Intimacy: Today, my package arrived in the mail. I have a habit of opening... - FML

This is a Nearly FML. It’s an FML, nearly. It got positive votes from the users, by wasn’t approved by our team.

By rycubed - 21/05/2016 19:25 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my package arrived in the mail. I have a habit of opening my mother's packages when they arrive just because it feels like a mini-Christmas. My package arrived while I was away and my mother decided to return the favor. I'm a closeted gay. My package was a dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 193

You deserved it 68

May Day: Lily of the Valley and Misunderstandings
When lilies of the valley bring good luck... or not! Discover the stories behind every little bell! More…

Previous FML Next FML

Top comments

soovyl 18

Sunday 22 May 2016 14:06

I guess you kind of deserved that, OP. Your mother's packages are hers, and you really shouldn't be opening them. On the other note, hopefully she took it well?

madmonster25 14

Sunday 22 May 2016 16:32

Yeahhh... No offence OP but you kinda get what you give in situations like this, you open hers, expect her to open yours! But on a different note... Congratulations on coming out (even if it WAS an accident)!

Comments

soovyl 18

Sunday 22 May 2016 14:06

I guess you kind of deserved that, OP. Your mother's packages are hers, and you really shouldn't be opening them. On the other note, hopefully she took it well?

Draysor 6

Sunday 22 May 2016 15:16

I agree. Even though it's OP's mother I'm pretty sure it's illegal to open someone else's mail.

madmonster25 14

Sunday 22 May 2016 16:32

Yeahhh... No offence OP but you kinda get what you give in situations like this, you open hers, expect her to open yours! But on a different note... Congratulations on coming out (even if it WAS an accident)!

ImagineCrazy 27

Monday 23 May 2016 5:45

Because straight men can't put things up their butt?

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Health Painful Kids Awkward Miscellaneous Cops Money Insomnia Doctor Family Parents Work Annoying Food Love Friends Relatable AITA LGBTQIA+ Embarrassing First Dates Cheating Frustration Religion School Porn Transportation Cars Intimacy Sex

The Top

The Top

Today, marks my one hundredth pound loss. To celebrate, I put on my first backless dress I bought for this occasion. The dress fit great. Unfortunately, today also marks the realization that instead of inheriting my father's beautiful hazel eyes, the universe blessed me with his hard to get rid of back rolls instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 008

You deserved it 146

Today, I was awakened by my father saying how proud he was of his little boy. I assumed he meant me, since I landed an apprenticeship in the same union he's worked in for 25 years. Turns out he was speaking about his cat, who left a dead squirrel next to my bed. I stepped on the damn thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 284

You deserved it 233

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. I speak 4 languages and thought if I spoke French, the Officer would let me off with a warning thinking I was a tourist. Afterwards I turned to my wife and said, "I can't believe that worked." He was a few feet away and heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 491

You deserved it 104 756

Today, due to problems with my ears overproducing wax, I got my own water ear cleaner. I then learned that there's a reason doctors use warm water with it. As it turns out, if you don't use warm water, you get nauseous and begin heavily favoring one side of your body, appearing as though you're recovering from a stroke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 390

You deserved it 188

Today, my boss replied-to-all to a memo I sent, wherein he states that "Filipino" should be spelled with a double P. He spells his nationality with a double R. He's from Morocco. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 545

You deserved it 2 571

Today, while driving on the streets for the first time, my mom decided that it would be an appropriate time to yell at me for every single mistake I’ve ever made in my life. This stressed me out so much I began driving against traffic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 063

You deserved it 168