Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my teacher's comments on my essay read, "I know it's college, but you use a lot of unnecessary words with a lot of syllables." He basically scolded me for having a complex vocabulary. I go to an accredited state university. Nothing says "America" like under-achieving professors. FML

#20100352
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26332) - you deserved it (7922)

On 10/03/2012 at 7:00pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while mowing the lawn, I was attacked by an underground hornet nest. I now have many stings, two scared dogs, and a mower still running outside. The hornets are swarming it and some are sitting on the lever, as if to turn it off. It's like they know. FML

#20121138
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26306) - you deserved it (1764)

On 10/17/2012 at 4:08pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, my boyfriend told me he wants to break up. But not until after our anniversary tomorrow, because he's already gotten dinner reservations for us. FML

#20127937
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26256) - you deserved it (1824)

On 10/22/2012 at 5:01am - love - by reserved - United States (California)

Today, I slipped on a crayon a little girl threw on the floor, causing me to drop the tray of water I was carrying, making me spill it all over her. After getting cussed out by her mom, I was fired for making a customer unhappy. FML

#20115984
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26221) - you deserved it (1770)

On 10/14/2012 at 1:29am - work - by bbbbb - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I walked into the kitchen at 5 am, to have my 7 and 9 year olds throw a bucket of water on me. To their surprise and horror, I didn't melt. FML

#20116347
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26220) - you deserved it (3433)

On 10/14/2012 at 10:57am - kids - by Nickki - United States

Today, as I was about to leave for work, my 16-year-old son stumbled home in nothing but his underwear and pink cowboy boots. He threw his hands in the air, yelled, "BOTTLE SIP BOTTLE GUZZLE," promptly threw up and passed out in it. FML

#20111636
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26127) - you deserved it (4429)

On 10/11/2012 at 2:59am - kids - by Failed Parent - United States

Today, I went on a field trip with some people from school. I'm currently confined to a wheelchair, so I had to rely on my sister to get around. She eventually went off with her friends, assuming that the people nearby would keep me company. Five minutes later, they'd all left me. FML

#20135712
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26020) - you deserved it (1931)

On 10/27/2012 at 4:04pm - misc - by left4dead (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had to eat my breakfast in terrified silence, as my hungover mother staggered into the room, shouted at the kettle for not boiling fast enough, and after a few seconds, screamed that I'd sabotaged it. I'm now grounded for supposedly trying to fuck with her head. FML

#20113953
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26017) - you deserved it (1550)

On 10/12/2012 at 7:00pm - misc - by WTF (woman) - New Zealand (Waikato)

Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML

#20108214
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26012) - you deserved it (5124)

On 10/08/2012 at 9:55pm - love - by hnickell93 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my brother saw my side when my shirt came up, and asked when I got a tattoo; the pink he saw was in fact my stretch marks. Worst of all, I had to show them to everyone to prove I didn't actually get a tattoo. FML

#20096505
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25982) - you deserved it (2885)

On 10/01/2012 at 7:35am - health - by screw life (woman) - United States

Today, at work my boss called me into his office because he had received multiple complaints from coworkers about a prank sound machine I have been using to make inappropriate fart sounds at my desk. I wish it was a fart machine; I have a condition. FML

#20122062
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25970) - you deserved it (2321)

On 10/18/2012 at 2:33am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to a big family dinner. I didn't realize I hadn't been invited until we were about to sit down to eat. There were 12 chairs, 12 plates, 12 forks, and 12 glasses. I was the 13th person to arrive. FML

#20141489
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25967) - you deserved it (2497)

On 10/31/2012 at 10:37am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, a classmate came up to me, quickly shoved a dollar bill down my shirt, threw her arms around me and told me to pretend I was her boyfriend to avoid some other guy. Sad thing is, this is the first girl I've hugged in ages. FML

#20100917
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25879) - you deserved it (2331)

On 10/04/2012 at 1:09am - love - by nonfreehugs (man) - United States (Washington)



FML's blog

  • Eni's illustrated FML
  • Greetings worshipers of lines and colours! This week, with the help of a talented young illustrator we’re checking kids out. No, not like that. Damn, that sounded bad. We’re taking a different look a…

Friday 12 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: