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Today, my coworker was talking to me about how there's always that one person in a group of friends that everyone secretly dislikes and laughs at. I realized that person is me. FML

#19434317
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22096) - you deserved it (2550)

On 04/09/2012 at 1:07am - misc - by Foreveralone (woman) - United States

Today, while cooking, I managed to burn my finger. I quickly turned the tap on and ran my finger under cold water, but apparently someone had just used the hot tap, because boiling water flooded out onto my nicely scalded finger. FML

#20017932
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22094) - you deserved it (2906)

On 08/13/2012 at 12:43am - misc - by burnt (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I bought my mother an apple pie. She made a face at it and said that she'd decided to go on a diet. After I'd left the house, she put it in the oven, forgot about it, and burnt it to a crisp. She then called me up to inform me that I'd wasted my money, and to get her "another damn pie." FML

#19024888
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22089) - you deserved it (1703)

On 02/08/2012 at 6:27am - misc - by 3.14 (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend's response to my question about where our relationship was going was, "Let me check what my Celtic Runes have to say about it." FML

#18434296
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22088) - you deserved it (3677)

On 12/05/2011 at 3:05am - love - by me - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was working a midnight shift when a guy came in drunk and was trying to get me to come home with him. I said I had a boyfriend. As I said this, my manager, who has no teeth and B.O, said he was my boyfriend. I will never live this down with my co-workers. FML

#14114912
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22080) - you deserved it (3720)

On 12/07/2010 at 12:28am - work - by anonymous-canada -

Today, I was eating at a nice restaurant. Feeling curious, I daringly asked for the surprise "Maiden's Dream" dessert. The waiter came back with a banana between two balls of ice-cream on a plate, and no spoon. FML

#689
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22079) - you deserved it (7522)

On 01/03/2009 at 3:38am - misc - by sm@rtie - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boss asked me if I had any special plans for Christmas. After I told him I was planning a trip to Canada, he snapped, "Well, you can forget it. I need you at the office." FML

#20173791
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22079) - you deserved it (1486)

On 11/22/2012 at 12:35pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML

#20470654
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22079) - you deserved it (43147)

On 01/21/2013 at 1:32am - love - by black and yellow - United States (California)

Today, I was walking in rain. I had my hands in my pants pockets, so that the front of the jacket was pointing down. Halfway to Taco Bell, my crotch felt exceptionally wet. I looked down to see a wet spot. The rain on my jacket was channeled to my crotch. FML

#6462833
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22078) - you deserved it (5508)

On 11/26/2009 at 1:49pm - misc - by jaeilssanguh - United States (Illinois)

Today, while my friend and I signed the guest-book at a wedding, the drunk guy at our table stole my friend's painkillers and car keys before getting into a cab. Didn't need the painkillers, definitely needed the keys. FML

#13259965
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22078) - you deserved it (2599)

On 09/30/2010 at 2:51am - misc - by strandedguest (woman) - United States

Today, while I was sitting on the toilet, my toddler swung the door open. We just bought the house, and we have no curtains. Our new neighbor, who I haven't met, was mowing her yard. I stood half-naked to close the door, and our eyes met. I froze. She waved. FML

#20154142
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22078) - you deserved it (2319)

On 11/07/2012 at 8:41pm - misc - by ohcrap (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend looked me straight in the eye and said, "I know about the sea turtles." I asked her what she was talking about and she said, "Next time, shut up or I'll show you pain." I have no idea what she's talking about. FML

#20170012
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22077) - you deserved it (2068)

On 11/19/2012 at 8:15pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML

#19260934
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22076) - you deserved it (3314)

On 03/11/2012 at 11:04pm - animals - by weep weep weep (man) - United States (Florida)



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