Nearly FML

By love you too - 22/05/2016 03:11 - United States - Rochester

Today, I told my girlfriend of a year a loved her. She replied with "cool" and asked me to pass her a beer. FML

agreeclassic 109

vote type 1 13

By Anonymous - 22/05/2016 03:09 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I got into a car accident. A car pulled out in front of me and then stopped in the middle of the road, I slammed on my brakes but still hit him. He proceeded to tell me it was my fault and that because I didn't swerve into the mailbox next to the road and total my car, he would sue me. FML

agreeclassic 232

vote type 1 28

By the_darklord - 22/05/2016 02:05 - United States - Newark

Today, both of my parents made me teach them how to use snapchat. I later found out they were using the app to send each other nudes. FML

agreeclassic 212

vote type 1 16

By FMotherNature - 21/05/2016 23:46 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, after weeks of planning a romantic dinner, and an intimate evening in with my boyfriend, the night of the dinner finally arrived. So did my period for the first time in 3 years, FML.

agreeclassic 218

vote type 1 19

By Thisismyjob - 21/05/2016 23:01 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, I volunteered all day at my dance school. One girl's bun fell out, so I fixed it. Later I received a long heartfelt speech from a mother about how she " put her heart and soul into her child's hair", and how " I had no right to touch her child." I got the same speech from 6 other mothers. FML

agreeclassic 238

vote type 1 10

By klorgren3 - 21/05/2016 22:48 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I quit my job at a retail store to become a 911 operator. One call in "Thank you for calling *retail store* how can I help you"... FML

agreeclassic 208

vote type 1 33

By Whytho - 21/05/2016 21:52 - United States - Marion

Today, my mother told me vaccines cause cancer, and to not give them to my kids. She then spent three hours in a tanning bed.FML

agreeclassic 206

vote type 1 12

By Lisa - 21/05/2016 21:50 - France

Today, my mother was getting remarried and I gave her an honest compliment on her dress. She immediately became suspicious I was up to something because apparently I never give compliments. She got so paranoid she cancelled the wedding and everyone says it's my fault for upsetting her. FML

agreeclassic 217

vote type 1 15

By Anonymous - 21/05/2016 21:45 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my house has an infestation of beetles. I got up during the night, so put on my slippers to avoid treading barefoot on a beetle. Guess what was inside my slipper? FML

agreeclassic 160

vote type 1 20

By anonymous0110902 - 21/05/2016 20:00 - United States - Cypress

Today, I was talking to my mom about how i saw a therapist because of my severe depression. I thought everything went well and that she understood, but then I saw her status on Facebook ranting about where she went wrong with her "batshit crazy" son. FML

agreeclassic 179

vote type 1 13

By rycubed - 21/05/2016 19:25 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my package arrived in the mail. I have a habit of opening my mother's packages when they arrive just because it feels like a mini-Christmas. My package arrived while I was away and my mother decided to return the favor. I'm a closeted gay. My package was a dildo. FML

agreeclassic 193

vote type 1 68

By BigBrother - 21/05/2016 16:05 - United States

Today, our family went to take pictures. Two of my younger siblings are extremely obnoxious and annoying twins, who decided to amplify their traits today. During pictures I kept feeling pinches and spit run down my back. Finally, I snapped and punched one of them in the gut. They vomited on me. FML

agreeclassic 109

vote type 1 19

By ZedMain - 21/05/2016 15:45 - United States - Detroit

Today, I have come to discover that I am on my period, have pink eye, and a headache. This would be manageable if I didn't have a big presentation this week, finals and a big class trip where I might not be able to attend because of the high possibility I will give everyone else pink eye. FML

agreeclassic 494

vote type 1 82

By ShouldHaveWashedMyHand - 21/05/2016 15:44 - United Kingdom - Oldbury

Today, after two months of relentless studying, I took my seat in the hall for my final ever assessment in my three year degree. The invigilator mistook the door codes for work written on my hand to be some form of cheating code. Now I've been suspended from my degree for investigation. FML.

agreeclassic 95

vote type 1 13

By The_Waffle - 21/05/2016 15:44 - United States - Cleveland

Today, my dog ran out into the middle of the street. A car was coming so I ran out to grab my dog. The dog ended up being fine, but I broke my arm and a foot. FML

agreeclassic 85

vote type 1 13

By ShutUpandDrinkBleach - 21/05/2016 14:47 - United States - Frisco

Today, my dog gave birth while I was school. My fucked up mom decided we didn't have the money too care for them and threw them out of the car on the highway along with the mother. When I got home she tried to tell me they ran away. I had the dog for 8 years and he was my only true friend. FML

agreeclassic 174

vote type 1 4

By sonasonic - 21/05/2016 14:30 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I was viciously berated by my boss for leaving a bag worth more than $900 on a lawn. After labouring for 6 hours looking and buying new equipment with my money, we found it in a nearby supply closet. He kept it himself because he thought I was irresponsible. He won't return my money. FML

agreeclassic 94

vote type 1 7

By babypeeissterileright - 21/05/2016 14:00 - United States - Oakland

Today, the baby I nanny peed all through my clothes. I can't take a shower or change my clothes for another 6 hours. FML.

agreeclassic 79

vote type 1 8

By Bok_Choi - 21/05/2016 13:21 - Australia - Strathfield

Today, I was caught by a red light camera for turning at the red light. I guess no-one can explain the sign with "Left turn on permitted after stopping." FML

agreeclassic 342

vote type 1 43

By AlexPapoki - 21/05/2016 13:06 - United Kingdom - Plymouth

Today, I fell over in a shop. It wouldn't be to bad if I wasn't on crutches due to breaking my leg, to make matters worse, no body helped me up and just stood there and watched me struggle to get back on my feet. FML

agreeclassic 76

vote type 1 8

By FmlContinously - 21/05/2016 06:21 - United States - Memphis

Today, I decided it would be a good idea to take a seasonal allergy benadryl because I can't sleep, only to have my six month old decide it's time to wake up and shriek like a baby Velociraptor. FML

agreeclassic 333

vote type 1 40

By Gross - 21/05/2016 04:36 - United States - Tracy

Today, I saw a guy hocking multiple loogies into the drinking fountain at work. Looks like I'm never using one of those again. FML

agreeclassic 289

vote type 1 28

By Beelikeskittys - 21/05/2016 04:01 - New Zealand - Palmerston North

Today, my paranoia is so bad that I had a panic attack at my own shadow. FML.

agreeclassic 301

vote type 1 44

By christinamarie17 - 21/05/2016 01:31 - United States - Bronx

Today, I started my new job as a home-care provider for the elderly, and my first client was on hospice care. She died two hours into the shift. FML

agreeclassic 357

vote type 1 41

By LacrosseFAIL - 21/05/2016 00:09 - United States

Today, at Lacrosse practice, my coach told me to be more physical whilst playing defense. I ender up breaking another teammate's Ribs after a full body check, and won't be able to play any more games. FML.

agreeclassic 301

vote type 1 30

By LiquidBeast - 20/05/2016 23:26 - United States - Peekskill

Today, a package I ordered from Amazon arrived. I ordered the new iPhone because mine had broke. Instead of getting the phone I ordered, I got a Iphone sized piece if cardboard that had a fake apple logo on it. I can't return the fake phone, and now I'm down $400.

agreeclassic 626

vote type 1 148

By Karen - 20/05/2016 23:26 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, I finally got some action, by which I mean I had to turn myself on to remove a lump of old toilet paper from my vagina. FML

agreeclassic 397

vote type 1 66

By NoThanks999 - 20/05/2016 23:04 - United States

Today, me and my husband were using very realistic water guns. While aiming at eachother, my eight year old son shot us both with a paintball gun, because "I didn't want mommy or daddy killing each other." FML

agreeclassic 349

vote type 1 49

By Coco - 20/05/2016 22:58 - Australia - Brisbane

Today I figured out how much my partners dog is going to cost me. main operation over $1000, subsequent vet visits form her ripping stitches on several occasions $500+, plus the cost of a new sofa, carpet, bed linen re-painting the walls. I'm looking at a total of $3500+. FML

agreeclassic 286

vote type 1 33

By bitchatwork101 - 20/05/2016 22:44 - United States - Troy

Today, working drive through at work, I paid a lady out and told her that her food would be right out. the dumbass drove away, called up, and complained about her mistake and me for "not telling her to wait." I got wrote up by my boss for her dumbass mistake. FML.

agreeclassic 224

vote type 1 18

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Top

Today, my mom was more upset about my 67 on an Algebra test than my sister almost setting the house on fire. FML

agreeclassic 29 029

vote type 1 6 165

Today, I’m the only one in my family who's ever taken Covid seriously. This seemed to really annoy my siblings, so much so that they chased me, pulled off my mask, and dramatically coughed all over me. We’re all adults and though they found it hilarious, I’ve been having panic attacks all day. FML

agreeclassic 1 218

vote type 1 452

Today, I tried to clean my keyboard by turning it upside down and shaking it. Something important apparently fell out, because now the “E” key only works if I smack it hard enough to look like I’m typing angry emails. My coworkers are concerned. FML

agreeclassic 239

vote type 1 129

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because of our differing skin tones. The contrast weirds him out during sex. FML

agreeclassic 5 425

vote type 1 427

Today, my mother confused the terms 'necromancy' and 'necrophilia'. We had a great talk about why you shouldn't have sex with dead people. FML

agreeclassic 29 258

vote type 1 2 753

Today, I finally found out why my fish were dying in their tank. My younger sister had been spraying detergent in there because she wanted "to make the fish smell like lemons". FML

agreeclassic 36 165

vote type 1 3 038