Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 19/11/2019 03:59

Unfortunately, I had extremely bad gas all weekend due to being lactose intolerant which carried into today. I thought I had enough time to sneak a fart out his morning before my wife and babysitter came into the kitchen, turns out I was wrong. I had to blame the dog FML......

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 54

By Anonymous - 18/11/2019 03:41

Today I found out my brother-in-law and my sister are engaged...she asked him now my sister will also be my sister in law FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 13

By Whyjustwhy15 - 18/11/2019 00:12

Today, keep dreaming about my ex walking in the front door out of the blue calling my name or as if we’re still together...trying so hard to forget him but it’s hard & these dreams are not helping....???

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 18

By complicated - 17/11/2019 23:22

Today, my girlfriend informed me that she’d be staying with her abusive asshole gf, but we could still sneak around. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 13

By The Poop Caper - 17/11/2019 22:13

Today I had an important meeting at a very pricy and beautiful hotel. I got awful stomach cramps and went to the potty lets just say it was a demon inside of me and I released it. The smell was of a sewer tank with fermented shit left for weeks. When I went to flush the toilet was broken FML.

I agree, your life sucks 64

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 16/11/2019 16:09 - United Kingdom

Today, two young girls came up and said their food was cold. I said to them to take seats and I'd bring it down. When I brought it down, they then said they wanted it plain. I then apologized again, only for one to say forget it. Later, as I was leaving, one came up and kicked me square in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 6

By Sophie Jenni Marie Brown - 16/11/2019 14:14

Today I gagged so much at the bin juice in our bin I threw up all over the floor.. my 2 year old daughter was disgusted at me.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 8

By Disney doodoo - 16/11/2019 00:35

Today I’ve been binging Disney+ while eating saltines since I’ve had a bad case of the stomach flu. I laughed so hard at one scene in The Lion King that I simultaneously puked and shit my pants in the living room. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 14

By Anonymous - 15/11/2019 03:49

Today, as my friend and I were standing on the line to get lunch, I was talking to him about a boy that I really like and I said his name and I even said that he has a big bum. Then, I notice one of the closest friends to the boy I mentioned was standing right in front of us and I think he heard... FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 43

By "Alex Babcock" - 15/11/2019 02:03

Today I was told by my roommates that I need to socialize more and that I should start by spending time with them. I walked out into the common room to spend time with them and they were both on their phones. apparently online videos are more important than spending time with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 9

By Hazem Mostafa - 14/11/2019 14:16 - Egypt

Today, I remembered two years ago when I was playing football and fell over my leg and had a hip injury but I didn’t care about it at all. Now I am waiting to do my hip surgery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 50

By "naas1201" - 14/11/2019 10:48

Today, my wife's punition was to eat front of me, without letting me eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22

You deserved it 42

By peedpants - 14/11/2019 04:10

Today, while sleeping peacefully I heard a strange noise that woke me up. I looked around my room and saw nothing. It wasn’t until my water bottle flew across the room that I panicked. Turns out my roommate though it was funny to prank me .. I didn’t.. I peed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 9

By Anonymous - 13/11/2019 16:02

Today, I realized I've been ghosted. Not because the guy lost interest but because he hooked up with someone else and he feels guilty. We haven't even gone on a first date yet. I mean WTF? FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 7

By walterwhite16d - 13/11/2019 15:57

Today I woke up at the same time I always do to go to school. It had been snowing all night and around 23 degrees, I didn't realize school had been cancelled. My parents who knew school was cancelled drive me all the way to school and let me find out the hard way. I sat there and tried opening the doors for 30 minutes until a teacher came out from her teacher meeting and told me school was cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 13

By Anonymous - 13/11/2019 12:01

Today, I keep getting compared to one of my aunts that I don't want to be like. She is a woman who never stops talking all day and yelling to everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 11

By Janine Parham - 13/11/2019 07:00

Today I’m a school bus driver. Because of a very bad accident on the main road I use, I had to drive 30 minutes out of my way, through unfamiliar backroads to pick up one of my students. They didn’t bother to tell us they weren’t going to school today. Gee, thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 4

By a failing parent - 12/11/2019 22:35

Today, I walked into the kitchen to join my kids for breakfast, I had been up for hours doing the house work before going to work. My daughter asked me to turn the radio down. “Alex turn the radio down” I said. How lazy are my kids.! FML!!!

