Nearly FMLs

By redfire - 19/05/2016 16:48 - United States - Holyoke

Today, I got a fire ant in my eye, now it is swollen shut and I have to take my drivers test in an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 255

You deserved it 17

By ShitSituation - 19/05/2016 16:46 - United States - El Cajon

Today, my girlfriend and I have been feeding our dog some of those pig ear dog treats. Well I guess the dog must have a sensitive stomach, because I woke up at 2 am to a terrible stench, and a shit covered carpet. Guess who was up till 4 am cleaning it up? It's gonna be a long, tired day. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 205

You deserved it 19

By crazy - 19/05/2016 16:46 - United States - Houston

Today, I was mugged, by my step-dad, in my own home. My mom refuses to believe it and wants me to go live with my dad because I'm trying to "tear her marriage apart". FML

I agree, your life sucks 281

You deserved it 20

By wow - 19/05/2016 16:45 - United States - Houston

Today, my girlfriend cheated on me with my brother, when I confronted her she tried to make an excuse by saying "I thought it was you". I have blonde hair, he has dark black hair.

I agree, your life sucks 256

You deserved it 15

By pestcontrol - 19/05/2016 16:40 - United States - Houston

Today, I had gotten a call to go treat an apartment unit that was infested with bed bugs. The person who requested it left their alarm on so upon entry I set it off. I got written up and later found out I brought bed bugs home. They fired me for missing work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 11

By Loveroflife93 - 19/05/2016 16:37 - United States - Henderson

Today, I realized that for the next two years, I'm stuck living with a roommate that insults my friends, family, and calls me fat everyday..fml

I agree, your life sucks 119

You deserved it 13

By Almost-there - 19/05/2016 16:36 - Cyprus - Nicosia

Today, I'm pregnant. Despite severe nausea, and constant dizzy spells, my university won't consider this extenuating circumstances. I threw up in the library, and failed to submit my last coursework on time. I ALMOST graduated with a 4.0 GPA. FML

I agree, your life sucks 145

You deserved it 17

By flossydot - 19/05/2016 16:26 - Australia - Kew

Today, my ex boyfriend messaged me saying he loves me. This is the third number I've had to block because he keeps getting new ones to message and ring me on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 15

By thatnewgirl - 19/05/2016 16:17 - United States

Today, it's been a few days sense I got my tongue pierced. I woke up this morning thinking my boyfriend was done laughing at me from my speech only to talk this morning and him laughing at me because now I sound Brittish.... FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 23

By me - 19/05/2016 15:52 - United States - Huntington

Today, my mom told me that I was an accident. I was a birth control baby. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 15

By Banana_Lord - 19/05/2016 15:51 - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, I came back from breakfast to find I was locked out of my dorm room. After panicking, getting yelled at by the RA for being irresponsible, and making myself late for class, I realized that I had been trying to get into the wrong room. Mine was unlocked the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 18

By Anonymous - 19/05/2016 15:50 - United Kingdom

Today, I realised that I have bigger boobs than my girlfriend FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 23

By NoMoreTacoBell - 19/05/2016 15:48 - United States - Washington

Today, I had an early doctors appointment near my college, which I commute to everyday. Wanting to save gas, I decided to wait for 4 hours around campus and in my car before my class started. When it was finally time to go to class, I got a notification that the class was cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 12

By Chancey Pants - 19/05/2016 15:46 - United States - Denton

Today, I had company coming over for a get together. We went upstairs to see my room only to find a strong smell of stale urine in the air. I thought it was my pet rats. Turns out I forgot to flush my toilet... And left the seat up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 20

By Bearamber9210 - 19/05/2016 15:37 - United States

Today, I'm going thru a divorce. While trying out online dating, I realized the only person I matched with was my ex, who was apparently also trying out online dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 100

You deserved it 13

By mushman - 19/05/2016 15:36 - United States - New York

Today, I was walking to work enjoying a beautiful morning in Manhattan. All of a sudden I tripped and fell on the sidewalk. Not a crack in the road or some garbage - but a fucking midget. I tripped over another person. FML!

