Nearly FMLs

By lockedout - 20/05/2016 17:21 - United States - Laguna Niguel

Today, I woke up to my mom pounding at our front door at 7 in the morning. I thought this was weird because she was home when I got home last night so she should have a key. Turns out, I was too baked to notice she wasn't home and I locked her out all night. Now she's mad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 16

By han1717 - 20/05/2016 16:49 - United States - Littleton

Today, what started with a dream about playing soccer, ended with me kicking the wall by my bed at full strength. FML

I agree, your life sucks 235

You deserved it 44

By aubs - 20/05/2016 16:23 - United States - Calabasas

Today my brother got his 5th grade project back that my mom forced me to do for him. He got a C-. FML

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 28

By cgmack - 20/05/2016 16:10 - United States - Asheville

Today, I went to print my essay that I spent two months on. After accessing my files, I tried to find my essay and found that it wasn't there. Freaking out, I realized that I accidentally overrode my essay with another file with the same name. The essay is due in less than two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201

You deserved it 47

By SallySnowflake - 20/05/2016 14:24 - United States - Bronx

Today, I woke up and stumbled half asleep to the bathroom. I was about to sit down when I head a scratching noise from the toilet. I turned around and found myself staring at a wet rat who must have come up the drain. I am now scared to sit on a toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 195

You deserved it 18

By really? - 20/05/2016 14:11 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I called into work becuase my dad was rushed to the hopital. My manager said I was lying because I wanted to 'start my weekend early.' I wasn't but thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 400

You deserved it 72

By blue balled - 20/05/2016 14:04 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, I'm on vacation with a woman I've liked for years. We had amazing sex the first two days, then she met another guy. Guess who lost his bed to sleep in for 4 more days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 387

You deserved it 53

By bad guy - 20/05/2016 14:04 - United States - Chesapeake

Today, after talking to an attorney about my divorce and letting him know I had been nice with sharing custody of my children, I was told I have to take the children away from their father completely in order to get any sort of assistance from the father. I have to tell the kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 264

You deserved it 37

By Worstvacationever - 20/05/2016 13:55 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, I started a 5 day vacation in Florida with my girlfriend. She decides to tell me once we get to the hotel that she no longer loves me and sees me better as a friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 26

By OnyxParadox - 20/05/2016 13:50 - United States - Punta Gorda

Today, I had to put my wonderful dog in a shelter because when I went to renew my lease my landlord casually mentioned he'd be hiking up my rent by a few hundred dollars. The only place I can find to live on short notice doesn't allow animals, and no one I know could take care of him for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 290

You deserved it 30

By cyndasaur - 20/05/2016 13:25 - United States - Livingston

Today, I was tending to my goats. I got felt a horrible pain, and to my dismay, there was a splinter under my finger nail. I had to try and remove it with a sewing needle. The splinter broke. My only hope is for it to be pushed out by nail growth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 248

You deserved it 48

By cheyluvsturtles - 20/05/2016 13:21 - United States - Merced

Today, My friend came into class and randomly decided to bite me hard enough to leave a bite marks that lasted till last period . I have now realized that this is the fifth time that specific friend has done this. It is becoming a reoccurring theme every morning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 30

By anonymous - 20/05/2016 13:04 - Australia - Oxenford

Today, I was working the dinner shift at the restaurant I work at, I was serving this table and everyone kept looking at me and cringing and some of them were even gagging. When I went back to the kitchen I had a look in the mirror and had the biggest booger ever hanging on the edge of my nose FML

I agree, your life sucks 161

You deserved it 28

By Surewhatever - 20/05/2016 12:55 - United States - Orlando

Today, I realized I have imaginary conversations when I am drunk. I drink a lot. Now I know why I've been getting all those strange looks. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 181

You deserved it 62

By Anonymous - 20/05/2016 12:49 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I was playing tennis with friends and we were taking a break. I was talking to someone and suddenly I am on the ground in the worst pain I've ever been through in my life. One of the players thought it would be funny to hit a ball in our direction. It was a direct hit to my nuts.

