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October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, a man with a clipboard came up to me in the street to ask me if I was happy with my life insurance. I couldn't bring myself to admit to him that I'm so clueless about my own life that I wasn't sure I was even happy with the Twix I was eating at the time. FML

#20095768
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15991) - you deserved it (3089)

On 09/30/2012 at 8:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I noticed that my penis looks tiny in my girlfriend's hands. Without thinking, I pointed it out to her. Now she thinks I have a small cock, and I think she has man-hands. Either way, we're both turned off. FML

#20108741
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14738) - you deserved it (34295)

On 10/09/2012 at 4:38am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was invited to my boyfriend's house for dinner for the first time. His mom made a fantastic dinner, so I showed my appreciation by eating the lot. Apparently I was overdoing it because when I looked up everyone was staring. His dad muttered, "Slow the hell down." FML

#20102773
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14023) - you deserved it (26719)

On 10/05/2012 at 10:56am - misc - by OhMeGerd (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, while making love to my wife, I felt adventurous and told her to hit me. She didn't so much as hesitate before savagely slapping me with her ring hand. Now I'm back home from the hospital, with stitches closing up a huge gash on my cheek. FML

#20124147
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14024) - you deserved it (29656)

On 10/19/2012 at 4:54pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Czech Republic (Jihomoravsky kraj)

Today, I discovered that my 12-year-old son has secretly been printing out and selling copies of the suggestive photos from my camera that I'd taken for my husband. He's been selling them to kids at school for a dollar each. FML

#20103277
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13903) - you deserved it (31271)

On 10/05/2012 at 7:02pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I went on a bad first date and the guy was more into it than me. I tried to scare him away by only speaking in robot voice, with robot arms. He thought it was adorable, and told me I reminded him of his mother. FML

#20098216
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13853) - you deserved it (26339)

On 10/02/2012 at 10:42am - love - by Queso Dog (woman) - Japan

Today, it's the five year anniversary of the day I broke up with my girlfriend to see other people. I've not had sex a single time since. FML

#20134961
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13626) - you deserved it (59986)

On 10/27/2012 at 12:04am - intimacy - by Cslouth - United States (New York)

Today, I jokingly asked my girlfriend what she got me for my half birthday, to which she replied "A baby." She was serious. FML

Today, my wife confused terminology from my religion with stuff from Harry Potter. FML

#20127336
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12480) - you deserved it (19093)

On 10/21/2012 at 9:21pm - misc - by nickw177 (man) - United States

Today, after being totally in love with a guy since middle school, I finally had enough self confidence to go and talk to him. Turns out he's boring as fuck. I obsessed over this guy for nearly 4 years. FML

#20123261
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11714) - you deserved it (34675)

On 10/18/2012 at 10:49pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, my boyfriend and I made love for the first time. Before we left his house so he could walk me home, I fixed my hair by the hall mirror and joked about having serious sex hair. My boyfriend quickly reminded me that his incredibly religious mother was in the next room. FML

#20107434
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11710) - you deserved it (34561)

On 10/08/2012 at 1:26pm - intimacy - by blabbermouth (woman) - South Africa (Eastern Cape)

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, she asked me to whisper her name. Apparently, her name is not Kate. FML

#20140315
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11709) - you deserved it (74799)

On 10/30/2012 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by you (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I wore a dress that I bought last weekend to work, thinking how I liked it and it fitted me perfectly, until someone at work told me that I was actually wearing a nightie. FML

#20103918
104 comments


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