Today, I went back to work after a horrible bout of respiratory illness. After a few hours of using hot tea, cough drops, and tissues to deal with my lingering cough, I found out that my asshole coworker has filed a formal complaint about me disrupting her concentration. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I woke up with a sore throat and a stuffy nose. As my boss is an asshat who hates allowing sick leave, I thought I could power through it, but halfway through my workday I sneezed so hard that I threw my back out. I had to go home early and now I can't move without pain. FML
Today, my nosey louse of a coworker went to HR and told them I was snorting drugs at my desk. I was using nasal saline, as the dry winter weather wreaks havoc on my sinuses. The fact that they even brought me in pisses me off beyond words. FML
Today, I dragged myself to work, suffering from a bad cold. My boss quietly told me to go home and rest, to avoid spreading it around the office. I thought it odd since he dislikes me so much, but I did as he said. He called later in the day to suspend me for leaving work early. FML
Today, at work, I stepped out for a few minutes to use the bathroom. Shortly after returning, I found out the hard way that one of my coworkers had used my computer to send a profanity-filled email to our boss, calling him an asshole and telling him to go fuck himself. I'm now jobless. FML
Today, I went back to work after a nasty sinus infection. While I was talking to my manager, I sniffled, and a huge ropy string of green snot popped out of my nose. My manager pointed and shrieked, "OH MY GOD! EWWWW!", getting the attention of everyone in the office. FML
Today, at work, I had a coughing fit so bad I actually shat myself. What felt like a gallon of liquid crap poured down my trouser leg onto the floor. I work in a competitive office and this happened in front of 30 spiteful coworkers who love posting pics online. FML
Today, despite having a stomach bug, I went into work, as my boss is overseas and had warned me not to take any sick leave until she returned. After 4 hours and vomiting twice, I left. She found out and sent me an email bitching me out for coming in sick. FML
Today, I had to go to a boring, never-ending "sensitivity training" session, all because my douchebag coworker filed a complaint against me last week after I apologized for being tardy. Apparently I was insulting people with mental disorders. Or as she put it, "differently-abled" people. FML
Today, I was carrying a stack of paperwork at work, when my pen rolled off and onto the floor. As soon as I bent down to pick it up, a nearby co-worker, who's always hated me, accused me of putting on a show and sexually harassing him. He actually followed up by reporting me to HR. FML
Today, I’ve been unemployed for 5 months. My last job was for government in Canada and I was harassed by management, and deemed a threat to the building. Why? Someone complained I cough. I’ve been coughing for years. FML
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Top comments
lilmslady 11
cough on her stuff.... bet she'd shut the **** up then
PrincessCastiel 27
How disruptive OP! Can't you die any quieter? I kid, I would of been a bit pissed with her.
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Comments (98)
lilmslady 11
cough on her stuff.... bet she'd shut the **** up then
elibel 16
If it's too bad just take the day off OP and get some rest.
juicydroppop 6
Then when OPs coworker gets sick file a complaint.
incoherentrmblr 21
Start coughing on her stuff like Elain did. I bet it'll turn out just like the Seinfield episode...
PrincessCastiel 27
How disruptive OP! Can't you die any quieter? I kid, I would of been a bit pissed with her.
josiemorehouse 12
It's 'would have' not 'would of'. At least use proper grammar. You're trying to say would've, which is a contraction of would and have. 'Would of' just doesn't make sense. And I would've been pissed too. OP's coworker sounds like a total bitch.
expectcriticism 13
go be a grammar nazi somewhere else please and thank you
amoredeniro 21
So do you #45.
josiemorehouse 12
Yes, but I'm a grammatically correct bitch, #49!! :)
amoredeniro 21
I'm glad you're well aware.
SarMarJo 17
My aunt has respiratory issues and she had this exact same issue! When she was told about the complaint she said,"Sorry, I'll just go die in the closet." And then a week later the bitchy coworker got sick. It was great. @45 and/or 50, I don't think I would be proud of being that kind of bitch.
xx000o 27
#45 Are you related to the woman that complained on him?
Bano360 25
#45 your a bitch. I would of guessed your a bitch. Their is to many bitches like you ;)
Ihavegas 22
*you're *you're *there
Traitoro 9
I feel like he made those mistakes on purpose to annoy the grammar nazi.
gmc_blossom 21
@50 If there's one thing I find to be more annoying than a sentence using poor grammar, is someone who just has to be "that guy" and correct them. Especially when it's something as minor as the easily made mistake of "would've" versus "would of." Try removing your head out of your ass and practise some common courtesy towards people when they don't have as excellent English abilities as you do. Just grit your teeth and move on if it really bothers you THAT much.
josiemorehouse 12
Well, since I seem to now be the 'lowest of the low' in the FML kingdom, I would like to offer my apologies for pissing off the world with my grammar attack. I do think it's funny and hypocritical that someone can call a person a bitch, stupid, and a million other derogatory names and tell them they deserve to be treated like crap and that is acceptable, but make one correction to someone's grammar and it's the end of the world. Oh well, live and learn.
fakedsincerity 32
Calm down #45. The Anal Grammar police is over there.
hashshim 23
#83 That's a run on sentence at the end. So much for the master grammarian.
Bano360 25
#75 gets it
sohigh10 34
I actually agree with you.. would of is a whole new level of stupidity.. the difference between then and than is understandable, your you're is just lazy, but would of..
Ihavegas 22
infect her
darwinism 30
You have gas, look like The Joker, and want to infect someone? Batman stopped you from doing it once, he can stop you again!
Ihavegas 22
ben affleck is the new batman. who's going to stop me now?!
TheElBurrrito 21
File a complaint stating she isn't loud enough. That'll definitely throw them off.
coried91 28
Hopefully your boss is nice and will just push it aside. Karma will nip your coworker in the ass in due time.
koalabear_55 11
That's horrible! Not only do you have to go to work feeling like utter shit, but u have to deal with a complete bitch. Hopefully your boss understands your situation and if not FYL OP. Feel better soon!
JMichael 25
Tell her to kiss the sickest part of your ass.
coried91 28
I'm just imagining her going up to her coworker and saying "Hey bitch, kiss my asshole!" just because you said sickest part. I imagine that would get her sick quickly. My mind takes me to scary places.
jasminetslater 13
That's just rude. Puke on her chair.
WhatsOpTic 11
File a complaint about her being a ****
HopelesslyCiara5 19
*cough cough* bitch..