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January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend of 2 years, whose reaction was to pretend to take a phone call. FML

#20453131
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34258) - you deserved it (3289)

On 01/11/2013 at 1:46am - love - by proposal fail - United States

Today, I found out that my dad, thinking it was an advertisement, threw away a letter from the college I applied to. FML

#20454916
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34241) - you deserved it (2318)

On 01/12/2013 at 4:52am - misc - by gdog10122 - United States

Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML

#20448629
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34221) - you deserved it (2765)

On 01/08/2013 at 8:01pm - kids - by ugh (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, as per usual, my mother went to see her psychic, who told her that one of her children is harbouring a "dark secret". Now we're all grounded until one of us confesses our obviously non-existent secret. FML

#20457387
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34215) - you deserved it (2263)

On 01/13/2013 at 4:02pm - misc - by daughter of a gullible cunt (woman) - Australia

Today, I found my dogs freezing outside. My neighbor was supposed to watch them while I was away, and on my way home I called to let her know she should let them have a quick walk. She thought I'd be home soon enough that she wouldn't have to let them back in. It was minus 10c out. FML

#20436199
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34050) - you deserved it (3758)

On 01/01/2013 at 12:35pm - animals - by Enyo - Reserved

Today, a girl I follow on Twitter tweeted, "Why can't I have a cute math tutor?" I'm her math tutor. FML

#20459715
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34035) - you deserved it (3645)

On 01/14/2013 at 9:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend complimented me on my ass. Before I could say thanks, she continued by commenting that she wouldn't mind "breaking it in". FML

#20478275
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34033) - you deserved it (5801)

On 01/25/2013 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by great (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, I saw a woman breast feeding her child at the local park. That would have been just fine if the child wasn't at least 8 years old. FML

#20474414
298 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33999) - you deserved it (3491)

On 01/23/2013 at 3:33am - misc - by TheLastSerenade (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I got married. I'm Jewish, and it's traditional to break a glass cup by stepping on it after giving the bride her ring. My brother thought it would be funny to replace the glass cup with a rubber one. I slipped and fell flat on my back. FML

#20478247
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33847) - you deserved it (3735)

On 01/25/2013 at 3:13pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my partner was inspired by 50 Shades Of Grey to try making me orgasm with a full bladder, therefore intensifying the experience. He was right, it was mind blowing. It also made me piss the bed for the first time in twenty-odd years. FML

#20445950
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33806) - you deserved it (6895)

On 01/07/2013 at 8:01am - intimacy - by wetsheets (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, I was trying to sleep away a fever, when my grandma woke me up. She was sitting next to me, shoving gummy bears into my mouth until I started choking. She laughed, ran away, and denied everything. FML

#20486320
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33677) - you deserved it (2797)

On 01/30/2013 at 2:59pm - health - by cay - United States (New York)

Today, my mother came back from her trip to Vegas. Her breasts were obviously 2 letter sizes larger. I asked if she got a boob job and she denied it, saying that it's against her religion. She's an atheist, and a liar. FML

#20460160
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33633) - you deserved it (3068)

On 01/15/2013 at 12:45am - misc - by Brooke - United States (California)

Today, I saw a lady who had fainted. I ran over to help, only to find out that she was unstable and had a knife in her hand. She was pointing it at me, and growled threateningly every time I tried to move away. It took the cops an hour to defuse the situation. FML

#20484368
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33552) - you deserved it (2399)

On 01/29/2013 at 4:48am - misc - by thegirlofthedad (woman) - India (Maharashtra)



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