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 19

By "momo.programmer" - 12/11/2019 20:35

I feel like hollow when I watch series when I come back from work, and I don't have anything else to do... I need to have a goal. but watching series is easier

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 21

By Tiffany Pelekakis - 12/11/2019 11:35 - United States - Kingsport

Today, my best friend found out she’s pregnant after four weeks of trying. After we told her how we had been trying for a few months, she started trying to because she wanted to have a baby when we did. I recorded reactions as she video chatted her parents and mutual friends by just showing the positive test. I slowly died inside more as each person repeatedly asked if it was actually my test, and each thought we were tricking them when she said it was hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 12/11/2019 13:55

Today, my father forgot a turn on our way to school. We obviously have gone this path many times. Now I’m going to be late by one minute. It’s the first snow this year as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 12/11/2019 04:41

Today, I was my best guy friend sent me a text. I opened it and he said that he had to block me and not ever talk to me again just because his gf said she didn't feel comfortable with me being friends with him??. A) I've only met this girl twice and went out of my way to be nice to her to support my friend B) I literally joked around with my friend about how I friend zoned him before INFRONT OF HER and C) I'm talking to someone right now. Keep in mind I've been friends with this guy for a year and a half. He's only known this girl three weeks. three. weeks?. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 15

By NotofthisWorld - 12/11/2019 03:48

Today I did it I finally shit so hard I ripped my asshole. Don’t think you can’t do it I’m living proof. Let’s just say my toilet was a red mess and the size of the shit was enormous! On the bright side though my constipation is gone bad side toilet is broke at a busy mall FML.

I agree, your life sucks 48

You deserved it 7

By Notofthisworld - 12/11/2019 03:45

Today while getting a haircut I was in a good conversation with the lady cutting my hair. My stomach started to act up she walked away to tend to another women I figured I’d have a moment to release this beast and just as I shift my body she came back into the gas cloud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 16

By Anonymous - 12/11/2019 03:04

Today my girlfriend and I realized that we are cousins by marriage so if we were to have kids one day her step mom would be my cousin and my kids grandma FML.

I agree, your life sucks 37

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 11/11/2019 23:44

Today I was leaving the park and watching 2 couples play tennis. They had a really good rally going so I wasn't paying attention and walked right into a metal pole. It was so loud they stopped playing mid-point. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 9

By anonurmom - 11/11/2019 22:46

Today, my dick set of a sensor at the airport and I had to be searched, fml

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 9

By lizmarie - 11/11/2019 18:39

Today, my Tinder date left as soon as he heard me speak. He said my voice sounds like a ten-year-old boy. This is also the reason my last three Tinder dates left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 10

By mewtwonow - 11/11/2019 17:43

Today, at work, a customer wants to use his military discount but he has no proof of ID. He starts yelling at me if I gone to war at all and to keep the discount. He leaves angry and I’m like it’s store policy no matter what, for the camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 2

By "Tim van der Craats" - 11/11/2019 13:43

Today, my manager told me to wipe an computer as it was not used anymore, to bad the CEO did not apreciate al his personal photo's were deleted in the process, FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 4

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my math teacher brought his laptop to tally up all our scores for our report card. He then displayed the results on a big screen in front of the whole class. The ones who failed were marked yellow. I was the only one marked yellow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 693

You deserved it 21 006

Today, I noticed my husband chews his tongue while we are having sex. He also does this while he is playing World of Warcraft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 453

You deserved it 6 891

Today, I was fired because a patron complained that she didn't like the way I kept staring at her kids. I was a lifeguard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 571

You deserved it 4 499

Today, I discovered that the word 'randy' means 'horny' in England. I'm going to England next semester to study abroad. My name is Randy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 605

You deserved it 5 299

Today, my brother threw his Switch across the room and broke it. Our parents decided that, "Video games are bad!" and took away my Switch, as well as my gaming PC that I built and paid for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 577

You deserved it 79

Today, I woke up hungover and thirsty, I found a glass of water next to the sink, filled it up with more water, chugged it and went back to bed. I woke up an hour later to my best friend telling me she thought she lost her contacts. They were in a glass next to the sink. I ate her contacts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 077

You deserved it 43 463