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Today, I was at the sandwich shop I work in. A customer came in and requested an assorted sub. As I finished putting on the sauces, I looked up to see the customer's face set in horror. Apparently I didn't notice that I licked my fingers clean after getting some mayonnaise on them. FML

Today, I started my research project on horror stories and people's fascination with them. I did some research and wound up reading H.P. Lovecraft. On the upside, I can now pee more easily. On the downside, it's likely to be in my pants. FML

#19340135
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15323) - you deserved it (3779)

On 03/24/2012 at 6:05pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, it was my boyfriend's grandfather's funeral and visitation. These things make me nervous, and not thinking, I made comments that included the words "killing", "dying", and "death". I'm a rubbish support system. FML

#19838135
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15320) - you deserved it (6461)

On 06/24/2012 at 7:38am - misc - by Anonymous - Italy

Today, I signed up to a Christian website in order to try and 'find God again'. I got banned. FML

#13982900
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15319) - you deserved it (23130)

On 11/26/2010 at 1:44am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, my boss reeks of mothballs. We share a cubicle. FML

#1339
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15318) - you deserved it (1561)

On 01/16/2009 at 7:19am - work - by misc - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was leaving the train station when a man came up to me and asked me if I have an unlimited metrocard to swipe him in. I did have an unlimited card so I told him sure. While taking out my metrocard from my wallet, he grabbed my wallet and ran away as fast as he could. FML

#6336608
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15317) - you deserved it (23962)

On 11/17/2009 at 12:25am - misc - by HunniBeeHuni (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was doing photography, and decided to climb onto the roof of a building to photograph the city. I dropped a square of chocolate over the edge just to appreciate the height. Apparently somebody saw me, I was arrested and am now being charged for trespassing and firing missiles. FML

#13883371
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15311) - you deserved it (23860)

On 11/17/2010 at 11:46pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Tasmania)

Today, I saw an article that Burger King is selling a whopper with seven patties in celebration of the Windows Seven release. Upon reading this, I immediately got an extremely forceful erection. I think this is a sign to stop putting off that diet. FML

#6001058
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15305) - you deserved it (8957)

On 10/26/2009 at 12:25am - intimacy - by Brian (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got back from vacation and realised I still had the motel key. The key-ring has the address on it, so you can post it back to them. I drove to the postbox and posted the key. I then discovered that the motel key won't start my car. FML

#5425393
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15303) - you deserved it (36999)

On 09/23/2009 at 9:15am - misc - by fmlxxxx (man) - New Zealand (Wellington)

Today, I had to return a shirt to Target. My mom offered to do it for me on her way to work, so I gave her the shirt and receipt. Later, I realized that on the same receipt I had purchased condoms, lube, and whipped cream. FML

#873540
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15300) - you deserved it (74536)

On 04/08/2009 at 4:34pm - misc - by UGH (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was driving into a parking lot with some friends. I carelessly passed a sign when my friend said, "Wait what did that sign say?" I backed up to read it and guess what it said: "Severe Tire Damage. Do Not Back Up." Now all 4 of my tires are slashed. FML

#5006277
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15301) - you deserved it (38201)

On 09/02/2009 at 8:18pm - misc - by ooops (woman) - United States (California)

Today, the fire alarm went off in my dorm and I saw and smelled smoke coming under my door. My second story window wouldn't unlock so I broke it open, threw out as many of my belongings as I could, and jumped. Turns out, the smell and noise were from my roomates cheap vacuum cleaner, not a fire. FML

Today, I had to pee badly. I went into a stall and sat down. Only until after I'd peed, I realized that I didn't have any toilet paper. I waddled to the next stall with my pants down to get more toilet paper, believing that the bathroom was empty. It wasn't. FML

#1975711
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15298) - you deserved it (48843)

On 05/16/2009 at 10:47am - misc - by penguinsfan (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)



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