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January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I asked mah mom what her biggest craving was when she was pregnant with me. Her answer: an abortion. FML

#20449894
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50439) - you deserved it (4845)

On 01/09/2013 at 11:07am - misc - by kk - United States

Today, my wife and I had a fight,hich I thought we resolved!! Later,hile painting the kitchen, I told her to change into an old shirt she didn't care about!! She made a huge show of putting her wedding gown on, veil and all!! FML

#20436663
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41996) - you deserved it (5924)

On 01/01/2013 at 4:33pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today... I came home to find mah girlfriend crying. Concerned... I quickly asked herhat was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understandhy her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet... and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now... but 4 entirely different reasons. FML

#20462136
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36720) - you deserved it (3841)

On 01/16/2013 at 2:52am - misc - by WTF (man) -

today I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. looool And replying. FML

#20436012
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52634) - you deserved it (3980)

On 01/01/2013 at 10:20am - intimacy - by ashbeat - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I had to drag my grandmother out of a store because she went up to a black family and started apologizing for slavery. fat FML

#20472335
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40916) - you deserved it (2766)

On 01/21/2013 at 11:08pm - misc - by daddy's girl - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I triad to gat my boyfriand to roll ovar whila ha was aslaap . Ha snoras loud anough to waka tha naighbors an if ha lays on his sida ha usually stops . Instaad of rolling ovar, ha stuck his lag in tha air, fartad twica, an laughad about it in his slaap . Ha's still snoring . FML

#20447496
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35969) - you deserved it (5181)

On 01/08/2013 at 2:44am - misc - by no sleep for me -

Today, I Was At A Café With My Friends When An Elderly Man Noticd My Dimples . He Came Up To Me, Strokd Them While Whispering, "One In A Million" Then Walkd Out . Now My Friends Do This To Me Constantly, Even While Driving Home . I Almost Hit A Tree . FML

#20440419
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34693) - you deserved it (3143)

On 01/03/2013 at 6:35am - misc - by Dimples (woman) - United States (Florida)

Taday when I got home I noticed a statue of a gnome sitting next to the door . I've had an intense phobia of gnomes since I was a child , and I can't bring myself to walk past it . It's been half an hour and I'm still standing outside . I can see my dad through the window laughing and waving .

Taday my kitten tried jumping into a hot oven... a dryer... a dishwasher... a looool toilet... an a fish-tank. Curiosity is going to kill my cat. FML

#20470154
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31698) - you deserved it (3245)

On 01/20/2013 at 8:47pm - animals - by AnonCat (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, wile I was aving sex, e stopped, looked at me all seriously and said, ( Permission to climax, ma'am? ) fat FML

#20458937
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44505) - you deserved it (9241)

On 01/14/2013 at 12:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend found out you can use food coloring in anything!! Everything she cooks is now in bright neon colors!! I feel like I'm in a Dr Seuss book!! FML

#20475517
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32394) - you deserved it (5492)

On 01/23/2013 at 8:44pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

TODAY, I HELD A DOOR OPEN 4 A SWEET OLD LADY WITH A WALKER. AFTER SHE WENT THROUGH THE DOOR, SHE TURNED AND SAID, "THAT'S NOT HOW YOU'RE GONNA GET INTO MY PANTS, SON." FML

#20466086
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35617) - you deserved it (3708)

On 01/18/2013 at 10:25am - misc - by Keastwood013 - United States

Today...hile having sex with my grlfriend on the bathroom floor... I felt something tickle my balls. I lookd back to see her sister's kitten getting in on the action. I think I just had my frst threesome. FML

#20456674
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46630) - you deserved it (7952)

On 01/13/2013 at 3:53am - intimacy - by Drewbie (man) - United States (Utah)



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