Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 11/01/2020 20:22

Today my girlfriends insane parrot bit my nutsack from behind as we were doing doggy style and refused to let it go for nearly 15 minutes while she tried to tempt him away with food. Now I got 8 stitches in my sack and my girlfriend still refuses to get rid of the feathered bastard FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 19

By Anonymous - 11/01/2020 20:15

Today I am 18 and a few weeks ago I’m ashamed to say I had sex with my best friends 37 yo mom. She told me she’d keep it secret but this morning she texted me that she’s pregnant. My best mate punched me in the eye and I’m gonna be his half siblings dad in 7 months FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 101

By "UberAwesone" - 11/01/2020 20:08

Today, while out with friends I tried a shot of grappa moscato. Apparently it's veru strong as I then embarrassed myself by spitting it out and having a coughing fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25

You deserved it 8

By headbanger - 11/01/2020 14:43

While giving my husband head. He says” the one thing I did right is you” This is the nicest thing he has said to while giving him head. Apparently this is the only time I get compliments. His penis likes me more then his brain.

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 7

By LC - 09/01/2020 12:25

Today, my fiancée got back from a trip from Canada that I spent $1500 on so she could relax with some friends. Now she’s packing and moving to New York because she realized she’s happier without me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 23

By "TallMander" - 09/01/2020 03:14 - United States - Tampa

Today, i woke up at 7:10 and planned to get ready but i closed my eyes for 3 secs and its 8:10. i leave to my school at 8:00. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 65

By Iahim - 09/01/2020 08:11

Today i had to meet my girlfriend at 8 o’clock. I went earlier beacause i had something to do. When i arrived, i caught her kissing and touching the mailman at the front door ...She was so upset because i was staring at them that she broke up with me...FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 16

By Anonymous - 08/01/2020 23:31

My sister decided the best way to wake me was a punch in the nuts. She also made me wet the bed as she dipped my feet in water overnight which causes this. So today, when I went to return the favour, she heard and seen me, and I got another kick in the balls, spilling the water everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 19

By Anonymous - 08/01/2020 22:38

Today I was talking to my sister after 15 years of silence to reconnect. She told me the past is the past. Afterwards she talked an hour about the past and hate me cause I won't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 3

By Anonymous - 08/01/2020 21:00

TMI WARNING Today i was going to the bathroom, and I wiped. There was a hair stuck in my butt. I pulled it out. It was a very, very long hair. I have very, very short hair. I have no idea whose hair I ate and pooped out. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 07/01/2020 18:37 - Norway - Sandefjord

Today, I was on a date with a girl I had been texting with for 4 months. Suddenly, her ex-boyfriend came by, and he came to our table to say hi. He joined our table for the rest of the evening, and they left together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 07/01/2020 17:13

Today, my sister kicked me in the balls for no reason at all. By the time I recovered I was late for work and got a warning when I got in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 34

By Anonymous - 07/01/2020 02:04

Today, my boyfriend's best friend, who hates me, made a gross joke about our...private life, and my boyfriend refused to do anything about it, so I went out for a jog. Guess who suddenly got super constipated while 15 minutes away from the house? Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 150

By Anonymous - 04/01/2020 22:24 - United States - Des Moines

Today, I discovered that my work had charged me for a “gift” I had received for Christmas. They decided I needed a watch more then money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 118

You deserved it 13

By "everyusernamethatitriedwastakenfml" - 05/01/2020 03:51

i went to the university where i wanted to transfer and take up a new course there but i got rejected because i dropped my major subjects from the previous course that i took. :")

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 53

By Anonymous - 05/01/2020 03:47

Today, I remember that the other day I fucked a girl for the first time in a year, 3rd girl of my life, she blocked me hard the next day n then 4 days later my dick got pink dots on the top.... FML

I agree, your life sucks 38

You deserved it 72

By Anonymous - 04/01/2020 21:51

Today, I was reminded of that popular quote that a falling sandwich will always land on the side with the spread on it. Well, guess what: The same is true for pizza. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 11

By Anonymous - 04/01/2020 13:13

Today, Tonight, I found out my boyfriend ("who is so in love with me") payed a girl on Instagram $45 to send explicit photos/videos. She did, he left the evidence, her name....is his mothers name.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 14

By sad, sad man - 03/01/2020 18:55

Today my friends girlfriend sent me nudes. When I told him about it, he denied it. She is refusing that she ever sent them and both my friend and his girlfriend hate me.

