Nearly FMLs

By ForeverUnemployed - 15/07/2017 08:19

Today, at an out of state job fair, the person who interviewed me told me I was perfect for the job; I just needed a license. I exchanged emails weekly with HR for 3 months, and $222.10 later, I had it. I asked, “what’s next?” Judging by HR’s silence, I think the answer is, "find another job." FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 14

By BJlady - 15/07/2017 06:44

Today, I managed to go home with a really hot guy after drinking at the bar. Things got a bit exciting on the way home, so when we got to his house I started giving him a blowjob on the front lawn. Only to have his flat mates walk out of the house and catch me with his dick in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40

You deserved it 145

By Ungrateful and lazy - 15/07/2017 05:15

Today, my mom called me an ungrateful lazy brat and now refuses to speak to me because I didn't help her clean the house. I have my own apartment and moved out over three years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108

You deserved it 7

By Born blonde - 15/07/2017 04:31

Today I set my foam hair dye next to my husbands shaving cream. After finishing "dyeing" my hair, I saw that the dye hadn't been touched. Time to start all over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 53

By Anonymous - 15/07/2017 03:27

Today, I met the guy of my dreams. Handsome, sweet, caring and likes me back. The downside? I move out of the country in two weeks. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 6

By SoapySucker - 13/07/2017 23:00

Today, I realised that I CAN remove the detergent drawer from the washing machine in my rented house, after months of trying not to damage it by forcing it. To bad this revelation came AFTER I have siphoned off a mug full of old soapy water with only a straw and my own tenacity ...FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 21

By Catdog - 13/07/2017 21:54 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today my dog decided it would be fun to hide my honors theosus in his stomach. He the proceeded to reveal the content of the report and his stomach all over my brand new laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 12

By almost died - 13/07/2017 17:54

Today, after 5 years saving for a 6 month trip of a lifetime, I was discharged from the local hospital and told to return home. I only arrived 2 weeks ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 8

By StressedStepMum - 13/07/2017 14:45

Today, I was accused of not treating my step-children like my own child. I cook, clothe, clean & care for them. I buy them all they need & on occasion anything they want. In return they never listen, argue all the time, complain I do nothing with them, and accuse me of abusing them if I yell . FML

I agree, your life sucks 111

You deserved it 8

By Jane E - 13/07/2017 14:41

Today, my phone fell from my back pocket straight into the toilet. I've heard of this happening countless times. I distinctly remember choosing not to insure the phone because 'I'm not that stupid.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 77

By Anonymous - 13/07/2017 08:52

I moved across the country into an apartment that I wasn't able to look at before signing. I'm now finding multiple live and dead cockroaches. Looks like no sleep for me tonight.

I agree, your life sucks 45

You deserved it 37

By Keeping my seat forever now. - 13/07/2017 02:21 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I gave my seat to an old woman on the subway. It was rush hour and I was holding a bunch of bags but no one offers her a seat so I do. Soon after I gave it up, I regretted it. My bags kept flying left and right spilling some of my stuff. I leave and realize that I lost my wallet and $800. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 13

By Dying Slowly - 13/07/2017 07:44

Today, I went to my third day of work at my new job. Today also marks the third day I was supposed to receive training but instead was left alone to deal with angry customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 3

By Joe - 13/07/2017 07:37

Today, I was in my barn tending the cows when my girlfriend and her friends confronted me. You see, I've been cheating on her for the past 7 months, and it looked like she found out. I got about a hundred facefuls of cow poop and a lot of degrading insults before she broke up with me. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 210

By Anonymous - 13/07/2017 07:01

Today, it came to my attention that my boyfriend has been cheating on me, which isn't uncommon nowadays. Threw me off that it was with his step sister though. I've had suspicions about it but was reassured by him many times that nothing was going on...FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 8

By "tease_ftx" - 13/07/2017 06:04

Went outside to check the laundry at 9pm. Got bit by mosquitos on my ass, knee, thigh, behind my knee right in the bend, and on my other thigh. Im severely allergic and they end up golf ball size. Fml.

