Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 20/05/2016 06:10 - United States - Bellevue

Today, I was supposed to go on a movie date with a guy I met about a month ago and when it was time for me to go meet him at the movies, he just stopped responding to my texts and blocked me on all social media for no reason at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 44

By diaper time...? - 20/05/2016 04:37 - United States - Bloomington

Today, the babysitter informed me that she "couldn't" change my two-year-old's diaper today because "your daughter wouldn't stop screaming long enough for me to get close." FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 42

By Not a ghost - 20/05/2016 04:24 - United States - Bloomington

Today, my mother called to wish me a happy birthday. Except it's my sister's birthday. My sister who died in a car accident three years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 36

By lfloyd0504 - 20/05/2016 02:19 - United States - Summerfield

Today, when my class was about to start the AP Microeconomics exam, our teacher confessed that he had accidentally switched his Macro and Micro classes all semester and taught us macroeconomics. I sat in horror as I watched the valedictorian draw hand turkeys on the essay questions. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 405

You deserved it 31

By eternally damned - 20/05/2016 01:56 - United States - Collierville

Today, I punched a kid that has been bullying me for five years. I busted his lip. Guess who's suspended for finally standing up for themselves? FML.

I agree, your life sucks 416

You deserved it 68

By saddaymr.turtle - 20/05/2016 01:47 - United States - Beechgrove

Today, my mom and dad went for a walk to get some exercise. When they came back, they'd decided it was time to separate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 42

By Black sheep - 20/05/2016 01:01 - Canada - Vernon

Today, my Dad asked me to consider moving out so he and his new fiance could strengthen their relationship. It turns out this was just an excuse to get rid of me, because his fiance' and her kids don't like me. Her kids moved in after I moved out. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 287

You deserved it 21

By alazye20 - 20/05/2016 00:05 - United States

Today, almost two weeks after teacher appreciation week, I received several gifts cards from one of my students and her mother. After calling to check the amount on each one, it confirmed that every card has a zero balance! Apparently, the mother must think that I've done nothing for her child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 207

You deserved it 23

By JustTrynaLearn - 19/05/2016 23:54 - United States - Pharr

Today, some wonderful human being stole my Amazon package from my porch. Unless they're trying to learn Japanese, I doubt they'll find the $40 kanji dictionary software I bought very useful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 214

You deserved it 20

By Mililegs - 19/05/2016 23:33 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I took 3 fibre caplets, a laxative and shoved a suppository up my butt. I've been constipated for a week STRAIGHT and bowels have started aggressively moving (gas included) as i'm boarding a plane for a 5 hour flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 181

You deserved it 54

By Shithappens1020 - 19/05/2016 23:08 - United States - Hialeah

Today, I found out my father and I both hate taking scorching hot showers when my mom decided to tell me about them showering together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 16

By FmlContinously - 19/05/2016 23:00 - United States - Memphis

Today, my five year old daughter told me the music I like is just "noise". FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 22

By I'lldeckya? - 19/05/2016 22:37 - United States - Midlothian

Today, I got attacked on social media. In my bio, I had put "LAUREN I SEE YOU". I was talking about my friend Lauren. I got a message from another person that was named Lauren. She happened to be lurking on my account and saw my bio. Her friends have threatened to find me and "deck me". FML.

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 17

By anonymous - 19/05/2016 22:30 - United States - Houston

Today, I was petting my cat when all of sudden I felt something in my eye. I went to look in the mirror expecting to find a place of cat hair or an eyelash. Nope. It was a flea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 145

You deserved it 18

By Ash-o - 19/05/2016 22:29 - United States - Melrose Park

Today, I realized the empty cup in my room I've been putting all the money I've made from serving in the last couple weeks WASN'T totally empty. Just spent 10 minutes washing $500 in 20's with soap and water. They were suspiciously slimy which leads me to believe the cup wasnt full of water... FML.

I agree, your life sucks 119

You deserved it 15

By Anonymous - 19/05/2016 21:58

Today, I experienced Newtons lesser known 4th Law of Motion "a student in bed will remain in bed unless acted upon by a large enough panic". By that I mean I remembered I have a 10,000 word essay due in 14 hours and so far I've only written my name and half the introductory paragraph. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 45

By 9000bees - 19/05/2016 21:44 - United States - Bastrop

Today I went to play laser tag. It was really fun, until it was time to leave. I confused the normal exit door with the fire exit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 24

By PeppermintPenny - 19/05/2016 21:28 - Germany - Munich

Today, I tried to use a menstrual cup for the first time. It took me half an hour to get it back out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 14

By DabDayz - 19/05/2016 21:08 - United States - Canonsburg

Today at work I had a group of gentlemen sat in my section, I realized I had gone to school with them all. After I ran back and forth for them, they thanked me for my service and insured a great tip. Later after cleaning off their table they left me a dollar.

