Today, I was preparing a customer's meal in my restaurant's kitchen, when I choked on my own saliva and went into a coughing fit. The head chef, who's always hated my guts, accused me of trying to hock a loogie into the meal and fired me on the spot. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Same thing different taste
Today, after 8 months of being belittled and treated like trash at my job as a prep cook in a high-end kitchen, I stood up for myself to the line cooks. Not only did everyone laugh at me, I got fired for causing a scene during service and insubordination. FML
Today, I was eating chicken noodle soup for my lunch. It was perfect until the last bite when it went down the wrong pipe. Choking, I coughed up what I'd already eaten. In front of my coworkers, and all over myself. FML
Long time coming
Today, after weeks of stealing lunch from one of my employees, he made a sandwich with canned cat food, soap, and something unimaginably spicy that caused me to spew all over my office and laptop. I fired him. Now everyone is treating me like a monster. FML
Coming and going
Today, because I was the only manager scheduled, I went into work despite feeling sick to my stomach. While sitting down with a customer, I got the urge to throw up and tried to hold it back. Instead I vomited in my mouth, instinctively swallowed and started choking in front of the customer. FML
Today, I was fired from the restaurant I work at because I missed my shift. I missed it because I was in the hospital for food poisoning from the meal I ate at work last night. FML
Say it, don't spray it
Today, I was helping an old lady at my job. While I was in mid-sentence, she coughed wet phlegm directly into my mouth. It tasted vile and caused me to have a panic attack while working. FML
Heimlich
Today, I attended my first meeting with my bosses. For lunch we went to a restaurant. I choked on a piece of meat and couldn't breathe anymore. I had to take that piece of meat out of my throat with my fingers, and then put it back on my plate all chewed up. FML
Food for thought
Today, in order to not upset my boss's autistic son who believes he is a chef, I had to choke down food that was both burnt and undercooked in the middle, contained way too much salt, and no other seasonings at all. I’m a real chef and I could feel my taste buds dying after eating that slop. FML
Today, I choked on my saliva during a medical interview. FML
Today, my boss forced me to come into work despite having a bad cold. While waiting a table, I violently sneezed and sprayed a child's face with snot. His dad got so pissed that my boss had to pretend to fire me just to calm him down. FML
Top comments
wowthatissad 9
Restaurants are like that, very specific about hygiene. Its a good thing that cleanliness is a priority but that sucks that you got fired over something stupid like that. Sorry.
ManInTheMachine 19
I wouldn't be too butter about it, OP. Instead talk it with the restaurant owner, and hope that they're a food enough person to re-hire you and have a little talk with the head chef.
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Comments (64)
kee_breezy32 34
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I hope your boss knows that assuming makes an ass out of himself. he should've talked you about it.
Ripplez13 9
By the sounds of it, OP's boss wouldn't have taken a talk or explanation into consideration. Also, it begs the question, OP, do you know why your boss had it out for you?
Zebediabolical 43
When you make assumptions you make an ASS out of U and... ummm. UMPTION!
kee_breezy32 34
sorry you got fired tho OP.
wowthatissad 9
Restaurants are like that, very specific about hygiene. Its a good thing that cleanliness is a priority but that sucks that you got fired over something stupid like that. Sorry.
wowthatissad 9
It also doesn't help that the head chef didn't like you. it sucks working in restaurants. I work in prep and kitchen work stinks.
torrea 19
Your wrong, most cooks are nasty filthy people. I've been to 2 restaurants where one place the cool stunk like dirty ass so bad I left. The other was a neighbor and his house inside and out was dirty and smelly. it's wrong and messed up but it's true.
TheDrifter 23
Extra flavor. Is that what's in the special sauce?
Baytheshark 14
Loogie.
Llama_Face89 33
Guess people can't take a joke.
PuggieKid 22
Asshole.
phoneYuNOlisten 16
You are the asshole in this
ManInTheMachine 19
I wouldn't be too butter about it, OP. Instead talk it with the restaurant owner, and hope that they're a food enough person to re-hire you and have a little talk with the head chef.
ManInTheMachine 19
*talk it out. Goddammit.
Baytheshark 14
Too butter? I didn't realize it was possible to be a dairy product, 6.
ManInTheMachine 19
It was supposed to be a pun because OP was working in a kitchen.
Baytheshark 14
I'm sure that wasn't the case, but nice try.
ManInTheMachine 19
Are you serious? You missed the "food enough person" pun too? I mean shit, I know the execution was poor--I would've known that even without the thumbs down--but the butter and food were definitely intentional. Nice try, though.