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 9

By TCRII - 12/07/2017 23:07 - United States - Springfield

Today, my wife told me that she wants to get two horses. 4 months ago, she wanted to get 2 puppies - she got five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 11

By Sleepless Beauty - 13/07/2017 03:44

Today I "won" at Family-Bed-Tetris... Yes, being left with no other space after toilet, I ended up sleeping at my husbands and kids feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 10

By Anonymous - 12/07/2017 18:37 - United States - Portland

Today, after being told my recently purchased car would take two weeks to be fixed, I decided I'd drive my backup/project car. Which promptly developed an oil leak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 6

By Crucre - 12/07/2017 21:45

Today, I learned if you lack two or more forms of identification, you have a hard time proving you exist to the government. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 6

By "ali927truthh" - 12/07/2017 19:53

Today, my I looked through my 13-year-old's cell phone only to find out she's been "sexting" boys. Time to take away her phone. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 84

You deserved it 15

By tooth troubles - 12/07/2017 19:45

Today I found out that to get the tooth that is embedded in my sinuses extracted it will cost $1200. I make $500 each paycheck. I dunno where I'll find the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 6

By Thoughtless Daughter - 12/07/2017 16:05

Today, I gifted my mother a beautiful gold plaited rose pin, her favourite flower. She chastised me for wasting money, that she doesn't wear pins, and will be donating it to our church's bazaar. When I asked for it back she retorted "No! You gave it to me! I own it now!" Seriously? FML

I agree, your life sucks 83

You deserved it 11

By Sam - 12/07/2017 13:54

Today, my mother came to me with a ridiculous request, She needs to get a urine sample from one of our cats and I said no because she wants to trap him in my room, She is now having a hissy fit over it, After specifically telling me that she wasn't going to be mad if I didn't want to do it. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 8

By Anonymous - 12/07/2017 13:23

Today I made it half way to work before realizing I forgot my glasses. I'm a receptionist. I don't have time to go back for them. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 16

By naners - 12/07/2017 02:51 - United States - Milton

Today my husband missed our wedding dance because he was getting high in the parking lot

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 15

By rentisdue - 12/07/2017 07:21

Today, after working 11 hours straight in the grueling texas heat for weeks , I was paid a whopping $17.41 after being promised a significantly higher amount. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78

You deserved it 8

By iamwedgie - 11/07/2017 23:04 - United States - Lagrange

It was my first day of wearing my new white shorts. I realized that I started my period while using the Walmart restroom. I told my boyfriend that we needed to leave ASAP before my shorts stained. He stopped to talk to 3 friends for 20 minutes and admired an old car in the parking lot before leaving

I agree, your life sucks 74

You deserved it 6

By tmc0409 - 12/07/2017 04:40

I was rushing this morning so immediately after my shower I wrapped myself in a towel and walked in the backyard to feed my dog but the towel got caught in the door and it wouldn't budge. I ended up locked outside naked for 4 hours because I was rushing to get to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56

You deserved it 17

By boopingsnoot - 12/07/2017 04:15

Today, I woke up to the sound of my new cat dry-heaving into my ear. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 9

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months asked me to spend the night at his apartment for the first time. I had to poop really bad when I got there, so I used his only bathroom. He went after me, and came out a few seconds later, gagging. Apparently, I clogged his toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 092

You deserved it 7 046

Today, I found that when a hot girl asks you whether you have a girlfriend, saying, "I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one" is not the best way to proceed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 065

You deserved it 76 136

Today, I had a conversation with my doctor about how I am neurologically incapable of feeling happiness like a normal person, and he doesn't know what to do about it. His words, not mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 003

You deserved it 110

Today, my crush grabbed my butt while I was walking up the stairs. In surprise I farted. He won't even look me in the eyes now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 591

You deserved it 7 684

Today, I've been dating a girl for about a year. After about 5 months, her mom kicked her out so I had her move in with me. She’s super sweet and nice, but we aren’t intellectually compatible, and have wildly different interests. My best friend is everything she isn’t. I'm starting to crush on my friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 1 017

Today, I put my travel cup of coffee on the shelf behind me while getting a haircut. When I left, I picked up my coffee and cell phone. A block later, the barber had chased me down to get his cell phone back. Yep, I had two phones in my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 537

You deserved it 293