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November 2012

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Today, I ran across the street due to a line of cars waiting for me to cross. Just as I reached the other side, my iPhone slipped out of my hand and fell into the road, just in time to get run over by multiple cars, one after the other. FML

by unknown / 11/27/2012 at 1:45pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was separating my notes into two piles: one to save for exam studying and one to throw out. I finished separating, picked up the junk pile and absentmindedly shredded it. Afterwards, I looked down to see the junk pile still completely intact. Goodbye, passing grades. FML

by shark / 11/26/2012 at 10:03pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I have a tooth infection that's spread to my jaw and ear. It hurts so badly that I'm practically in tears. Today's also the day I found out I'm allergic to the medication I was prescribed. Everything hurts, I'm covered in hives, and I can't stop throwing up. FML

by Anonymous / 11/16/2012 at 7:30pm / Croatia (Primorsko-Goranska) / Health

Today, I told my boss I could handle running the floor buffer. Thirty seconds in, I lost control and became pinned to the wall by its force. In my state of shock and embarrassment, I didn't realize the only thing keeping me trapped was my grip on the accelerator. FML

by rubberduck1 / 11/16/2012 at 12:04am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, I bought an $80, "invincible" phone case. One test drop later, my phone had turned into an expensive paperweight. FML

by bummed and broke / 11/13/2012 at 1:24pm / United States / Money

Today, after finishing a test, I decided to draw to pass the time. My teacher looked at the drawing and gave me a referral to the principal for drawing an "anti-Semitic picture." I'd drawn Superman. FML

by Superman / 11/15/2012 at 1:01am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, after dealing with infidelity in my marriage, I found myself looking for advice. This led me to the comments section of a tabloid article talking about Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson. I'm a 30-year-old man taking marriage advice from a bunch of vampire-obsessed tweens. FML

by loser / 11/09/2012 at 11:07am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, my deranged wife somehow became convinced that vampires actually exist. She's now walking around with garlic powder caked into her clothing. I can't get the smell out of my nostrils. FML

by Anonymous / 11/04/2012 at 1:14pm / Norway (Oslo) / Love

Today, my boss asked me if I had any special plans for Christmas. After I told him I was planning a trip to Canada, he snapped, "Well, you can forget it. I need you at the office." FML

by Anonymous / 11/22/2012 at 12:35pm / Australia (Victoria) / Work

Today, my cat peed on my bra. I didn't realize this until after I arrived at work for my 12-hour shift. Now I'm trying to wash my bra out in the sink and stuff paper towels down it to soak up the moisture. Only 10 more hours to go, and the smell of cat pee is still lingering. FML

by onlyslightly / 11/30/2012 at 3:33am / United States / Work

Today, while studying liver pathology and highlighting important lines in my textbook, I realized that I could count the number of words I hadn't highlighted on one hand, over the last six pages. FML

by ThisisMedSchool / 11/01/2012 at 5:18pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally met the girl I've been talking to on phone for a while and found her charming in person as well. There's just one problem: she has more facial hair than I do. FML

by x / 11/11/2012 at 9:16pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my company had a Halloween party. I was so excited seeing as our company never does anything, so I pulled out all the stops with my costume. I was the only one who got dressed up. FML

by PieterseMJ / 11/02/2012 at 8:17am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Work