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September 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, in the middle of sex, my boyfriend sighed, said "I can't do this any more" and pulled out. After repeatedly asking him what was wrong, he basically told me that I suck in bed. Apparently, the way I "just lie there" makes him feel like a necrophile. FML

#20092519
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13657) - you deserved it (47783)

On 09/28/2012 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada

Today, I learned I'm not allergic to gluten. My mom has kept me on a gluten free diet since I was 5. She was convinced I was allergic to it. I'm 25 and I am writing this over my first slice of pizza in 20 years. FML

#20057669
177 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32477) - you deserved it (1817)

On 09/04/2012 at 5:38pm - health - by Emma - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was trying to convince my flatmate to agree to let me get us a kitten. After gushing about how cute they are, and showing her loads of pictures, she just stared at me and said, "You really need a penis inside you now and again." FML

#20087001
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15904) - you deserved it (19925)

On 09/24/2012 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by foreveralone (woman) - United Kingdom (Cardiff)

Today, my father bet me $200 that since my boyfriend is "such a stupid shit," he wouldn't be able to locate Paraguay on a map. I gladly accepted the bet. Not only did he not know where it is, he actually accused us of making the country up. FML

#20063309
325 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22391) - you deserved it (13095)

On 09/08/2012 at 3:16pm - misc - by dating a fucking idiot (woman) - United States

Today, the iPhone app I downloaded that plays cricket noises during the night, has attracted a horde of actual crickets into my bedroom. FML

#20062154
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13088) - you deserved it (24860)

On 09/07/2012 at 6:32pm - misc - by Gurl - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be funny to spank the ferret in bed and spray me while singing the Spiderman theme song. FML

#20093277
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25746) - you deserved it (4881)

On 09/29/2012 at 5:14am - intimacy - by BabyG2222 - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was on a plane returning to University, and I decided to shut my eyes. I opened them about 45 minutes later just as the plane landed to find I couldn't move at all. I was in sleep paralysis. The air hostesses had to lift me out of my seat. FML

#20090890
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28390) - you deserved it (2064)

On 09/27/2012 at 11:46am - health - by Dave (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I spent ten minutes looking for my cell phone in the dark, only to realize the light I was using was my cell phone's. FML

#20078695
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8127) - you deserved it (32644)

On 09/19/2012 at 12:14am - misc - by unaware - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had just bought a new $60 basketball and decided to go try it out. Five minutes into playing, the ball decided to roll into the hands of a little girl, who then said, "Mine". I thought it was cute, until she skipped over to her parent's car and they drove off. FML

#20068584
149 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31273) - you deserved it (5123)

On 09/12/2012 at 4:52am - kids - by Bitchjackedmyball - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I was assigned to write a short story about what we imagine Earth to be like in 500 years, and daily conflicts people experience. My teacher loved it and read it aloud to the class. He asked for my inspiration, and I didn't have the heart to say that I ripped off Mass Effect 3. FML

Today, I was sitting in on a boring presentation at work. I yawned and shifted in my chair, accidentally sitting on my testicles. I shrieked in pain and spent the next five minutes choking back tears, while my boss told me to shut my mouth and stop fucking around. FML

#20066447
163 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22157) - you deserved it (7503)

On 09/10/2012 at 5:20pm - work - by kevcng (man) - United States

Today, while shopping, I saw a little girl and her mom. The girl was pouting so I tried to cheer her up by asking her if she was a princess, because she was so pretty. She smiled but her mom looked at me with disgust and told me to, "Get lost, pedo." I'm a 17-year-old girl. FML

#20065720
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29987) - you deserved it (3110)

On 09/10/2012 at 12:39am - kids - by well okay then (woman) - United States

Today, I was on the toilet, when the girl I really like decided to call. I'd left my cellphone in my room and my dad answered. All he said was, "He's taking a shit. This might take a while." and hung up. FML

#20089771
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24422) - you deserved it (2123)

On 09/26/2012 at 4:27pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)



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