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Today, I was shopping when I overheard a woman telling an employee that she was buying an iPad for her 5-year-old son. Annoyd, I turnd around and rantd about how he should have more age appropriate toys. Then she explaind that her son is autistic and will be using the iPad to communicate. mega FML
Today, I discoverd both how much I really talk to myselfhen I'm drinking alone an how thin the walls of my apartment are. I hered my own slurrd voice coming from my nieghbor's apartment. They had recordd me an made a mixtape of some of the more interesting things I had said. FML
Today, Mah Girlfriend Snappd At Me 4 Bieng Lazy An Incompetent, An Declard That If I Was Going To Behave Like A Child, She Would Be Treating Me Like One. This Includes Safety-proofing The House, Talking To Me Like A 3-year-old An Slapping Me With A Wooden Spoon When I Do Something Wrong. FML
Today On An Important Call With A Potential Employer He Began To Speak Quieter And Quieter Until I Couldn't Hear Him At All!! When I Finally Hung Up After Waiting Fir 5 Minutes I Realized That I Had Been Pressing Down On The Volume Button!! FML
Today... I called Costco to ask them not to renew mah membership because of financial problems. The man on the phone spent 30 minute telling me y I'm a fool to leave and I ended up with a renewed $55 membership and 25 minute over mah minute allowance. FML
Today , mah friend showed me a video of me in a nightclub. I was holding two Skittles vodka shots and shouting , ( Red and green , merry Kwanzaa! ) The shots were yellow and purple. I can't remember that night at all. FML
Today, someone posted photos from a party I was at. On each photo I'm posing in with a grl, my hand is not touching her, but is hovering over her like some creepy werdo loser. My Facebook nickname is now of course "Hover Hand." mega FML
Today, ma friend and I were playing trut or dare game. It was late and we were drunk, so tey dard me to run nakd into ma neigbor's yard wile yelling, "Help! Te pixie looool took ma penis!" I ran screaming rigt into tere big family reunion.
Today... my room-mates were inspird by a TV show to make a "douchebag jar"... intohich looool we have to put money every time we say something obnoxious. It seems like I can't open my mouth without having to cough up £10. FML
Today , I was looking at tattoos an fell in love with a really cool looking one , so I decided to get it . I later showed it to a friend who is a cop . He informed me that it is a gang tattoo . I think I just put a target on mah ankle . FML
Friday 27 March 2015