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 20

By brainless - 19/05/2016 15:07 - United States - Palm Harbor

Today, my girlfriend finally agreed to marry me. My brain got confused between " be a happy man", and " die a happy man". It came out as "I can now buy a happy man". It's been 2 hours and she can't stop giggling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 19

By TheHeirofTime - 19/05/2016 15:06 - United States - Northborough

Today, I can out as transgender to my friend. They frowned and said, "If you're gay, just say so." FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 10

By Ouch - 19/05/2016 14:59 - Australia - Perth

Today, I got so sick of people bumping into me at school when walking to classes that I yelled 'I'm not moving out the way for anyone anymore!' Straight after I said that I walked into a pole. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 18

By Well there goes my presentation - 19/05/2016 14:47 - Canada - Saskatoon

Today, while giving an important presentation, my computer decided to BSOD on me. It proceeded to collect mini-dump data for 5 minutes, and repair itself for the next 5. Co-operates decided it was a good time to end the presentation. This was for my promotion. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 12

By anonymous - 19/05/2016 14:43 - United States - Brunswick

Today, my fiance and I were having pretty rough sex when she screamed for me to stop. After rushing to the hospital the doctors say it's most likely a prolapsed organ. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 8

By not-fat - 19/05/2016 14:32 - Turkey - Istanbul

Today, I proudly told my mum that I'd lost 6kg over the last two and a half months, and showed her my slimmer figure. Instead of complimenting me, she responded by telling me I should loose my double chin next. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 13

By kidknuckle - 19/05/2016 13:55 - United States - Louisville

I called a girl I really liked to ask her to go to the movies with me, I was on the phone for 10 minutes with her before I finally got the nerve to ask, when I asked she replied “oh honey that would be great ill get her on the phone for you” I just asked out my crushes mom.

I agree, your life sucks 105

You deserved it 16

By KeyofDestinyXVII - 19/05/2016 13:32 - United States - Woodside

Today, I was having a conversation with my global history teacher from Greece. He wrote me up and tried to give me detention when I didn't refer to Macedonia as the Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 10

By player20270 - 19/05/2016 13:28 - Brazil - Itapema

Today, I was emptying my bowels at work when the fire alarm went off. Let's just say my coworkers had an interesting, never seen before, view of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 8

By Notuptoit - 19/05/2016 13:21 - United States - El Cajon

Today, I stayed home from the vacation my family had planned for me and my lover. He said he had work, I stayed cause he said he'd still come over to see me. Just found out he's working all weekend, skipping school tomorrow to go to Disneyland with his friends. I was the one who bought his pass.FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 11

By pikateat - 19/05/2016 13:13 - United States - Edison

Today, after preparing for this day for weeks, I got food poisoning from a chicken salad that caused me to stay home and miss my AP Environmental Science exam and a fundraising event that I was a keynote speaker in. I didn't even know food poisoning from a salad was possible. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 9

By A101 - 19/05/2016 13:02 - United States - Vonore

Today, in the middle of "fun time" my fiance stopped, with a freaked out look on his face. when I asked what was wrong he replied "there's this white stuff coming out of your vag." He thought it was "vag cancer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 12

By imaginationland - 19/05/2016 12:56 - Switzerland - Zurich

Today, I went to a couple's pregnancy class with my wife. It was going "ok" until the instructor said, "now imagine your vagina". FML

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 9

By BadluckBriggette - 19/05/2016 11:16 - United States - Salem

Today, my dad told me to get on the bus alone while he takes a shower. The bus shows up around 9:11 and I went out at 9:10. My dad's shower ended early and he yelled at me for missing the bus. He called me inside and yelled at me and I saw the bus go by during the rant, but he didn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 67

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The Top

Today, I had to put up with a student who stubbornly insisted that King Solomon was, in fact, a Pokémon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 630

You deserved it 3 085

Today, I've been single for a couple of months. The last time I was single, Tinder and dating apps didn't exist. After figuring out how to be successful with those and setting up several dates, I've already had 3 date cancellations for this week because of the coronavirus. It's going to be a long couple of months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 476

You deserved it 463

Today, my dog became scared of his own food bowl. He now barks for ages every time he sees it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 117

You deserved it 3 450

Today, I showed my daughter video footage from a security camera that showed her using her employee key to enter the store I own, disarming the alarm, and stealing several very valuable items. Her defense? That someone had "photoshopped" the video. We'll see how that goes down in court. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 293

You deserved it 2 913

Today, after years of martial arts training, ballet, and dance, I thought I had pretty good balance for a dude. Then I accidentally stuck both legs in one side of my pants and tipped head first into the wall. The ER doctor has scheduled a test for TBI, and the vertigo “may be permanent.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 945

You deserved it 132

Today, while driving I saw a police car riding along next to me. Thinking about the news recently, I decided to give him a quick thumbs up and a smile to lighten up his day. He looks back, smiles, flips on his siren, and pulls me over for not paying attention to the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 201

You deserved it 3 564