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 15

By Antanas Simkus - 03/01/2020 10:12

Today, I washed and vacuumed my car, filled up, turned on Uber driver app hoping to make extra cash. Immediately I ran over a skunk and little bastard somehow sprayed my car. The smell is horrid and I can't take any more passengers untill I spend $150 to clean and detail the car.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 20

By Anonymous - 02/01/2020 23:27 - Canada - Kitchener

I was leaving for a trip and had a lot of packing to do so I took an aderall to help me get everything done. As the night went on I started sexting this guy, which lead to me masturbating. My mom then walked in on me touching myself. I was stuck in the car with her for 10 hours.................FML.

I agree, your life sucks 39

You deserved it 79

By Anonymous - 03/01/2020 05:25

Today, my boyfriend of six years broke up with me. today I also found out I'm pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 11

By Anonymous - 01/01/2020 22:08

Today, I accidentally sent pictures of me playing with myself that were meant for my husband, to my DAD! He is on a date, so I can't delete the messages. I want to be buried right about now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55

You deserved it 94

By Anonymous - 01/01/2020 19:38

Today I just got back from surgery to have two fingers sewn back on. On New Years some bastard kids threw an enormous firework into my garden and frightened the shit out of my dog who went mad and started attacking everything, including my fingers FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 9

By "T3XASQU33N1997" - 01/01/2020 09:14

my mother in law and I went to a sex store and while we were ready to purchase the items we had to watch a Russian porn star try on every item she was buying for her video shoot. During that, my mother in law ask me if I think my Father in law will like the sex outfit she bought for herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 22

By Aditya Shah - 01/01/2020 06:09

Today I got super horny and went to the bathroom and fingered my self I cumed so hard that I shat on my hand...FML!!

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 132

By Soni94 - 01/01/2020 03:27

Gift exchanging Bought my mum present for new year’s and decided to stay home 1 week as on holiday. Just to realise 1 hours before midnight, I left the gift in my locker at work.

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 23

By Anonymous - 31/12/2019 23:35

Today, after barely surviving this year, 2019 decided to deliver a final gut blow with me getting rear ended in my new car. I'm ringing 2020 in the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 31/12/2019 10:37

Today, I read about this anonymous site on another anonymous site and here I am.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 27

By Anonymous - 31/12/2019 04:58

My cat was sitting on the back of the couch. He sneezed on my head and when i said “bless you” he jumped in my lap and let out the nastiest fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 23

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, I was supposed to have my first job interview for a bakery franchise. Turns out all the applications are submitted to every store, and I was called to the wrong one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 403

You deserved it 122

Today, my boyfriend forgot our anniversary. But it's okay; I wasn't expecting anything after he forgot my birthday, Valentine's Day, and my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 261

You deserved it 28 641

Today, I went to my local bank after getting an email from them concerning unknown purchases. Four hours later, I was still in police custody. Someone had been using my account to purchase guns and drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 146

You deserved it 155

Today, my dad admitted to dating and getting my stepdaughter pregnant, and they’re very happy. My wife is furious. Meanwhile, my brother pointed out it’s a real life version of the Willie Nelson song. Once the baby is born, our inbred family tree will result in me technically being my own grandad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 516

You deserved it 99

Today, this guy I was seeing dumped me for "bombarding" him with text messages. I'd sent him one text asking if he was okay, after he stood me up 2 nights in a row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 882

You deserved it 1 813

Today, I walked into work, a day after losing my shit with our systems admin, due to her taking ages to enable my new email account. I was soon bitched out, warned, and suspended over several lewd emails having been sent overnight from my account to various female co-workers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 104

You deserved it 33 763