Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 04/12/2019 03:04

Today I remembered that my second time ever having sex with right next to my best friend "when she was asleep". I am a gay guy and our friend was a gay girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 56

By Idiot - 03/12/2019 14:55

Today, I bought a goldfish and brought it to its new home. I had to go out for a couple of hours and when I came home my sister had left my bedroom door open and my curious dog had tried to make a friend out of the fish. Bye bye poor fish. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 10

By Anonymous - 03/12/2019 03:02

Today, I went to the storage unit that I share with my ex wife because she told me that our son's snow pants were out there. I didn't find the snow pants but I found a package from his new boyfriend containing a lot of lingerie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 3

By "Rhys Griff" - 02/12/2019 15:03

Today.. I finally got to have sex with someone out of my league, and I couldn't get up in front of her. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 25

By "MelissaaAnnee" - 02/12/2019 08:16

Today, and for a that past couple of weeks, I've been sleeping with my best friend.. Which has been wild to say the least... It wouldn't be a problem if he didn't have a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31

You deserved it 135

By "Sara Fredericks" - 01/12/2019 15:20

Today, I was so rushed getting out of the house that I ended up putting deodorant on only one armpit and didn't realize until halfway through the day that it was missing.

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 14

By "Erica Arreola" - 30/11/2019 05:08

While sitting on the end of the bed, my husband thought it would funny to fake kick me in the face ... There was nothing fake about it... the blood was very real.

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 28/11/2019 08:36

Today my manager is in a foul mood because his family is catholic but his daughter is pregnant and unmarried. I am so fired when he finds out the baby is mine since me and his daughter have been friends with benefits since college FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 181

By john dominic - 27/11/2019 19:45

Today me and my wife were having sex and i just watched a really hot video on porn.hub and so a tried it with her and stuck it in the wrong hole accidentally and she started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 179

By Seano - 27/11/2019 17:57

Today I had diarrhea at work. After filling the bowl with a disgusting smelling mess I decided to flush before wiping. The flush sprayed the mess all over my ass and balls. I then ran out of paper while trying to clean up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120

You deserved it 22

By Anonymous - 27/11/2019 05:55

Today I realized I will never hear back from my first love... after two years together, he ghosted me and start dating a 17 year old (he's 20). Last message I have from his says "I love you so much, babe" FML

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 10

By Anonymous - 26/11/2019 19:40

Today, after a night shift, I remembered my sister asked me to wake her for work. After I called her, there was no answer, so when I went into her room to call her, she jumped up out of bed as I frightened her. She asked why I was as laying on the floor. Her foot had caught square in the nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 11

By Anonymous - 26/11/2019 17:22

Today my dad refuses to talk to me because I insisted on taking him to hospital instead of trying to manually retrieve the shampoo bottle he “fell onto” while he was “showering”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 151

You deserved it 2

By Anonymous - 26/11/2019 09:33

Today, I was joking around with my friends. After saying something smug and feeling quite proud about it, I decided to go straight to the bathroom before class started. My friends watched without saying a word as I walked into the boys restroom. They burst into laughter as I ran out of there FML

I agree, your life sucks 20

You deserved it 67

By Anonymous - 26/11/2019 00:26 - United States - Pomona

Today, I went out with my folks to a restaurant. The waiter asked me how do I want my burger, and I replied cooked. I don't get out much...FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 27

By Anonymous - 26/11/2019 07:17

Today, my girlfriend googled what the lyrics for "Watermelon Sugar" actually mean. Her first reaction was "Ohhh", followed by thr question "does it really taste like strawberries?".. I did not know how to react. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 4

By Anonymous - 25/11/2019 23:16 - United Kingdom

Today I tripped in a club and sat on the floor with a swollen ankle. A bouncer then picked me up and physically threw me into the street. Apparently a girl saw me on the floor and told the bouncer I was taking upskirt photos. I didn’t even have my phone on me, it was in my girlfriends purse FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 25/11/2019 05:45

TODAY... I was thinking about my failing relationship and my horrible sex life when I realized that I convinced my boyfriend to participate in not nut November so that I didn't have to have sex with him for a month... FML

I agree, your life sucks 23

You deserved it 157

By Anonymous - 24/11/2019 23:01 - United States - Hamilton

Today I was eating a chimichanga and managed to break one of my front teeth on it FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 9

By "littl3storm" - 24/11/2019 20:17

Today, my boyfriend's best friend messaged me. He basically told me how I spend too much time with him even though I now only see him on weekends due to living away. I was made to feel guilty for spending time with my boyfriend to the point of tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 4

By "Adam Seymour" - 24/11/2019 20:06

Today, I figured out the girl who I've been sleeping with is pregnant. I've also came to learn that I'm the Father, Now none of this would be terrible but the girl has been cheating on her current boyfriend with me for the past 4 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26

You deserved it 152

By Anonymous - 24/11/2019 12:05

Today my boyfriend called me a b*tch because I wasn't ready to have sex. I almost died giving birth less than a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 191

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 24/11/2019 04:39

Today my boyfriend's mom came out to the living room with a bra in her hand. She said she found it in the couch and has no idea whose it is. A closer look showed me it was mine, but i haven't seen it in over a year. I'm a very different size than her and her daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 12

By Anonymous - 23/11/2019 02:49

I started a new job three weeks ago. It was about a 25% pay increase from my last job but no health insurance. The pay increase was enough that with even paying a rediculous amount per week to add me to my husband's Insurance I still came out with a good raise. Today my boss tells me that he made an error and that they made a mistake and my salary was too high and they have to cut it 25%. So now it's like I took a huge pay cut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 12

By f*cked - 21/11/2019 07:03

Today, after spending hours with my boyfriend on homework we decided to celebrate finishing. We went at it and weren’t exactly quiet.. a few minutes after my BF left my bro came upstairs for a snack. I don’t know when my brothers came inside. They Probably heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 96

By Powerless111 - 20/11/2019 07:32 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I had a date with a girl at the dog park because she wanted to meet my dog. She was scared of almost every single dog, and mentioned Astrology way too much. She was concerned about my dog's sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108

You deserved it 12

By leahtortilla - 20/11/2019 02:28

Today, I was kissing my friend's dog on the nose when he sneezed very loud into my open mouth. Thanks to him, my mouth is now full of dog snot that tastes like extremely salty peanut butter and meat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 92

By Anonymous - 20/11/2019 02:09

Today I went on a date with my ex for the first time, got all dolled up put on heels did my hair and he showed up 30 minutes late wearing the clothes he’s been wearing for a straight week and a half, used his moms money to pay for the date expected a blowy and thought that the time he almost did acid was a great story to tell on our date and showed me nudes of the girls on his phone.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 115

By Anonymous - 19/11/2019 23:39

Today, my sister thought it’d be a good idea to wake me up by punching me in the balls. Not only that, I realised I’d pissed myself too when she said she put my feet in water which apparently makes you piss yourself. Not a great start to the day. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 8

By NeoAxL - 19/11/2019 06:35

Today, my brother make me realize that not all body shampoo are made to leave you smelling good after shower, his new one is capable of filling the entire room with shitty pungent chemical smell that could instantly pull you out from your sweet sleep. What's worse? He bought few large bottles of those at once. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 3

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I looked at my house in Google Street View for the first time and noticed an unfamiliar vehicle in the driveway. When I asked my wife about it, she admitted to have an ongoing affair. Apparently the entire world knew my wife was having an affair before I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 916

You deserved it 3 012

Today, my girlfriend told me she was coming over for a surprise visit. I quickly tidied up, but not before shoving all my dirty laundry under the bed. When she arrived, she brought her dog in. Her dog immediately sniffed out the laundry and dragged my most embarrassing underwear into the living room while her parents watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 187

You deserved it 512

Today, after my company laid off half the contractors I usually deal with and replaced them with AI tools, I spent my day “collaborating” with a chatbot that keeps calling me Steve. My name isn’t Steve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 64

Today, I texted my dad, “My body hates me.” His response was, “No. You are pushing responsibility off yourself and refusing to do anything about it by saying that.” I was actively making a doctor’s appointment at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 648

You deserved it 420

Today, I found a wallet belonging to some guy, it had $355 inside. Because he had his address written inside, I decided to return it, hoping for a reward. I drove for 40 minutes and finally got to his house during peak hour. All he did was say, "Oh, cool." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 692

You deserved it 15 119

Today, I tried to plan a date with five colleagues for a goodbye-drink together, since I'm leaving the team after two and a half years. They told me it was going to be difficult to pick a date that suited everybody, so they already took into account that it won't be happening. When another colleague left, we went out for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 856

You deserved it 147