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Sunday 27 January 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I saw a woman breast feeding her child at the local park. That would have been just fine if the child wasn't at least 8 years old. FML

#20474414
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37796) - you deserved it (3825)

On 01/23/2013 at 3:33am - misc - by TheLastSerenade (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I decided to change my hair color. After waiting in anticipation, I took a shower to rinse out the dye and reveal my new, blue hair. Rinsing revealed not only blue hair, but blue skin caused by the watered dye running over my body. I now look like a smurf, and it's not coming out. FML

#20480724
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19492) - you deserved it (41150)

On 01/27/2013 at 1:10am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I went on a date with a very cute girl. It went well, until I accidentally called the blueberries in her dessert Oran Berries. I sheepishly explained that they're a berry from the Pokémon universe, at which point she excused herself, never to return. FML

#20490478
251 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25105) - you deserved it (37422)

On 02/02/2013 at 4:20pm - love - by Brock (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, after much self-doubt and awkwardness, I learned that I look amazing in a little black dress. Now I have to figure out what I'm going to tell my wife. FML

Today, a pregnant woman got on the bus. There were no free seats, so I stood up to give her mine. An obese man pushed past her, waddled over, and oozed into my seat. I said it was for the pregnant lady. He called me a "sexist bitch" and claimed he needed it more. FML

#20478664
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47320) - you deserved it (2663)

On 01/25/2013 at 8:24pm - misc - by protoplasm stole my seat (woman) - New Zealand (Waikato)

Today, it's been two months since I got a kitten. He loves to hide, and then surprise me by jumping out of his hiding place. It was quite a surprise when he launched himself out of my bag during class. FML

#20483320
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50015) - you deserved it (6396) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/28/2013 at 2:52pm - animals - by Kitten_Love - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went on another date with a guy I've had a crush on for a long time. Afterwards, we went back to my place for the first time and things got heated. While taking my pants off, he recoiled and asked if I thought it was still No Shave November. FML

#20479641
214 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28825) - you deserved it (45876)

On 01/26/2013 at 12:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, after applying for a job at a tanning salon, I was told they don't hire "naturally tan" people. I'm black. FML

#20470936
211 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50279) - you deserved it (4255)

On 01/21/2013 at 7:48am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

#20482358
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53757) - you deserved it (15210)

On 01/28/2013 at 12:03am - intimacy - by yourmainman (man) - Canada

Today, feeling lonely after my recent breakup, I put on my nicest clothes and went out clubbing with a few friends. I brought a guy back to my place, and we got intimate. It was going well, until he took off my push-up bra, then panicked and drunkenly asked, "Where'd they go?!" FML

#20477055
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27924) - you deserved it (51599)

On 01/24/2013 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by chase (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, while trucking, I got stuck in traffic on a congested highway. After 15 minutes of mind-numbing boredom, I glanced down at the car beside me, only to witness the driver changing her tampon and flicking the old one onto the highway. I can't unsee this. FML

#20489402
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62296) - you deserved it (3859)

On 02/01/2013 at 8:01pm - intimacy - by thoughtidseenitall (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, as a firefighter, we were called to assist the ambulance crew with lifting a deceased patient out of a house. Little did I know, he had been dead inside for 3 weeks, and was bloated and popped like a water balloon when we attempted to move him. My girlfriend made soup for the evening meal. FML

#20488428
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42316) - you deserved it (2436)

On 01/31/2013 at 11:39pm - work - by Fireguy92 (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I jokingly asked my girlfriend if she thinks I have a big package. She replied that she didn't want to upset me and get into another fight. FML

#20485057
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27592) - you deserved it (39362)

On 01/29/2013 at 5:39pm - intimacy - by notsobig - United States



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