Nearly FMLs

By Cookie - 22/05/2016 22:51 - Canada - Regina

Today I went to pick up my birth control pills. I have been taking the same ones for almost 6 years, I'm 22 years old. As I was leaving the male pharmacist said, "Are these for your daughter?" Do I really look old enough to have a daughter that takes it birth control? I'm 22! FML

I agree, your life sucks 119

You deserved it 13

By Oil Expert - 22/05/2016 21:46 - United States - Pflugerville

Today, my 40 year old mother and my 20 year old brother were putting oil in the car. I came over and noticed that they were putting the oil in the brake fluid reservoir. I had to tell them it was wrong and tell them where the oil actually goes. I'm fifteen. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 11

By _aPerson_ - 22/05/2016 21:01 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I slept through a major test and emailed my professor if I could take it in the next class. I went back to sleep. When I checked my email I found out he said yes but I slept through it once again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 34

By between a mother and a mother-in-law - 22/05/2016 20:15 - United States - Houston

Today, my husband and I planned to spend the day helping my mother move...until his mother made a surprise visit and kept us hostage at our own house. We got yelled at by both moms for trying to leave and not being able to leave.

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 13

By Mom...why? - 22/05/2016 20:04 - United States

Today, I was expecting a phone call at 12:30 from a potential employer. They said they'll call with the news, and if I miss the call I probably won't get it. My mom knew this, but declined the call, saying "I want my baby boy at home." I'm 26. FML

I agree, your life sucks 138

You deserved it 11

By saturday17 - 22/05/2016 19:30 - United States - Spokane

Today, I was watching vines and realized that I was more worried about how much it would cost to fix the property damage then how funny it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 15

By Johnny Appleseed - 22/05/2016 18:53 - United States - Fort Lauderdale

Today, i was riding the subway home and the lady next to me had what looked like a mutant rat on her lap, and she was stroking it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 12

By Adorkable9999 - 22/05/2016 17:43 - United States - Denver

Today, I was reading a poem at a cafe,when I was finished I waited for everyones applaud. I stood there for 5 seconds like an idiot without any applaud, I ran off stage a 3 people clapped, I realized that I was suppose to get off stage then they clap, FML

I agree, your life sucks 187

You deserved it 47

By BuddySystem - 22/05/2016 17:37 - United States - Charlotte

Today, I've finished unpacking from my move. I made sure to put my 3DS and all 20-30 games in the same place so they'd all be together. Worked great. Now they're all lost together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 187

You deserved it 23

By My coin - 22/05/2016 16:26 - United States

Today, I found out a rare coin I had was worth one thousand dollars. Today, I also found out my brother is an asshole and ment it when he said he'll toss the coin into a lake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 541

You deserved it 83

By Mattarino - 22/05/2016 15:53 - United States - Ocala

Today, after becoming interested once again in a story I had never finished writing I decided to read what I had so far, only to find out that all but the introduction was gone. Turns out this has happened to others on the application I was using and hours of work is now gone forever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 43

By liked the view? - 22/05/2016 15:03 - United Kingdom - Kenilworth

Today, me and my boyfriend were getting it on in the car, we hadn't seen each other in a week. After we finished, we realised someone was staring right at us. We have no clue how long they were standing there. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 75

By JakeHopper3 - 22/05/2016 12:37 - United States - Munising

Today, I had a wet dream about a classmate. Now whenever I see her I get a raging erection. I have multiple classes with her and our lockers are close together. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 593

You deserved it 133

By echarlotte - 22/05/2016 12:25 - Australia - North Lakes

Today, a guy was trying to sext me while I watched a horror movie. I told him I wasn't in the mood because I was scared of the monster in the movie, and he proceeded to describe himself killing the monster while performing sexual acts with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 548

You deserved it 55

By euys - 22/05/2016 12:00 - United Kingdom - Leven

Today I gave in my notice at my crappy job that makes me cry on a daily basis. Turns out my boss thought I had already quit and hasn't paid me for the past 3 weeks. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 33

By Yayme - 22/05/2016 11:55 - Norway - Oslo

Today, after a few years of really comitting to loosing weight, I've finally reached my goal. Now I'm left with a lot of saggy, wrinkled skin on several parts of my body and the lowest self-esteem I've ever had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 472

You deserved it 56

By smellyalater - 22/05/2016 09:55 - Australia

Today, whilst at work a colleague of mine asked if she could have a word, this 'word' turned into her telling me 'I should probably wear stronger deodorant'. I was too embarrassed to mention I have a bacterial condition and am currently using prescribed deodorant. Obviously it's not working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 421