I agree, your life sucks 199

You deserved it 27

By aconsultant - 20/05/2016 12:33 - India - New Delhi

Today, I caught my little sister masturbating. To a video of Justin Beiber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 122

You deserved it 14

By milliepede - 20/05/2016 11:45

Today, my pregnant sister has sent me 3 scan pictures and spent an hour telling me horror stories from her pregnancy so far. I'm tokophobic and the thought of pregnancy can cause panic attacks if she won't leave me alone. She finds this hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 11

By ifuckuprandomly - 20/05/2016 11:33 - United Kingdom - Ascot

Today, on my way to work on my motorbike, I was filtering through stop and go traffic when a cock-nostril decides to open up his door on me. I can't work now as I'm a barber and I have sprained my wrist badly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 41

By BadluckBriggette - 20/05/2016 11:19 - United States - Natick

Today, I made plans with my teacher. Not as a date or to help me with school. Instead we made plans on which day we'd wear our matching socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 44

By dragoongirl90 - 20/05/2016 11:19 - United States - Citrus Heights

Today, I have been sick for 18 years, I can't work, and I rarelt get a treat. My roommates (also disabled) bought me a cute new backpack purse. I was very excited about it. We went to Wal-Mart and when we came out, the door was unlocked and my new purse was gone. I never even got to use it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 156

You deserved it 29

By potatokid03 - 20/05/2016 10:58 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blowjob. He ended up pissing in my mouth. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 20

By Coffee - 20/05/2016 10:54 - United States - Havertown

Today my mom yelled at me because I was choking on a hard boiled egg and was too busy coughing my lungs out for 2 minutes straight to do what she said the moment she said it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 19

By EmpressIzzy - 20/05/2016 10:46 - Virgin Islands, U.S. - St Thomas

Today, my boyfriend of almost one year broke up with me because I was "trying to change him." All I did was motivate him to focus on school and follow his dreams of being a lawyer. I guess he didnt know what motivation was because, he never gets it from his family, but suddenly I am the bad guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 14

By oliviaromero_ - 20/05/2016 10:31 - United States - Boston

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex and when I was just about to climax, he stopped then told me he was hungry and walked away. He saw nothing wrong or awkward about this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 17

By TheLifguard95 - 20/05/2016 10:18 - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, whilst working for the golf and country club I work for. I was doing a changing room check to make sure all was well. What I wasn't prepared for was the naked man casually naked in the gents toilets, hands on hips, and peeing at will FML

I agree, your life sucks 80

You deserved it 6

By engineerofmisery - 20/05/2016 09:34 - United Kingdom - Rochdale

Today, the only other civil engineer in the company left. Despite having been at the company for years, when I asked about becoming the Head of Civil Engineering the Directors laughed in my face. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 8

By bluestripedsockm - 20/05/2016 09:13 - United States - San Francisco

Today I found out that I'm getting laid off. My mother's reaction to my bad news was to stress me out further by lecturing me on what can happen when you can't pay bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 300

You deserved it 60

By wellshit - 20/05/2016 08:24 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I walked into the wrong funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 288

You deserved it 95

By ineffable888 - 20/05/2016 08:19 - Philippines - Manila

Today, my country's labor department increased the minimum wage to 491. Im at 500. I get taxed, they dont. FML

I agree, your life sucks 268

You deserved it 37

By zealous cellist - 20/05/2016 08:04 - United States - Redding

Today, my parents suggested I'm too young to date because "people your age don't really know who they are yet." I'm 22.

I agree, your life sucks 299

You deserved it 40

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The Top

Today, I finally let my parents meet a boyfriend of mine for the first time ever. My dad mentioned how he was happy to finally meet him, because for the past 4 years he'd thought I was gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 602

You deserved it 199

Today, my boss held his polo shirt one inch from my nose and asked me to smell it. He said that he was going into one of our tenants' apartment and wanted to smell him before and after so I could judge said apartment's cleanliness. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 82

Today, after several days of deep-cleaning my house, I found a huge section of my room covered in black mold. I almost puked when I saw it. Not only could that have put anyone in the hospital, but it also explains why I've been getting sick all the time as of late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 230

Today, my 15-year-old son got so enraged at a fly that kept harassing him, that he ended up slapping himself in the face as it flew by him. This caused him to fall out of his chair, at which point he broke down into a mess of tears, humiliating me in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 200

You deserved it 10 895

Today, after applying for a job at a tanning salon, I was told they don't hire "naturally tan" people. I'm black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 375

You deserved it 4 421

Today, I was training a new volunteer at a clothing donation center. While explaining how to sort donations, I reached into a garbage bag full of clothes and something on my hand caught my eye. It was a bed bug. The bag was full of them and they sought refuge up my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 995

You deserved it 277