Nearly FMLs

By anonymous - 20/05/2016 22:17 - United States

Today, I repaired my broken vacuum cleaner. Thrilled with the results, I had to empty it. While walking back inside I didn't notice stepping in a fresh steaming pile of dogshit and proceeded to track shit footprints across what I'd just vacuumed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 242

You deserved it 27

By CRricker - 20/05/2016 21:44 - United States - Spring

Today, I was almost run over by careless people. I had just gotten off of the school bus when suddenly a car comes out of nowhere and knocks my binder out my hand. When I get home I tell my mom "I was nearly killed by a careless driver". What does she say back to me? "Oh that's great sweety". FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 24

By LtCmdrData - 20/05/2016 21:34 - United States - Bellevue

Today, due to an issue at work, 2000+ emails were sent to a dummy email account, not real people. We were to take it in turns to forward them to the right people. I had to send an email to my co-workers explaining to them how to use email labels and how to forward an email. I work in IT. FML

I agree, your life sucks 222

You deserved it 16

By Hedwig99 - 20/05/2016 21:34 - Sweden - V?stra Fr?lunda

Today, my boyfriend texted me and told me for the first time that he loved me, he later texted "sorry, wrong number" FML

I agree, your life sucks 256

You deserved it 23

By me - 20/05/2016 21:29 - Sweden - Borl?nge

Today, I hooked up with a guy online. I asked him beforehand to not stick anything down my throat. He did. I puked. He left. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 238

You deserved it 25

By laurenkaiser98 - 20/05/2016 21:27 - United States

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to wear a clown mask and scare me in the shower while i was shaving my legs..guess who has to get stitches

I agree, your life sucks 198

You deserved it 12

By Anonymous - 20/05/2016 21:25 - Spain - M?laga

Today, I've had to explain to my boyfriend, three times, that I don't feel like sleeping over at his, not because I don't love him, but because I've just finished my last week of school and have spent a month studying and getting maybe four hours of sleep a night. He still doesn't understand it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 175

You deserved it 17

By The_Waffle - 20/05/2016 21:18 - United States - Cleveland

Today, one of my favorite shows was canceled. The last episode of it ended on a cliffhanger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 40

By ugh - 20/05/2016 21:06 - Colombia - Bogot?

Today, my crush asked me for relationship advice. It was to impress my best friend. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 138

You deserved it 21

By anon - 20/05/2016 20:45 - United States - Newport News

Today, while getting intimate with me boyfriend, he was sucking and biting on my inner thighs when he accidentally sucked too hard on a pimple he didn't see and it popped in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153

You deserved it 14

By A - 20/05/2016 20:37 - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, my girlfriend exclaimed that peanut butter tasted like peanuts. She was being serious. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 13

By nolucknojob - 20/05/2016 20:35 - United States - Breaux Bridge

Today, I got fired from my job because I didn't have a conversation with my fellow coworkers while waiting for a meeting to start. I'm 6 months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 126

You deserved it 16

By It looked like the scene from Carrie. - 20/05/2016 20:20 - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, my girlfriend started her period. While I was eating her out. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 163

You deserved it 21

By Dboe - 20/05/2016 20:19 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got arrested, yesterday I won a full ride scholarship and now I might lose it FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 42

By FerusBlade - 20/05/2016 20:19 - United States - Orlando

Today, after being told I got all A's for the year in my senior year, the dean informed me that it was a mistake and my best friend made it not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120

You deserved it 12

By Anonymous - 20/05/2016 20:17 - United States - Missouri City

Today, I was cleaning when I found a condom wrapper behind the toilet. I confronted my live-in boyfriend about it, who insisted that it was from us. Not only have we only had sex once (my first time) and we didn't use a condom, but the only person who's been over is my sister. Really? FML

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 10

By GhostFox - 20/05/2016 20:02 - United States - Lake City

Today, my mother chewed me out for not getting her opinion on a change in medication. This after she spent a month chewing me out for asking her advice on medical issues. I can't win, and now I'm scared to ask her and not ask her opinion on things. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 12

By ber4fun - 20/05/2016 20:02 - United States - Washington

Today, my girlfriend who traveled over 3,000 miles 1 year ago to move in with me is cheating on me. We were in a long distance relationship prior to this for 3 years in which she was faithful the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 13

By OverItAll - 20/05/2016 19:44 - United States - Rutherfordton

Today, I was hired for a second job, which I desperately need because I'm living with my boyfriend in a house with no running water and he's unwilling to help us out of this situation. His reaction? He's mad that he won't get to see me as much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 9