Baytheshark 14
I'm always serious.
Allornone 35
You must be really fun to have parties, then, 28.
hcollins1 18
Baytheshark, just stop trying. I'm surprised you haven't stop considering you're the only person getting thumbed down. If other people thought his joke was bad, then he would've gotten his comment thumbed down. Just because you don't like the joke doesn't mean you have to say so and keep going on about it. All you have to do is thumb him down on go on with your life. You seem to be the only person that has a problem with his comment.
smc3106 25
You're terrible at puns, even if some idiots think you deserve a thumbs up.
smc3106 25
pun /pən/ Noun~A joke exploiting the different possible meanings of a word or the fact that there are words that sound alike but have different meanings.
abeg157 14
Read ManInTheMachine's Profile Text and then follow it. Thank You Food Sir.
smc3106 25
If YOU'D read his profile, you'd see that he wants his mistakes pointed out to him, get off of his d!©|< and learn to take your own advice.
Chloe555_fml 27
Pot meet kettle.
sonofposeidon22 5
#48: You, sir, are a Class-A asshole.
ManInTheMachine 19
Holy shit people, calm the **** down. I already admitted that it was a shitty comment. I've been around here a while, so it happens occasionally. Admittedly, it's tough to be consistently witty and funny. smc3106-Yes, in my profile I did ask for correction. That is, polite suggestions and pointing out my errors respectfully, not talking down to me and calling my comment shit while simultaneously calling the people that thumbed me up idiots. It appears that there's a rod in your ass that might need removal. If people liked it, as the majority have showed, they will thumb it up. It doesn't make them stupid, it just means they liked it. Thank you.
RedPillSucks 31
Don't sweat it ManInTheMachine. At least you have the balls to try. Sometimes you get it and sometimes you dont. People don't need to be assholes about it. If they don't like the puns simply thumb down. If they think it was lame, there are more polite ways to respond.
smc3106 25
I didn't thumb down your stupid joke, I thumbed you down for your OBVIOUS stupidity. You don't even know what a pun is, yet, you're talking shit to someone about it.
ManInTheMachine 19
You're a ******* idiot, you know that? A pun doesn't have to use exact words or direct homonyms to qualify as a pun. Since you obviously pulled your definition STRAIGHT from Google (and your intelligence from your ass), I pulled up a more apt definition from dictionary.com. The second part of the first definition states: "... or the use of words that are alike or NEARLY ALIKE in sound but different in meaning; a play on words." For your idiotic sake, I also went to a pun website to give an example of what I did: 'Did you remember to buy me the coffee with ice cream inside it?'. 'Oh I'm sorry, affogato!'. Sidney - Sydney, Australia Does "affogato" sound EXACTLY like "I forgot"? No, it doesn't, but because the words, when spoken, are similar in sound, it qualifies as a pun. Would you then agree that "bitter"->"butter", "good"->"food" sound similar? Probably not, as you obviously hate to be wrong and get some form of arousal from being a condescending douche canoe to others. That doesn't, however, change the fact that you are. Now, kindly **** off.
Nyx_fml 23
"Holy shit people, calm the **** down."
katdaiken 16
Man in the machine what part of ontario are you in? I live there as well & to the other assholes I've been reading FML for quite some time and man in the machine is everywhere leave the guy alone he didn't do anything wrong everyone makes mistakes here and there
ManInTheMachine 19
64-South-eastern Ontario, but that's about as specific as I'm getting. :)
happle 21
Maybe you should have turned away and/or left the room. That's pretty nasty. :/
Ripplez13 9
But we don't know what he did; maybe he did turn away/back off, as is required, and the boss was just being a dick. Perhaps not, but it's always best to give the benefit of the doubt.
firefighter925 18
Yea I would of walked away from the food and coughed. I'm not big on cough flavored food.
Baytheshark 14
Do you spit on him after?
ButterflyLadyBug 14
what the hell is wrong with you ? in a situation like this all OP would have to do is talk to the manager or restaurant owner for a chance to save his job . yeah , spitting on someone solves all problems and makes it that much better ! :/ a spitting FML or not , that's gross
klovemachine 24
I hope that restaurant loses business and shuts down. Or the head chef gets a beatdown :)
olpally 32
Wow, what a dick move. File a complaint? That's a stupid reason to fire someone.
tacomonkey 7
It's really not a stupid reason at all. It's highly against health code to cough in someone's food. OP should have left the kitchen entirely.
olpally 32
I understand, but the boss already hated him for no reason.