phone on was covered in a wet substance. I put my phone in a puddle of lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 29

By gerogero1 - 22/01/2020 08:28

Today after more than a year of the ending my 5 years relationship, I still think about her daily and dream of her constantly, she was toxic but I did love her Fml

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 22

By hens14 - 22/01/2020 06:51

My boyfriend and I are on a road trip and spent the night in Texas. While having sex, I have a huge orgasm and he proudly says “everything is bigger in Texas!”. He’s not wrong, but I laughed so hard I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to get him to finish too.

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 23

By Chelsea Schattner - 22/01/2020 04:55

Today as I was cleaning my living room my dog went into my bedroom and pulled on the cord for router. I heard a crash and went into my room too find the router on the floor in 4 pieces and a guilty looking dog. No it does not work anymore FML.

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 16

By Vivian Monson - 21/01/2020 20:40

I was laying on my couch watching a movie one night. I had my pillow and I was laying down on the couch. My cat jumps up on the arm of the couch, and proceeds to spray all over my head, the couch, and my pillow. Thanks Richard.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 12

By Anonymous - 21/01/2020 08:35

Today I managed to parallel park at work but for some insane reason when I went to take my seatbelt off I actually took off the handbrake. I rolled into my bosses bumper and scratched the shit out of it. My boss is a mean lawyer and I’m way down the totem pole so this is gonna cost me big time FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 27

By Anonymous - 20/01/2020 18:51 - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, I cannot eat anything because I have a colonoscopy tomorrow. My wife decided to poke fun at me by ordering Chinese food for the rest of the family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 20/01/2020 13:39

Today, my coworkers kept asking if I was "thirsty". I was unaware but a supervisor from another dept dropped 2-3 coffee straws down my underwear, took video & pictures. I overheard when I went to the bathroom.. They've shared it with nearly everyone and denied anything to Human Resources; my word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 10

By Anonymous - 20/01/2020 13:15

Today, I joined this high school regional orchestra. Day One, first chair trumpet players covered my seat in slide oil, I sat in it, had no idea and anytime I stood up everyone behind burst out laughing because it looked like I peed myself. Worst of all, this stuff didn't come out of my khakis all practice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 20/01/2020 02:15

Today I just realized that I put in the wrong gender for my FML. The comments expressed confusion because the FML about using the wrong razor for my face said I'm a woman. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 56

By Anonymous - 19/01/2020 15:59

I fell for my tinder match after one fuck

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 102

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I found out the man I have a date with next week is married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 064

You deserved it 122

Today, I had to stop my son from climbing out the window, slithering on the stairs like a snake, and attempting to call 911 to help bring him down from his “bad trip”. What caused all this? His older brother convinced him the dried mushrooms in the kitchen were ‘shrooms and the idiot beloved him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 163

Today, my coworker tried to convince my boss that I'm not human. Her examples of how I'm influenced by demons included how I don't wear a jacket in the winter, and that I once got a nosebleed from sneezing. My boss thinks she's hilarious and is playing along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 921

You deserved it 4 254

Today, I was woken up ungodly early by my dad, who didn't give me even 5 seconds to wake up before barking orders at me to clean the septic tank screen, because it was clogged, but he needed to go to work. Conveniently, he'd already had a shower and "didn't notice" the gurgling toilet until he was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 147

Today, while reading in the bath, I accidentally switched the shower on. Not wanting my book to get soaked, I threw it out of the tub. When I got out of the tub later, I found it had landed squarely in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 278

You deserved it 12 990

Today, we have elevators at my work, but you need to go to HR to get a key. I was denied one after I almost died in a car accident because I didn’t look “hurt enough.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 519

You deserved it 98