Nearly FMLs

By cantlookyouintheeyes - 04/06/2016 12:39 - United States - Steubenville

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. He threw the condom in the trash along with other items that needed to be thrown out. Later, his dad called him to ask him why he threw out old hair clippers, which he then picked up, along with our used condom. I can't look his dad in the eyes now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 319

You deserved it 60

By numbat97 - 04/06/2016 08:10 - Australia - Perth

Today, I found out that my job is so unnecessary that it's based under the miscellaneous award. FML

I agree, your life sucks 284

You deserved it 35

By mekiswrite - 04/06/2016 02:52 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I've been trying to find a job for weeks. I can't even get a call back from the staffing agency in town. FML

I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 37

By anonymous - 04/06/2016 02:03 - United States

Today, I was turned down for a research position because my ethical standards are too high. I left my last job because I was forced to fudge numbers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 331

You deserved it 39

By chrisann1023 - 04/06/2016 01:39

Today, I had to cover someone's lunch at work. Usually that's no big deal but the person never came back. It took 2 hours before someone came and took my place. Turns out not only did they forget I was there, no one realized I was there is the first place. Thanks Walmart! FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 37

By Anonymous - 04/06/2016 01:38 - United States - Mckinney

Today, my date noticed a wrapped package in my pocket and assumed the worse. I think the next time I date, I won't use wrapped mints to prepare myself for a good-night kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 40

By juliettalphakilo - 04/06/2016 01:25 - United States

Today, I got hot grease splashed on my breasts to remind me not to cook in my panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 266

You deserved it 113

By pengoo - 04/06/2016 01:19 - Canada - Steinbach

Today, I was going to hook up with the guy I've been talking to. I got my period. Tomorrow he leaves for two months in Sweden. FML

I agree, your life sucks 248

You deserved it 33

By katied - 04/06/2016 01:13 - United States - Seattle

Today, on pay day, after attending a work conference, which I was very nervous about, I was feeling fabulous about my performance and riding high on my graduate school application meeting. That is, until I wasn't paying attention, curb checked my car, and had to replace two tires. Bye, bye, $500.

I agree, your life sucks 200

You deserved it 42

By Anonymous - 04/06/2016 00:38 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, my coworker decided to criticize my performance at work. Apparently, my competence and good work ethic are making her and the rest of the lazy idiots I work with look terrible by comparison, and it could cost me my job. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 248

You deserved it 22

By facepeel - 04/06/2016 00:32 - United States - San Francisco

Today, trying charcoal face peel for the first time, I peeled off my eyebrows too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 183

You deserved it 17

By echo2romeo - 04/06/2016 00:30 - United States - Pensacola

Today, Staff Sergeant came to me during class asking what my grade was and if I had ever got any negative entries in my record. Turns out I'm #1 in the class and meet every requirment... EXCEPT that I ran too slow during my PT test. He said he would have promoted me to Lance Corporal...FML

I agree, your life sucks 183

You deserved it 19

By silverview - 04/06/2016 00:22 - United States - Matthews

Today, it's been exactly four weeks since my wooden stairs were accidentally sprayed with wood polisher from when the banister was cleaned, which inevitably led to me falling down them and bruising my tailbone. Even after all this time my butt still hurts when I sit down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 148

You deserved it 20

By luverlyme - 04/06/2016 00:18 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, Someone rear ended me on the way back from the gym. Waiting for the cops and the Glee version of "bust the windows out your car" comes on. Not funny universe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 12

By ShotDown - 04/06/2016 00:12 - United States - Clinton

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blowjob. He was really into it, moaning my name and stuff. Too bad I have a slight gap in my bottom two teeth and it was big enough to catch skin, making him jump back and stop cursing. I felt so bad and he wouldn't let me continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 14

By brainz - 04/06/2016 00:03 - United States - Mankato

Today, due to a moodswing I cried for nearly a half hour. A few hours later, and I only just realized that somehow it caused many bloodvessels to break, making my already puffy eyes have red blotchy skin around them that makes me look like a zombie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 14

By lifesaver - 04/06/2016 00:02 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, my friend had a seizure then blacked out in my car. I had to drive her to the hospital. I did CPR and chest compressions at every red light. My boyfriend broke up with me because he didn't believe me and thought I was with a guy. I guess saving her life wasn't as important as being with him.

I agree, your life sucks 129

You deserved it 14

By KneeJerker - 03/06/2016 23:53 - United States

Today, my Physics teacher decided that he was going to pull the final a week early. I had to take that final today, after being out until 2 am the night before, since I performed in a choir concert. I don't know if I knew it all or, in my sleep deprived state, I guessed on everything and failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 16

By Troubled - 03/06/2016 23:46 - United States - Duluth

Today, I was having the usual sex with my girlfriend of two years. Just as she tells me we should keep it down because other people were home, my brother barges in and demands to know why I'm sleeping with his girl. She says she couldn't tell us apart and dated us both before leaving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140

You deserved it 15

By babynoob456 - 03/06/2016 23:42 - United States - Escondido

Today, I went over to have dinner at my boyfriend's house with his family and parent's friends. The night before, he told me he needed to talk to me, but I assumed it was no big deal. After a great night, he proceeded to break up with me. Then, I backed into his parents' friend's car. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 10

By oombaga - 03/06/2016 23:28 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I told a pun at university, when all of a sudden my foot was in a sharp pain and I collapsed to the floor. Turns out I had fractured bones in my foot, all while standing still. The worst part? I can't even remember the god damn pun. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 11

By iamaperson13 - 03/06/2016 23:21 - United States - Houston

Today, I came home from school. I went to my room like I always do, only to find my stuff being thrown out and being painted bright pink. When I asked my mum about it, she said that I'll be moving in the basement. Why? My room is for the 9 year old orphan she's adopting. No one told me about this. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 14

By Carlo - 03/06/2016 23:11 - United States - Plymouth

Today I moved my bike to an indoor trainer, to get in shape. I installed a new seat post, for comfort. The seat post resisted. I forced it. Now it's stuck. Too high to ride. To stuck to remove. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89

You deserved it 11

By unpleasantlymoist - 03/06/2016 23:04 - United States

Today, the hotel I live and work at is having one of its busiest weekends. Since 8 am I have done breakfast, laundry, and housekeeping. Just as I clock out, a transformer across the street blew out and the whole area is without power. No shower and Mass Effect for me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 85

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 03/06/2016 22:56 - United States

Today I realized I've been single so long that my leg hair is curly FML.

I agree, your life sucks 312

You deserved it 91

By LoveThat - 03/06/2016 22:36 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I went to a festival I've been waiting to go to for months. The whole day was great, that is until I felt a warm sensation down my body during the act I'd wanted to see the most. Yep, someone threw up all over me.

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 28

By AudreyBuff - 03/06/2016 22:30 - United States - Greenville

Today, I decided to do something nice for my parents & went outside to pull up weeds. I went in a huge, deeply-rooted patch of weeds, & I fell down and the roots cut my legs a lot when pulling them up. Suddenly, my mom ran from the house yelling at me. Apparently those weeds were poison oak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 8

By Life is rough - 03/06/2016 22:29 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I sliced open my foot at the beach. Trying to get into my car I remember I locked my keys in the trunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 28

By DepressedDriver - 03/06/2016 22:28 - United States - Southfield

Today, while having a few drinks with my mom, cousin, and his wife my mom boldly asked my cousin "What doesn't she like?" in the general sense. My cousin, in a not-so-shy manner answered "So far, anal." to which my mom replied "Me either" and proceeded to tell a story of her and my father... FML

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 32

By tgarret41_ - 03/06/2016 22:20

Today, as I was trying to give my boyfriend head I laughed so hard I peed. He then went soft and got mad. This isnt the first or second time Ive done this.

I agree, your life sucks 232

You deserved it 56

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I pulled my motorcycle into a wheelie when my crush drove by. She was the one who drove me to the hospital when I went over backward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 086

You deserved it 52 745

Today, I went on a date with the girl I like to a skating rink. On the ride home she put her arm around me. Her armpits stank and I smelt them the whole hour and a half drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 413

You deserved it 9 767

Today, I confidently told my friends I had a high spice tolerance and took a shot of insanely hot ghost pepper sauce. I immediately hiccuped, tears started streaming down my cheeks, and I coughed so hard I fell off my chair and knocked stuff off of the table. We were in a restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 795

Today, I had a job interview. I got there as quick as I could, having to travel two hours into a city I'd never been to. When I arrived, they told me I was turned down for being too late. They'd rescheduled the interview an hour earlier and I wasn't notified of the change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 701

You deserved it 207

Today, I asked my girlfriend what she loves the most about me. She said it's the fact that I look like her cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 749

You deserved it 4 126

Today, my drunk neighbor couldn’t get into his apartment and thought it would be a good idea to poop in our yard. He left a pile of diarrhea under our window, and poop-stained napkins all over the lawn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 037

You deserved it 68