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Today, I realized the person I had been habitually stealing bag lunches from at work made me a canned dog food sandwich. FML

#4976961
424 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18484) - you deserved it (363136)

On 09/01/2009 at 2:05pm - work - by Hairball (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I had my first real meeting with my girlfriend's parents. We had dinner at a pretty upscale restaurant and everything was going great. When the check came, I offered to pay and I stood up to take out my wallet. When I opened it, 3 condoms fell out on the table in front of them. FML

#1639101
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18482) - you deserved it (58732)

On 05/04/2009 at 7:27pm - misc - by Brian (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my dad put an onion in my room, telling me spirits won't haunt me and that I won't get sick. He thinks a vegetable will protect me. FML

#20163512
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18480) - you deserved it (2382)

On 11/14/2012 at 7:48pm - health - by duhasiangirl - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got my colonoscopy results back. I had hoped they'd show what's been causing my stomach pains for the last few weeks, but instead it turns out that my colon is healthy and normal. I basically got cornholed for no goddamn reason. FML

#19583210
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18478) - you deserved it (3734)

On 05/06/2012 at 5:57pm - health - by billiams15 (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, it was my wedding day. The best part was when we were taking photos and I threw up on my dress. At least the pictures were outside. FML

#19615153
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18479) - you deserved it (2498)

On 05/13/2012 at 2:28am - health - by whatevershit - United States (Alabama)

Today, I faced a dilemma. If I don't let the cat sleep in my bedroom, she spends all night howling at the door, waking up my 2-year-old in the process. If I do let her in, the dog gets distressed and chews the contents of the bin. If I let both of them in, I have no room to sleep. FML

Today, I had to call in sick to work because I was experiencing bowel distress. I called my manager's phone directly so no one else would know of my embarrassment. She put me on speakerphone, and I only realized when the juvenile laughter started. FML

#20109013
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18473) - you deserved it (1729)

On 10/09/2012 at 12:07pm - work - by yolo is for shitheads - United States

Today, I took a picture of myself wearing a whipped cream bra with cherry nipples, captioned, "I hope you enjoyed your dinner, now how about some dessert???" I meant to send it to my fiancé. I sent it by mistake to my dad. FML

#20176010
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18473) - you deserved it (44337)

On 11/24/2012 at 12:38am - intimacy - by Whipped Cream - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I found out that the extremely attractive man that works in my building can hear everything I say about him through the paper-thin walls. FML

#19635956
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18471) - you deserved it (7829)

On 05/17/2012 at 6:33am - misc - by kazmatazz (woman) - Oman

Today, I woke from last night after meeting the most amazing man, and after giving him a good morning kiss, roll out of bed to use his bathroom. After using his toothbrush, I go to replace it in his holder only to find not one, but several prescriptions for herpes in his unzipped toiletry bag. FML

#5784
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18468) - you deserved it (39078)

On 02/02/2009 at 8:42pm - love - by screwed. - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, I'm supposed to start my new job as a Crime Scene Tech. Instead, I managed to electrocute myself with my hairdryer. I'll now have to attempt to explain to them that I really am qualified to safely operate an electrostatic lifting device, and other expensive equipment. FML

#18842553
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18468) - you deserved it (5961)

On 01/18/2012 at 6:15am - work - by Lyn (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I came home from school and found my mother singing along to her latest investment, a compilation CD filled with heavy metal covers of ABBA classics. FML

Today, I was playing with my four year old cousin. He had a toy whale and said, "Shark!" I corrected him and told him it was a whale. He picked it up, threw it at my face, and yelled, "SHAAARK!" FML

#20176364
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18466) - you deserved it (6881)

On 11/24/2012 at 8:59am - kids - by Anonymous - United States



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