I agree, your life sucks 145

You deserved it 10

By credit cards are better than money - 19/05/2016 20:58 - United States - Wheaton

Today, I found out that I have everything needed to buy a house except preexisting debt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124

You deserved it 15

By SaveEdit - 19/05/2016 20:54 - United States - Irving

Today, I was vacuuming my car out at a busy car wash, when the machine's automated voice kept repeating "Ow, don't hit me. Vandalism is a crime." FML

I agree, your life sucks 127

You deserved it 12

By Anonymous - 19/05/2016 19:58 - United States

Today, while playing Undertale, I tried to explain to my younger sibling that yes, we each have a skeleton in our own body. He didn't take it well. He's 16 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 218

You deserved it 14

By scholarship woes - 19/05/2016 19:51 - United States - Lexington

Today, I was awarded a sizable scholarship. Problem is I have to go to a long awards ceremony tonight to receive it, but if I go, I won't be able to finish a big project that I have been working on, and my grade will dip enough that the scholarship will be revoked. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 146

You deserved it 10

By BadLuck - 19/05/2016 17:46 - United States

Today, I went to a fancy party wearing a vintage dress. I got a lot of compliments on my dress and bragged about how I'd also worn it to my high school prom. My dress ended up taring up the back revealing my butt to the whole party. The party was on a boat so I couldn't even go home early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 17

By Unlucky Uncle - 19/05/2016 17:18 - United States - Coweta

Today, I went to a wedding, with hundreds of people, of a not-well-known relative. As I started a conversation with someone I did not recognize, I said "so who's the bastard tying the knot." Turns out that not only was it him, it was enough to push him to cancel the wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 381

You deserved it 119

By IdioticPerson - 19/05/2016 17:16 - Norway - Skjetten

Today we had a test at school. The teacher used my working sheet with my answers on and told everyone it was mine, then telling everyone every answer that was wrong. The whole class laughed each time along with my teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 40

By Tanit94 - 19/05/2016 17:05 - United Kingdom - Maidenhead

Today, I ordered £20 worth of takeaway just to get for the dessert a strawberry cheesecake that I've been craving for a week. The delivery comes in, I'm so excited, I put everything on the table and go to the bathroom for 2 minutes. When I came back where was my cheesecake? In my dog's stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 292

You deserved it 47

By mr. lame - 19/05/2016 17:03 - United States - Cleveland

Today, after finally getting a girlfriend for the first time ever, I woke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 284

You deserved it 43

By eyebrowss - 19/05/2016 16:56 - Australia - Mooroolbark

Today, I found out that at the age of 21, i need a hip replacement due to servere arthritis. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 312

You deserved it 30

By InsipidPotatoes - 19/05/2016 16:55 - Israel - Tel Aviv

Today, I wonder why my kitten did not respond to her name, which is Alice. She does respond to vagina though. Thanks sis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 265

You deserved it 17

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, my wife has cancer but rather than go to hospital like a sane person, she has started going to church as often as possible, even though in the history of mankind I can’t remember a single instance where praying to some statue with a cross has ever cured cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 107

You deserved it 1 153

Today, a coworker accidentally drank my coffee and made me more in an identical mug, placing it back like nothing happened. Thanks to all the sucralose in the not-my-soy creamer she used, I'm still on the can. It's midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 055

You deserved it 474

Today, I found out that the girl that my boyfriend considers “one of the guys” isn’t really one of the guys after all. I trusted him to let her stay at his house overnight on several occasions, and to spend alone time with her. She’s pregnant, and the baby is his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 338

Today, I was complimented by a stranger, who said I looked great in my outfit. I thanked her, and she immediately gave me a fist-bump. I stared curiously, and she explained: she was arguing with her friends about whether I'm a man or a woman. The pitch of my voice was the answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 484

You deserved it 4 524

Today, it was my birthday. None of my family members wished me a happy birthday and neither did the 1,000+ "friends" I have on Facebook either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 366

Today, I was having a conversation with my mother during which I described something as being pungent. She thought I had made up the word, so I grabbed the dictionary to show her that I hadn't. She then became enraged, threw the dictionary at my head and told me never to talk to her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 898

You deserved it 3 633