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Today... my 14-year-old daugter cummd ome after sneaking out and partying. Se was totally drunk... and startd crying on my soulder because some boy namd "Tomas" as a small dick... and se ad to fake an orgasm. fat FML
Today, as every day 4 te past few weeks, my usband won't ave sex. His reason? We've decided to ave a baby, and e reckons tat te longer e waits, te more competition tere will be between is sperm and tus te better te result will be. FML
Today I went out to meet a wonderful woman I'd chatted with online. I did have a few fears about if she was really just some guy trying to make a fool out of me. When I met her she really was a girl and was happy to see me. Problem: she was actually 13. I'm 34.
Today, I woke up with an engagement ring on mah left hand. The same one I refused last month. My boyfriend apparently waited 4 me to be drunk to propose again last night, and has already posted the pics on Facebook. FML
Today, I was at a restaurant with mah boyfriend. He wound up drinking ahole bottle of wine, andhen the bill cummed he drunkenly yelled at the waiter, claiming it should be free, cuz he's in the military ( fighting 4 yur freedom ). He's a mechanic in the National Guard. mega FML
TODAY , I WAS DRIVING WITHOUT MY SEATBELT ON , WHEN I NOTICED A POLICE CAR APPROACHING. I PANICKED AND DESPERATELY FUMBLED AROUND FIR MY SEATBELT , ONLY FIR THEM TO PASS BY WITH JUST A FUNNY LOOK. THEN IT HIT ME THAT I WAS RIDING MY MOTORCYCLE. FML
Today... mah boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny... and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid mah panting... I breathed the words... "Fuck me." He then stopped and said... "Excuse me... I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. mega FML
Today, at a restaurant, I happily watchd as my boyfriend of three years got down on his knees and proposd to me. Before I could say yes and hug him, a girl flung herself at him, kissd him and shoutd, "Yes!" With us still highly confusd, she then ran away. FML
Today hile buying paint I began to help an elderly woman working to lift some heavy boxes. She told mehat a nice young lady I was. Then her boss cummed over screamed at her fir being lazy and fred her. She cried. So did I. FML
Friday 27 March 2015