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Today, I found out my parents' New Year's resolution is to get me to move out. FML

#14419027
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19736) - you deserved it (8605)

On 01/01/2011 at 1:59am - misc - by Moving On - United States (Michigan)

Today, my dad used the stove to boil water. Unfortunately, he turned the wrong burner on, setting the smoke alarm off. What's worse was the smell of burning plastic that came from the coffeemaker being melted down. It's been over an hour, and my eyes still burn like hell when I walk into the kitchen. FML

#17980981
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19729) - you deserved it (2190)

On 10/14/2011 at 6:36am - misc - by cnkk07 - United States

Today, I had two of my wisdom teeth removed. One side of my face is completely swollen, and the other is normal. I feel like the elephant man. FML

#18528725
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19727) - you deserved it (3860)

On 12/16/2011 at 4:13pm - misc - by HR (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I started my new job as the only IT tech for my office. My first task: untangling the hundred mice the previous tech tied together for "fun". FML

#20150513
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19728) - you deserved it (1399)

On 11/06/2012 at 1:29pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my pet mouse demonstrated that he has bigger balls than my boyfriend, by running across the dinner table and eating off his plate, all while he jumped out of his chair, screaming like a girl. FML

#19592070
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19727) - you deserved it (3965)

On 05/08/2012 at 12:41pm - animals - by gl0b3suck0r (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I confided to my dad that since the recent breakup with my boyfriend of 3 months, I feel down all the time and life doesn't feel worth living anymore. His loving advice was for me to "grow the fuck up and get your sentimental head out of la-la land." FML

#16092460
526 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19725) - you deserved it (66444)

On 05/08/2011 at 3:21pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I signed into my online class, got bored, and took off my headphones to argue with my roommates about anal sex. At the end of the argument, I put my headphones back on to hear my professor asking if someone could call me to tell me to turn my damn mic off. FML

Today, while in the break room at work, I laughed at a co-worker's joke and started choking on my drink. My boss exclaimed in front of everyone, "We need to teach this girl how to swallow!" to everyone's childish amusement. Now they won't stop calling me Spit. FML

#19608060
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19721) - you deserved it (2639)

On 05/11/2012 at 5:23pm - work - by mel (woman) - United Kingdom (Bournemouth)

Today, I had a date with a guy from the Internet. I'm 6ft1, which tends to put potential dates off, so I'd slyly knocked a few inches off my description. Turns out he'd done the same. He'd added a whole foot to his height. I had to crouch to talk to him. FML

#20071299
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19719) - you deserved it (12469)

On 09/14/2012 at 4:26am - love - by TallGal (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was masturbating in my room when my dog started to bark obnoxiously. He does this all the time so I ignored it and kept going. This went on for about a half hour. When I went downstairs, I found an open door and an empty TV stand. FML

#691341
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19718) - you deserved it (88436)

On 03/29/2009 at 10:08pm - animals - by trainE - United States (Michigan)

Today, I moved out of my apartment by the highway and airport, and into a new place below people who blast loud music, stomp their feet, and slam doors throughout the night. I haven't had a decent night's sleep in over a year. FML

Today, I found out that the extremely attractive man that works in my building can hear everything I say about him through the paper-thin walls. FML

#19635956
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19717) - you deserved it (8134)

On 05/17/2012 at 6:33am - misc - by kazmatazz (woman) - Oman

Today, my company announced a new name. They also announced new coffee mugs with the name on them. They've not announced raises in over 3 years. FML

#19324778
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19715) - you deserved it (1994)

On 03/22/2012 at 2:17am - work - by glens - United States



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