Nearly FMLs

By Crouching cashier hidden college student - 10/07/2017 03:11

Today, at my job as a McDonald's cashier, I was helping a customer that was progressively getting more and more irate. Eventually she drove off whilst verbally abusing me.The problem? Her sales tax was 47 cents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 3

By BigD - 09/07/2017 20:05 - United States - Newington

Today, after listening to my GF of 7 years complain about us not having anything together I purchased a boat with her. I looked forward to taking the maiden voyage tomorrow as my daughter had a swim meet today. She just sent me pics of her and her friends and our new boat cruising on a lake.....FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 14

By Anonymous - 10/07/2017 01:55

Today, I learned that a friend of my girlfriend is staying indefinitely. She promised she'd only be here for a month while she makes preparations for a trip. Neither of those things I was aware of until they happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 3

By Morgan - 10/07/2017 00:32

Today, I was sitting next to my man of three years conversing with his grandmother and great grandmother. I was listening to these women chat while my man sat next to me and bounced his leg,which was touching mine. I then realized he was doing it to discreetly entertain himself with my breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 9

By onye - 09/07/2017 22:39

Today, I'm heavily pregnant. My grandpa asked me infront of my husband whether I knew the father, and said that he himself probably wasn't it. He also claimed to be my "spare husband" and invited me into his bed, among other similar comments. He does that every time he sees me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 7

By suxstobeme - 09/07/2017 22:31

In the military, left a unit to start fresh and have completely forgotten the worst few year of my life. Until my best friend from my last unit transferred in unexpectedly. I was so excited to see him I began having wild sex fantasies about him and now can't look him in the eye. I'm married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 9

By Worse than Halo Wars - 09/07/2017 21:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I got a 30 minute snarling lecture from my boyfriend about why World Of Tanks logic was full of shit and screaming rants whenever his tank exploded. My blood-pressure has spiked so high I'm getting stress induced headaches from a game I'm not even playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 8

By "why me" - 09/07/2017 20:23

today I found out my girlfriend has been sleeping with my boss...fml

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

By AppleSass - 09/07/2017 19:49

Today, when grocery shopping with my husband, I decided to get things for a dinner I know he likes but I don't particularly care for, because I wanted to for him. This resulted in a yelling match and silent treatment from him, because he doesn't understand why I would do that if I don't like it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69

You deserved it 7

By Anonymous - 09/07/2017 18:50

Today, I got surprised by heavy lightning storm during a long walk in the fields. My boyfriend, dry and safe inside and with a car at his disposal, laughed at me and wished me good luck. The walk home took me one hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 10

By SorryNain - 09/07/2017 17:05 - United Kingdom - Warrington

Today, I found out that my grandmother died three months ago, but nobody bothered to tell me. I only know at all because aunt put up a new Facebook status. It was a rant about how she was getting post addressed to her mum, who died back at the end of March. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 5

By Anonymous - 09/07/2017 10:13 - Australia

Today my cough induced incontinence hit a new high. I had just relieved myself and took a step away from the toilet, coughed and peed myself. I'm considering my first purchase of adult diapers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 6

By mikeymouse - 09/07/2017 07:53

Today after weeks of flirting, my coworker and I were alone in my storeroom and she was giving me oral. As I climaxed the door opened and in walked my boss along with the CEO doing a site visit....FML.

I agree, your life sucks 35

You deserved it 114

By mikeymouse - 09/07/2017 07:33 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today cops showed up at my work, arrest me in front of everyone and throw me into the cop car. Turns out they arrested the wrong guy with the same name.Fired because they do not hire criminals even after I showed them the pardon.Turns out I blew a huge deal we were closing. FML!!!!

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 6

By manicpanic - 09/07/2017 05:59

Today I realized that because I panicked when purchasing plane tickets for my school session in another country I am going to be stranded in another country in a month and there's no one who can help me.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30

You deserved it 21

By "Dreamer5393" - 08/07/2017 22:40 - United States - Neenah

Today I went to Lifest and wore what I thought would be super comfy shoes. After just walking in I had 7 huge blisters. I don't think I'll be able to walk for awhile. Goodbye gym membership, FML

I agree, your life sucks 28

You deserved it 6

By kitcat2.0 - 09/07/2017 01:56

A month ago someone stole my wallet. Yesterday I finally built up the will to replace everything in it. I spent 4 hours at the bank and 3 hours at the DMV only to receive a phone call today that it had been found and turned into the police station.

