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Sunday 11 November 2012

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was waitressing for a huge family. Their bill was $750. Excited about the tip, I was shocked to see only $0.50. As they were leaving, I threw the two whole quarters at their heads. Guess who also got fired today. FML

#20150831
487 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20462) - you deserved it (46908)

On 11/06/2012 at 5:37pm - work - by Misunderstood Waitress (woman) - United States

Today, I brought a fluorescent tube to the store to make sure I got the correct replacement. Trying to charm the sexy cashier, I waved the tube in the air, saying "I need a new light sabre, there is no force left in this one and the Empire is attacking." Turns out she'd never heard of Star Wars. FML

#20162883
279 comments

Today, I told my family that I wanted to change my last name to my future wife's. We want to have the same last name, and we chose hers because she is an only child, while I have three brothers. Half of my family is laughing and calling me "pussy whipped" while the other half won't speak to me. FML

#20150778
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28308) - you deserved it (16060)

On 11/06/2012 at 5:03pm - love - by new name (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my daughter had a meltdown when I told her I donated some of her old toys to Goodwill. It turns out Toy Story has taught her that toys have feelings and that she has a meaningful relationship with them. She's in her teens. FML

#20167023
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16806) - you deserved it (25762)

On 11/17/2012 at 5:31pm - kids - by susan (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, a woman on the train demanded I give up my seat for her, claiming it was for people with disabilities. Tired from a long day at work, and seeing she had nothing wrong with her, I asked what her disability was. Apparently, obesity is one. FML

#20152323
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32607) - you deserved it (2221)

On 11/07/2012 at 12:58am - misc - by NotAnExcuse (woman) - United States

Today, I had to forcibly separate a boy from my daughter after he grabbed her and started shoving her around. I complained to his mother, only to have her shout, "mind your fucking business" and say that her son can do whatever the hell he wants. FML

#20168309
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31735) - you deserved it (1805)

On 11/18/2012 at 4:22pm - kids - by WELL FUCK YOU KINDLY, MA'AM (man) - United States (New York)

Today, just like every morning this month, I woke up, put on my clothes, looked out my window, and was pointed at by a man in a ninja outfit on my neighbor's roof. The police still can't find him. FML

#20155776
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31829) - you deserved it (2632)

On 11/08/2012 at 11:54pm - misc - by Targeted - United States (Washington)

Today, was the day my girlfriend and I tried to 69 for the first time. Today is also the day I learned that I'm physically incapable of maintaining an erection after someone farts in my face. FML

#20163281
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52185) - you deserved it (6515)

On 11/14/2012 at 4:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, a stray dog came up to my living room window. My pitbull went into attack mode and tried to jump through said window, while it was closed. Now I have to pay to replace the window, and pay to get stitches for my idiot dog. FML

#20153727
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22768) - you deserved it (7354)

On 11/07/2012 at 4:30pm - animals - by Drafty (woman) - United States (California)

Today, on my way to school, I was shouted at by an obnoxious businessman for sitting down on the train when a "full fare paying passenger" was standing. I would normally have given him the seat straight away, except I have a broken leg. I showed him my leg and crutches. He still made me get up. FML

#20159990
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28574) - you deserved it (3283)

On 11/12/2012 at 1:50am - health - by myleghurts (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I was renovating the house, and my girlfriend asked, "Do you use electrical tape on electrical stuff?" Not knowing where she was going with this, I just gave her a puzzled look. She continued by saying, "Because it's not like people use duct tape on ducks." FML

#20158312
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23722) - you deserved it (3128)

On 11/11/2012 at 12:05am - love - by Danny - United States (Utah)

Today, I started dating a seemingly normal guy. Not even four hours into our relationship, he began telling me that he can see spirits, dead people, and that I have a large black dog following me everywhere I go. FML

#20155774
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25086) - you deserved it (2838)

On 11/08/2012 at 11:53pm - love - by holyshitbatman - United States (Ohio)

Today, while at a red light, a guy in a tux and sunglasses doing the Gangnam Style passed over the crossing, followed by a man with a video camera. This isn't the first time I've stopped for people doing a Gangnam Style parody. FML

#20165330
195 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25946) - you deserved it (3828)

On 11/16/2012 at 10:52am - misc - by Gangnam (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)



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