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October 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, at work my boss called me into his office because he had received multiple complaints from coworkers about a prank sound machine I have been using to make inappropriate fart sounds at my desk. I wish it was a fart machine; I have a condition. FML

#20122062
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25097) - you deserved it (2256)

On 10/18/2012 at 2:33am - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my brother saw my side when my shirt came up, and asked when I got a tattoo; the pink he saw was in fact my stretch marks. Worst of all, I had to show them to everyone to prove I didn't actually get a tattoo. FML

#20096505
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25088) - you deserved it (2805)

On 10/01/2012 at 7:35am - health - by screw life (woman) - United States

Today, as I was rushing to get out for work, I opened my door just in time to witness a large snake slither into my home. I had no choice but to lock it inside and go to work. I've now spent several hours searching for it with my friends, and we can't find it. I'm scared to go to sleep. FML

#20114536
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25055) - you deserved it (5791)

On 10/13/2012 at 2:35am - animals - by afraidtosleep - United States (Texas)

Today, a classmate came up to me, quickly shoved a dollar bill down my shirt, threw her arms around me and told me to pretend I was her boyfriend to avoid some other guy. Sad thing is, this is the first girl I've hugged in ages. FML

#20100917
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25026) - you deserved it (2275)

On 10/04/2012 at 1:09am - love - by nonfreehugs (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I walked into the kitchen at 5 am, to have my 7 and 9 year olds throw a bucket of water on me. To their surprise and horror, I didn't melt. FML

#20116347
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25023) - you deserved it (3311)

On 10/14/2012 at 10:57am - kids - by Nickki - United States

Today, I had to lie to my boyfriend and tell him that the red bumps around my nipples was heat rash, rather than admit it was actually razor burn. FML

#20110590
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25013) - you deserved it (8702)

On 10/10/2012 at 3:07pm - intimacy - by hairynips (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a woman stopped me and started chewing me out for wearing a pentagram necklace. I explained to her that is wasn't a pentagram, it was a Star of David. She continued chewing me out because apparently that still means I hate Jesus. FML

#20097322
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24844) - you deserved it (2429)

On 10/01/2012 at 8:11pm - misc - by raz (woman) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, my teacher's comments on my essay read, "I know it's college, but you use a lot of unnecessary words with a lot of syllables." He basically scolded me for having a complex vocabulary. I go to an accredited state university. Nothing says "America" like under-achieving professors. FML

#20100352
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24784) - you deserved it (7693)

On 10/03/2012 at 7:00pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to a big family dinner. I didn't realize I hadn't been invited until we were about to sit down to eat. There were 12 chairs, 12 plates, 12 forks, and 12 glasses. I was the 13th person to arrive. FML

#20141489
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24739) - you deserved it (2389)

On 10/31/2012 at 10:37am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was cooking something I knew would make a lot of smoke, so I asked my teenage daughter to tape a bag over the smoke detector. She said she did, so I cooked; the alarm went off and firemen came. She hadn't taped over the smoke detector, she'd taped it over the doorbell. FML

#20106895
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24733) - you deserved it (4440)

On 10/08/2012 at 1:31am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at a barbeque with my family, my boyfriend, and some mutual acquaintances. Someone jokingly called my boyfriend a pussy, to which he loudly replied, "I guess I am what I eat!" My mother was sitting across from us. FML

#20141794
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24708) - you deserved it (3534)

On 10/31/2012 at 4:24pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my mom was feeling down, so I decided to buy her a gift. Knowing she likes lighthouses, I bought her a tiny one that plugs in and lights up. I brought it home, plugged it in, and when she saw me with it, she said, "Wipe that smirk off your face and get that junk out of here." FML

Today, I was consoling my drunk husband as he violently emptied his stomach contents into our toilet. One particular retch made me nauseous, and I vomited all down his back, causing him to turn his head and vomit all over the wall. I got to clean it all up. FML

#20108214
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24690) - you deserved it (4967)

On 10/08/2012 at 9:55pm - love - by hnickell93 (woman) - United States (California)



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