Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 10/02/2020 22:37

Today, I went to grab a couple free Carhartt coats from a regular at work who offered. After, I saw his motorcycles, and he showed me some old pictures of his bikes and shop. Among this pictures was also a Polaroid of him getting a blowjob. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 5

the big shame

By Anonymous - 10/02/2020 12:00

Today, I accidentally sent my mother, my naked picture. She replied “Is that a picture of your penis now or as a baby? lol”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 143

By Anonymous - 10/02/2020 15:52 - United Kingdom

Today, while on a night shift, a member of staff picked up a mop that was lying flat on the ground. We have really long mops, so much so that when she lifted it, it caught me right between the legs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 10/02/2020 15:21

Today, I was getting a Pap smear. After a few failed attempts with the swab the doctor looks up at me and says “I’m going to have to call for help” FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 4

The bad joke

By Anonymous - 10/02/2020 14:00

Today, as revenge for a big prank, I pulled last week my wife pretended to seduce me and asked me to strip dance for her. She was secretly recording the whole time and now Facebook can see me dance like a fool with a fireman's helmet on waving my boner around stuffed into one of her silk thongs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 253

You deserved it 388

By Anonymous - 10/02/2020 05:24

I finally got up the courage to tell my best friend how I felt about him. He basically told me to stop feeling that way. Our friendship ended & now he's getting married to someone he's dated less than a year in 2 weeks.

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 14

By Whyjustwhy15 - 10/02/2020 03:49

fuck my life my parents should’ve never had kids bc they surely didn’t prepare us for the finical future nor teach us the right skills we needed for life - I truly hate my life other than my kids & dog & due to inappropriate teaching I feel I have failed them finically & for their future f’k this!!

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 39

By "skittles4407 " - 09/02/2020 16:58

this weekend I met my new boyfriends three kids and I miss my own

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 23

By ChaosisQueen - 09/02/2020 10:33

Today I was watching a movie and eating popcorn on my bed. I spilled the bag and kept eating the popcorn off my sheets. The last piece I ate was soft. It wasn't a kernel. It was a cotton ball. A USED cotton ball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13

You deserved it 14

By markm1969 - 08/02/2020 23:01

Today actually Last night, while drunk, I sneaked in to mess around with my girlfriend. I found out in the morning it was my sister! She thought I was her boyfriend sneaking in instead! FML

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 29

By "Artise Cox" - 08/02/2020 20:18

today i found out the my now ex girlfriend was with me because her son liked me. Id spend time talking and playing video games with him while she would just ignore me. i broke up with her because her son text and called me more than she did. when i mentioned that to her, she didnt care.

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 08/02/2020 06:22

Today my girlfriend of 5 days broke up with me for school, have I done something wrong? FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 11

By bananapie69 - 08/02/2020 04:36

Today I was giving my husband a very enthusiastic BJ, booty in the air. To our surprise, my live-in mother-in-law barged in on us to sing happy birthday to him before he went to bed. Super awkward fml.

I agree, your life sucks 25

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 07/02/2020 20:37 - United States - Madison

I tried to give my client options for their dogs ear infection and he bitched me out for it. later he said sorry but not my face but to the veterinarian. Im a vet tech and was saying what the vet was saying but fuck me because I'm not the vet

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 08/02/2020 01:33

Today, I took my girlfriend out for ramen. At the restaurant, the waitress thought I was trying to order Chinese food. When I corrected her, she glared at me, and then made my food wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 08/02/2020 00:42

Today, my husband decided to take our two month old to buy drugs while I was at work. He then passed out on the side of the road. I had to pick up my child from the hospital. I had just signed her up for daycare...FML

I agree, your life sucks 23

You deserved it 7

By athinaj - 07/02/2020 22:29

my dad died of a massive heart attack last year, my mom is dying of cancer. We were just evicted out of my only; child hood home. And today i was forced to take my dog to the pound, i had him for 7 years... btw i just turned 17.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 07/02/2020 21:30

Today I told my daughter that me and my new wife do not want my ex-wife to attend my daughters wedding, my ex did raise her from 3-18 years of age but it would cause me and my new wife upset to see her, I have said I will not come to her wedding if my ex is invited and she still will NOT un-invite her.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 150

By "Maheen22" - 07/02/2020 21:07 - France

Today, and for a few months I've realized that the only way I can have freedom of anything is if I get married. My controlling parents imposed curfew, I need to take permission if I want to go out and I can't even get a job if I wanted because of all the rules since I'm a woman. Also, I'm 25. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 8

By sourgirl101 - 07/02/2020 20:44

Today, despite giving my manager months notice to take Mother’s Day weekend off to go to a 3 day concert, it was denied. Damn you Metallica for scheduling on the worst tour time for restaurant workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 07/02/2020 20:28

Today my boyfriend broke up with me because I wouldn't skip my grandmas 83rd birthday to play xbox with him.

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 3

By Anonymous - 07/02/2020 20:06

Today, I was studying in my car because of too much noise at home and my ex started scratching my car with a screwing driver for REVENGE. He cheated on me, I didn't...FFML

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 3

By Anonymous - 07/02/2020 12:52 - United States - Saint Paul

Today my ex wife is taking custody and the house on the grounds she earns a lot more than I, and enough to be stable. I am, or was a house stay at home dad, with the little ones and selling on Etsy. We arranged that so she could keep her nice job. It was my family home.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 07/02/2020 18:43

Today I am receiving the silent treatment from my boyfriend because I was upset that he downloaded Tinder....FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 07/02/2020 15:21

I’ve come to realize that I’m sexually attracted to my fiancé and her brother...FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 07/02/2020 14:55

I am moving in with my ldr girlfriend. today she told me she has a boyfriend.

I agree, your life sucks 23

You deserved it 8

By "Tamryn" - 07/02/2020 14:41

, I realized that a younger guy I hooked up with at a party last year is now a student at the VERY small university where I work and I have to teach some of his classes

I agree, your life sucks 25

You deserved it 17

By Sady_Ct - 07/02/2020 08:28

Today I got my first roster for my new job! All night shifts 8pm-4am 5 days a week including weekends, which is great! Today my neighbours got a drum kit. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 3

By fiat850 - 07/02/2020 03:47

Today, I had to read yet another FML about someone breaking wind while suffering from indigestion and being surprised that they passed a stool into their underwear. How does anyone older than 3 not know what diarrhoea is? FML

I agree, your life sucks 23

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 07/02/2020 03:36

Today, my hypochondriac of a wife claims shes disabled. she registered her evil, yappy pomeranians as service dogs and hauls them everywhere. These dogs are super mean and almost bit someone standing in line. I cant take her screeching at people when her dogs are questioned. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 4

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The Top

Today, I'm on my sixth straight day of double shifts, with four more to go. I make overtime so I'm not complaining, but today my wife texted me, "Going out of town tonight, I expect the house to be spotless when I return." Not sure how I'm going to swing this one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 128

Today, against my advice, my boyfriend decided to read Fifty Shades of Grey in an attempt to learn how to please me in bed. Now all he does is suck on my toes, and thinks it's weird that I don't spontaneously orgasm as if I'm some kind of nymphomaniacal weirdo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 359

You deserved it 5 378

Today, I went to a crowded Walmart with the hot new girl I'm dating. It was raining and we had to park far from the entrance. As soon as we got out of my car, she started sprinting to get out of the rain. I ran to catch up and slipped on a metal plate, and did a reverse Superman onto my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 084

You deserved it 5 572

Today, my daughter was stung by a bark scorpion, requiring a visit to the ER. Luckily, we were seen quickly. Unfortunately, due to a new policy, the medicine used to treat the sting is not available for children as it "might" cause low blood pressure. Awesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 087

You deserved it 247

Today, I tried yet again to get an appointment for the Covid plus flu vaccine. Nothing's available in my area for Covid, nothing's available in my area for the flu, and no Covid + flu shots. On the radio, they're telling us for the nth time that it's important to get vaccinated as flu season will be a doozie this year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 425

You deserved it 275

Today, my wife thinks I will agree to anything she says if she just pleasures me orally. I now found out, she is correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 882

You deserved it 41 201