You deserved it 32

By Jess - 22/05/2016 08:06 - United States

Today I had to pick up my son from soccer practice. I saw my son from my car, so I said "Get in the car, Daddy's here!". Turns out it was a small woman with a short haircut. She flipped me off. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 401

You deserved it 52

By mackamuir - 22/05/2016 08:00 - Australia - Gold Coast

Today, I went on a blind date for dinner, She said about 10 words then went on her phone for the rest of the night, she then expected me to pay for her $60 meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 38

By Bearamber9210 - 22/05/2016 06:47 - United States

Today, the expensive acne wash I bought only causes worse acne. FML

I agree, your life sucks 258

You deserved it 31

By Leah - 22/05/2016 06:09 - Sweden - Sundbyberg

Today, I spent most of the day in excruciating pain from sore muscles. Not from working out though, but it turns out bouncing your tiny, 7 kilogram niece in your arms for 5 hours is basically equivalent to doing thousands of tiny bicep curls. I can hardly hold the phone up to type this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 266

You deserved it 31

By Lindsey - 22/05/2016 06:08 - United States

Today my boyfriend tried to pull a super sexy move by removing my shirt with his teeth. Instead he bit me on the boob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 253

You deserved it 43

By Shitty Heart - 22/05/2016 05:45 - United States - Fontana

Today, like every day for the last month, I have had to wear a $1700 portable heart monitor. My friend thought it would be funny to jump out and scare me to see how the monitor would react. It reacted by falling out of my pocket which resulted in a broken screen. I now have to pay for the damages.

I agree, your life sucks 171

You deserved it 18

By liftthetrucks - 22/05/2016 05:26 - United States

Today, I was trying out my new life proof phone case for my brand new phone. As I was trying to put it on the phone proceeded to slip out the bottem into my cats water bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 28

By ChompyRedBeard - 22/05/2016 05:05 - Canada

Today I was drinking coffee at my desk. I accidentally inhaled resulting in choking. I tried to cover my mouth but it diverted through my nose all over my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 17

By friendofawalmartthief - 22/05/2016 04:49 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I went to Walmart with a friend of mine to buy some chips and drinks. As we were leaving the store the alarm goes off, turns out he stole $150 worth of headphones and movies. I now have to go to court for being charged with theft. FML

I agree, your life sucks 167

You deserved it 13

By lexmarie12 - 22/05/2016 04:25 - United States - South Elgin

Today, I was leaving to Punta Cana with my boyfriend and friends. I fainted waiting to board my plane. No one helped because they thought I was just messing around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 8

By bmr14597 - 22/05/2016 04:19 - Australia - Bundoora

Today, I had to get my blood taken for a test at the doctors. The lady came in with a girl about my age who said she was a student nurse and would be taking my blood. I didn't have a problem with this. Until she didn't put the needle in far enough and the blood ran all down my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 16

By Peepants - 22/05/2016 04:03 - United States - Davenport

Today, while working at an outdoor event I was finally able to sneak away from my booth for a much needed pee break. It was after dark and pitch black inside the portapotty. I only realized the toilet lid was left down after my urine ran down and soaked my pants. I still work for 2 more hours. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 121

You deserved it 7

By awkward as - 22/05/2016 03:42 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my boyfriend and I were having an extra long shower together when his mother busted through the door apologizing for having the worst runs of her life, if the smell wasn't gaging enough she sprayed deoderant - it didnt help ! FML

I agree, your life sucks 127

You deserved it 13

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The Top

Today, I asked out a guy at work that I really like. He just stared at me and said, "Honestly? I'd rather smash my balls with a mallet. No offense." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 733

You deserved it 4 953

Today, I finally got the courage to ask my boss why the flowers I got her for her birthday the other day were in the conference room and not her office. She told me she was allergic to them and she had such a bad reaction that it made her go home early. I made my boss sick on her birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 975

You deserved it 1 363

Today, I asked my girlfriend if she had ever broken up with anyone. She said, "Yes. You." and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 377

You deserved it 6 561

Today, it's my birthday. My ex just sent me a text. I read it, happy he had remembered. He wanted me to know he has a new girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 674

You deserved it 2 477

Today, the area I live in is so rural that the nearest Starbucks is a one-hour drive away. And in another country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 467

You deserved it 1 322

Today, I got an e-mail from a guy I'd had a one night stand with. He wanted to get together to talk about it. Turns out he's in rehab and he wanted to address the biggest mistakes he'd ever made in his life. I am a on a drug addict's list of regrets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 226

You deserved it 14 837