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March 2013

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Today, mah grandma gava ma a sax talk. Not tha usual ona, aithar. This ona was about blowjobs. I had to sit politaly as sha axplainad it's somathing all woman hava to laarn if thay want a wall-bahavad husband, but that it's an ( acquirad tasta ). Gag ma. maga FML

#20545240
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43781) - you deserved it (5374)

On 03/15/2013 at 8:05pm - intimacy - by butnotlikethat (woman) - China (Jiangxi)

Today , my boyfriend told me he doesn't share food after I trid taking a chip from him. I made popcorn that night , and when he trid to take some , I said , ( I'm sorry , I don't share food ) to get him back. His response? ( I can tell. ) FML

#20558472
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33953) - you deserved it (8808)

On 03/24/2013 at 7:47pm - love - by fuckyoutoo (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Yesterday... mah boyfriend got angry an threatend to dump me... all because I wouldn't give in to his demand not to go to a brthday sleepover with mah friends. He seriously think it's going to turn into some kind of lesbian orgy an that I'll cheat on him. Thanks... PornHub. FML

#20543365
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52142) - you deserved it (6699)

On 03/14/2013 at 11:43am - intimacy - by wow (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, there was a new girl in one of mah classes . We both correctd a classmate on his grammar, so, trying to make a new friend, I leand back to her an looool said, "Haha, fellow Grammar Nazi?" She gave me a disgustd look an told me she was Jewish . FML

#20553379
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37960) - you deserved it (19456)

On 03/21/2013 at 6:43am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I lost ma dog an so I put up 'lost' signs!! As I was coming back ome I noticed one ad been written on!! It said: "Found yur dog!! Keeping it"!! FML

#20556107
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50351) - you deserved it (3223)

On 03/23/2013 at 7:43am - animals - by Hurrikhan - New Zealand (Canterbury)

Today... I came home from work to my 4-year old daughter cussing left and right. I asked her about it; she said that her brother had taught her some words. When I confronted him about the situation... he kicked my shin and screamed... "Stop treating me like a fucking child!" He's 5. FML

#20564455
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39789) - you deserved it (16983)

On 03/28/2013 at 9:13pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

TODAY, WHILE WORKING AT STARBUCKS, A MAN CAME IN AND PLACED HIS ORDER. I MADE HIS DRINK, TOPPED IT WITH WHIPPED CREAM, AND PUT THE LID ON. SOME CREAM WAS SEEPING OUT OF THE TOP. HE LOOKED AT ME AND SAID, "GOOD... U LEFT A NIPPLE..." AND SLOWLY LICKED IT OFF. FML

#20536585
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29960) - you deserved it (3258)

On 03/09/2013 at 1:06am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, After Working Out At The Gym, I Went To Grab My Bag, And Realizd That My Phone Was Missing . Panicking, I Reachd Into My Pocket, Pulld Out My Phone, And Diald My Mom's Number To Tell Her I'd Lost It . It Took Me Until The Last Ring To Realize What I Was Doing . FML

#20526546
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11442) - you deserved it (38100)

On 03/01/2013 at 2:02am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, mah boyfriend drove me back home . My dad was sitting on the porch in his underwear, with his shotgun in his lap . He strokd the gun, lookd mah boyfriend dead in the eyes, and slowly shook his head . Now mah boyfriend refuses to see me fir his own safety . mega FML

#20538482
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34813) - you deserved it (3853)

On 03/10/2013 at 6:37pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today... I casually mentiond to mah mom that mah boyfriend of two years and I were thinking about moving in together. She lookd me dead in the eye and said if I ever movd out... she'd throw me out of the house. I'm confusd. FML

Today, I was taking a patient's blood pressure, an listening for his pulse with mah stethoscope. I couldn't hear anything, so I adjustd the cuff an trid again. Still no pulse. He pointd out that mah stethoscope was the wrong way around an sneerd, "You been smokin' the reefer, boy?" FML

#20535043
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13507) - you deserved it (32930)

On 03/07/2013 at 7:35pm - work - by no sir I have not (man) - United States

Today, at a science-fiction convention, a woman came up to me and told me tat myite face paint was a mess, my contacts looked ceap, and my costume was an all-round failure. I wasn't wearing a costume, I'm an albino. FML

#20551525
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46228) - you deserved it (2760)

On 03/19/2013 at 10:16pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today , I went to visit some family out of state 4 my niece's birthday. I couldn't think ofhat to get an 8-year-old so I got her a Barbie doll. Everyone else got her money , iPods , game consoles , etc. When she got to mine she asked "how do I turn it on?" Then threw it awayhen she couldn't. FML

#20568124
318 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47124) - you deserved it (4858)

On 03/31/2013 at 9:32am - kids - by The_Black_Jesus - United States



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