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Today, my mom made me go to church choir rehearsal with her so I could sing "the gay" out of me. FML

by PheobeBuffay / 12/11/2015 at 1:14pm / Norway (Vestfold) / Love

Today, I got into a car accident. While getting my things out of the car to bring into the tow truck, I noticed the handcuffs from my Halloween costume were still in the trunk. The tow truck driver noticed before I did, because he smiled, winked, and asked if I needed any more help. FML

by jo1429 / 10/31/2010 at 5:27pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I was able to land a nice apartment solely based on the fact that my puppy is potty trained. During the required pet interview, my dog 'got sick' and defecated all over the apartment office. I now have to clean the mess knowing that I will not be allowed to live there. FML

by Anonymous / 12/25/2010 at 9:29pm / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, someone spray painted a black skull on the side of my house. We painted over it and installed lights to hopefully persuade intruders not to vandalize the property because it would be a bright area. The lights were stolen. FML

by andromeda80 / 03/28/2012 at 9:52am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I discovered that my acne glows yellow and orange under black lights while in front of a wall of them at a club. FML

by Anonymous / 05/16/2012 at 12:43am / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, we had our first rainstorm in weeks. Thirty seconds before it started, my window broke in the "down" position from overuse, since last week the air conditioning in my car gave out. Now I have a hot, wet car. FML

by Anonymous / 08/10/2010 at 12:27pm / United States (Georgia) / Transportation

Today, I walked into my house with my friend, only to discover my husband half-naked and yelling at the TV screen over a soccer game. By half-naked, I mean he was only wearing a shirt. FML

by Anonymous / 11/19/2012 at 2:44pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, we found out where our daughter had been hiding her crayons. We also found out why our stereo stopped working. FML

by Peter / 12/26/2011 at 9:24pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, I woke up to the sound of someone having sex in the room next to me. I don't have a roommate. Turns out my mom thought I was out of town and used her extra key to bring a guy over for sex. FML

by yourstruly / 02/11/2010 at 2:40pm / United States (Georgia) / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend of 6 months told me he was not going to celebrate Valentine's day because it was a "capitalistic consumerism holiday". He works in a bank and helps "capitalism consumerism" 364 days a year. FML

by Brokenheartz / 02/09/2010 at 4:49am / United Kingdom (Essex) / Miscellaneous

Today, after spending two weeks renovating my room and $1000 on paint and a new floor, my landlord told me that he's sold the house. Also, he was kind enough to inform me that unless I paint the walls back to white, I won't be getting my $500 deposit back. FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2010 at 7:06am / Netherlands (Gelderland) / Money

Today, I was chosen to MC a function at work. I developed a terrible case of hiccups which made the audience giggle and groan for the duration of my time on stage. FML

by Anonymous / 03/24/2011 at 3:29am / Australia / Work

Today, I realized that my ex-girlfriend has gone further with a girl than I have. FML

by Patrick / 01/27/2010 at 6:55am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy