Today, I bought a fish. I put the tank on top of the fridge so my cat wouldn't get at it. I'd forgotten to buy some things for its tank, so I quickly ran out to get them. When I got home, I saw the tank destroyed on the floor, and my cat devouring my fish. I had the fish for less than an hour. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12293) - you deserved it (18102)
On 02/07/2013 at 10:58pm - animals - by fish killer - Canada
Today, my wife mentioned that she wanted to give me a three-way. I was ecstatic, until she opened her right hand, only to reveal a 3-way lightbulb. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11827) - you deserved it (32318)
On 02/18/2013 at 12:23pm - intimacy - by phatdaddy62 (man) - United States
Today, I went in to get my first tattoo. I'd put a lot of thought into it and was really excited when the day came. Long story short, the Celtic knot I'd gotten turned out to have an alternate meaning of "female sex slave." The faces my very Irish family made were beyond words. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11558) - you deserved it (30286)
On 02/18/2013 at 3:50am - intimacy - by UnluckyInk (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I realized that the homeless people I give change to all dress better than I do, including the one that doesn't believe in pants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11148) - you deserved it (19009)
On 02/26/2013 at 10:54am - misc - by keerow (man) - United States
Today, l took my new boyfriend to the place where my ex and I used to hook up, only to find out that my ex and his new girl had the same idea. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10971) - you deserved it (38184)
On 02/22/2013 at 1:12am - intimacy - by wrongplacewrongtime - United States (Texas)
Today, I had my new boyfriend come over. Within five minutes of him arriving, I accidentally let one rip. Shocked, I quickly tried to explain it away with, "That was my shoe." I was barefoot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9871) - you deserved it (21367)
On 02/12/2013 at 9:18am - love - by gassy - United States
Today, I lit my beard on fire while trying to light a cigarette driving to work. I got fired from work when I got there because of my appearance. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9852) - you deserved it (28560)
On 02/14/2013 at 8:55pm - money - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)
Today, I had to unpick a wedgie in the street. I backed against a wall, lifted my skirt and sorted it. I then turned around and caught eye contact with several men in the barbers behind me. Not such a solid wall after all. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9652) - you deserved it (24682)
On 02/07/2013 at 7:31am - misc - by chattyloz (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, I won $50 on the lottery. On the subway home, I checked my pocket to see if the money was still there. A very professional man in a suit yelled, "Hey, that's mine!" I got several dirty glares. I'm such a pathetic wimp that I gave him the money. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9607) - you deserved it (36294)
On 02/07/2013 at 7:28pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was in bed when I rolled over and saw a hand right beside my head. I freaked out and nearly peed myself, just to realize that it was the huggable heart pillow my boyfriend had given to me on Valentine's Day. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9550) - you deserved it (14284)
On 02/27/2013 at 2:59am - misc - by girlymae (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, I took my driver's test. I did everything flawlessly, but my examiner kept all but pissing his pants throughout. He yelled, "ARE YOU TRYING TO GET US KILLED?!" when I drove past a traffic light just as it was about to turn red. The road was almost empty. He failed me on the spot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9543) - you deserved it (35560)
On 02/22/2013 at 8:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia
Today, while riding the train home, I noticed a man who kept looking at me. Annoyed, I told him to be less obvious and to stop staring. He promptly responded, "Bitch, I'm gay, and even I can tell no one would want to look at you." FML
I agree, your life sucks (9536) - you deserved it (37884)
On 02/14/2013 at 2:39am - misc - by assoutofuandme (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I walked into my near pitch-black bathroom and saw a person staring back at me. I woke my whole family up with my screams. The person was my reflection. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9247) - you deserved it (21603)
On 02/22/2013 at 12:35am - misc - by shelbylove115 (woman) - United States (California)
Monday 17 June 2013
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