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 8

By HeyThatsBad - 08/07/2017 16:34 - United States - Seattle

Today, I heard something rustling in the bushes in my backyard, when I went to investigate, the neighbors dog jumped out and bit my hand. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 4

By Goldfish - 09/07/2017 00:28

Today, my marriage is officially over. My husband has decided he wants to sleep with other girls and has taken everything. Now, im homeless with no car and ended up losing my job...oh and im 5 months pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 8

By ForeverJasmine - 08/07/2017 23:03

Today I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years. He won't let me get my mirror I made in high school wood shop 5 years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 8

By Sleepdeprived - 08/07/2017 21:14

Today, I had the privilege of sharing a hotel room with two girls from my school. They made fun of people on the trip until 3:00am then went to sleep at which point one started snoring. We have to be up at 5:30 for a 19 hr day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 9

By Anonymous - 08/07/2017 21:12

My boyfriend has been broken up with his ex for 2+ years. Not only does he have EVERY gift she has given him, but he also has a framed photo of them together, too. He constantly talks about her and tells me EXTREMELY personal stuff about her. We've been dating for almost a year..

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 26

By CursedBlood - 08/07/2017 19:58

Today preparing for trip, locked keys in car. Got help from AAA. Said it can't get worse. Then neighbor backed out and hit my car.

I agree, your life sucks 46

You deserved it 3

By The Dishwasher - 08/07/2017 19:36

Today I had to leave work early- the third time in the month I've worked there. Why? Because my hands hurt so badly I can't wash dishes with them- and I need the time off to let them get better. Only problem is that they hurt because of the work. They get worse every time I go in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 7

By child - 08/07/2017 18:53

Today, I accidentally called my mother "Mommy" in front of my entire family. I'm 34. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 18

By CrappySituation. - 08/07/2017 17:09 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I got let out of class early and headed straight home. I got in went upstairs to take a leak only to find my roommate giving her boyfriend an enema with the shower hose. I just let out a small laugh and gave panicked sorry before closing the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 12

By Hangry - 08/07/2017 16:57 - United Kingdom - Northolt

Today my wealthy mother-in-law ripped me a new one because I fed my hungry infant blueberries. Problem is, we're overseas visiting and we can only eat foods shes okayed - frozen peas and what she admits to be "potatoes that fall apart when they're cooked." I'm also pregnant. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 11

By Anonymous - 08/07/2017 17:19

Today, just as I was looking forward to having my brother move in with me, he tells me that he's been practicing his saxophone again. His musicianship was the worst part of living with him in the first place.

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 12

By "neesaun" - 08/07/2017 17:47 - Pakistan - Lahore

Today, when I went to my office to find a client's file, I realised that the landlord had packed our stuff and put it in a store, assuming we had simply up and left our running practice. My car had broken down and I had been taking care of my grandmother , that's why I hadn't been going in for work.

I agree, your life sucks 47

You deserved it 5

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The Top

Today, we went to an amusement park, or tried to. My idiot husband stuck his hand under his shirt like a gun and demanded free passes and "all the cash" as a joke. He's banned for life, they escorted us off the premises, and my children are inconsolable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 639

You deserved it 174

Today, I finally had someone else touch my man parts. It was my doctor, checking for testicular cancer and a hernia, as part of my yearly physical. He's the only person other than myself to touch my junk in the last 4 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 162

You deserved it 231

Today, I spent almost $200 on a planetarium show with my boyfriend, who loves astronomy. He said his favorite thing about it was that he could pick his nose without anyone noticing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 426

You deserved it 3 791

Today, my girlfriend and I were making out while she was laying on me. Her little brother walked in, saw us and yelled, "Mom they're swallowing each other!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 745

You deserved it 24 591

Today, I had a Zoom meeting with co-workers. I didn’t get enough sleep last night and it was early in the morning, so I was super tired. I dozed off and my head hit the keyboard’s space bar. Apparently, this feature allows the mic to unmute itself. The entire group heard my snoring. I woke up unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 1 099

Today, is the third day since I opened my small coffee shop. My parents had given me a nice frame to put my first dollar from working in. I had to sneak in a dollar from my own wallet so they wouldn't know how bad business was when they came to visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 263

You deserved it 2 843