By Bethany - 20/05/2016 19:31 - Germany

Today, even though my boyfriend knew that I was a devout catholic before he asked me on a date, he's pissed that I keep refusing to have sex. Apparently, he thought I was just playing hard to get and that I would eventually drop my panties like all the other slutty "religious" girls he claims to have fucked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 134

You deserved it 3 170

By screwHR - 20/05/2016 19:04 - United States

Today, I'm sitting in a meeting with HR all because my drawer was short and my personal account was negitive, the reason my account was negitive; HR took money out for my uniform. FML

I agree, your life sucks 99

You deserved it 12

By hannahhuguley15 - 20/05/2016 18:28 - United States - Vernon

Today, this guy kept touching my leg and wouldn't stop. Guess who go in trouble for slapping him? FML

I agree, your life sucks 113

You deserved it 7

By thanks Obama - 20/05/2016 18:27 - United States - Cleveland

Today, on my way home after getting fired for using the wrong card for a customer, I almost hit a kid who ran out in front of me, rolled my car, and broke my wrist. When things go wrong they really go wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 11

By 1001rejections - 20/05/2016 18:16 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, a very handsome guy came up to me and started talking to me. He accused me of secretly snapping his photo. I wasn't. The only time a cute guy approaches me is to pick a fight. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 92

You deserved it 9

By SMASHing - 20/05/2016 18:12 - Ireland - Swords

Today, is the second day of investigation from when someone snuck into our school at night and smashed the windows. It's also the fifth day of breaking up with my ex. She told the faculty she saw me. Everyone believed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 11

By anonymous - 20/05/2016 18:10 - United States - Wakefield

Today, while trying to have sex with my girlfriend In her bedroom, I noticed her window was wide open and her neighbors were watching us. So I got up to shut the window and as I walked to the window I tripped and fell out the window and onto the side roof ass naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 10

By FmlContinously - 20/05/2016 18:09 - United States

Today, I decided to buy some vitamin E oil for my sunburn. Little did I know that two minutes after applying it to my entire body I would be clawing like a flea consumed wild animal due to an allergic reaction. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 9

By MagicSpaceWizard - 20/05/2016 18:07 - United States

Today, my friend screamed at me. She all of a sudden started blaming me for her period being stronger then usual and saying how I'm the reason for all of her pain. I've heard the phrase, "Fuck your vagina!" 17 times now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 10

By Tarlachia - 20/05/2016 17:41 - United States - Apopka

Today, my three year old daughter has become the epitome of the devil's child. She's even nailed the banshee shrieking. Why? Because she wanted to wear her Elsa (Frozen) socks, which she had worn the day before. We should've known what to expect when her birth weight was 6 lbs, 6.6 oz. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 12

By anonymous - 20/05/2016 17:31

Today, I've been in Honduras, diving and snorkeling for a class all week. I started to notice that my bum was hurting every time I sat down. It turns out I have huge rash from being in wet clothes for 6 days straight. It still hurts. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 73

You deserved it 10

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was talking to my parents about feeling insecure with my "beach body" as Spring Break keeps getting closer and closer. My dad warned me by saying, "Don't wear a gray swimsuit. People will try to roll you back into the ocean". FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 508

You deserved it 8 821

Today, after a haircut, I walked to the cash register, handed the hairdresser a $20 bill and said, "Keep the change." He looked at me with a blank expression and replied, "The haircut costs 25 dollars." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 443

You deserved it 50 232

Today, my dad was helping my fiancé and me move. On the way, someone sideswiped the trailer. When the police came, we found my dad had a suspended license, no insurance, and a broken tail light. No one else could drive a manual, so we were stuck in a parking lot for 3 hours. Thanks, dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 949

You deserved it 5 717

Today, I was sitting on the back porch with my husband. I felt two raindrops land on my head, so I said we should go inside because it was starting to rain. It turned out to just be a bird shitting on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 018

You deserved it 134

Today, my 4-year-old daughter slipped on ceramic tile and I had to take her to the ER for 5 stitches to her chin. When we got home, I promptly split her chin open again as I over enthusiastically re-enacted how she fell to my husband and accidentally clocked her square in the chin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 472

You deserved it 16 489

Today, it's been two months since I started dating a woman I met at work after she had found out her boyfriend cheated on her. She confessed to me she only looked through his phone to find evidence so she wouldn’t feel bad for liking me. I was happy as can be for two months. Now she’s now going back to her ex. We all see each other every Sunday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 481

You deserved it 242