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Monday 19 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, in a state of extreme boredom, I decided to dress my 6-month-old son in girl's clothes. As he sat in my lap in a frilly dress, and as I was placing a very pink and lacy bow on his head, my mother-in-law unexpectedly walked in. She now thinks I'm mentally unstable and should be in therapy. FML

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he'd rather play the new Assassin's Creed game or have a night of sex with me. He started crying from indecision. FML

#20176354
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38285) - you deserved it (12005)

On 11/24/2012 at 8:54am - intimacy - by ladylol (woman) - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, this guy I've been dating for a few months freaked out and called his mom crying, because I told him I might be pregnant with his baby. He is 27. I didn't even take a pregnancy test yet. FML

#20171052
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12915) - you deserved it (29416)

On 11/20/2012 at 2:45pm - misc - by babyblues (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, in break from tradition, I proposed to my boyfriend. We were at a Japanese Pagoda. Water was trickling everywhere; the moment was perfect. While I was on my knee, after pouring my heart out, he looked wistfully out over the water and said, "So, I was thinking pizza tonight." FML

#20173702
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31900) - you deserved it (6434)

On 11/22/2012 at 11:13am - love - by but I tried anal and everything (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I woke up to my balls covered in Icy Hot, a big old "fuck you" note from my girlfriend, and my door slamming shut. I'm starting to get the distinct impression I shouldn't have made that off-hand remark last night about her PMSing, after she rage-quit a game of Mario Kart. FML

#20178502
249 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15029) - you deserved it (28769)

On 11/25/2012 at 5:38pm - love - by dumping time (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, the car in front of me in the drop-off area at my son's school parked, and the driver got out. I basically leaned on my horn and gave her every dirty look in the book. She said nothing but stared at me as she opened the back of her van to unload her child's wheelchair. I'm an asshole. FML

#20172167
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10214) - you deserved it (72893)

On 11/21/2012 at 9:03am - kids - by AHole (woman) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I caught my teenage daughter smoking, and tried calmly explaining to her that it's quite bad for her health. She replied with, "It doesn't harm you if you're under 20." FML

#20174862
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31338) - you deserved it (4809)

On 11/23/2012 at 4:07am - kids - by RyanJarmanForPresident (woman) - United States

Today, I was blessed with a girlfriend who loves giving blowjobs. And cursed with a girlfriend who is also somehow really bad at them. FML

#20174308
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36394) - you deserved it (8773)

On 11/22/2012 at 8:19pm - intimacy - by Janitoro (man) - United States

Today, my girlfriend dared me to put on her bra and panties and give her a lap dance. Feeling spontaneous, I decided to do it. Just as I was getting really into it, she told me I was on webcam for all her friends. Apparently it was a contest of who had their boyfriend the most whipped. She won. FML

#20174722
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52167) - you deserved it (15288)

On 11/23/2012 at 1:14am - intimacy - by Embarassed (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I realized the number of cats I currently have is higher than the number of guys I've ever dated. FML

#20169381
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21875) - you deserved it (17824)

On 11/19/2012 at 11:15am - animals - by crazycatlady (woman) - United States

Today, I ran into my sister, who nobody in the family has seen in six years. She looked very happy working the pole. FML

#20179890
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33910) - you deserved it (3818)

On 11/26/2012 at 3:54pm - misc - by Teddy (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I've been on duty at the hospital for just three hours so far, and I've already pulled five carving forks out of four different people. Good job, everybody. FML

#20174027
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26080) - you deserved it (1846)

On 11/22/2012 at 4:03pm - work - by DocFUCKINGHATESSTUPIDPEOPLE (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I'm now about 15 pounds overweight. When I called him a hypocrite as he's over 40 pounds overweight, he said that his weight didn't matter because "it's the girl's job to look hot." FML

#20171204
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35449) - you deserved it (5021)

On 11/20/2012 at 4:57pm - health - by thinner than you (woman) - United States (New Jersey)



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