Today, the 86 year old guy next door told me I needed three things in life to succeed: a cook book, a boyfriend, and a boob job. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20217) - you totally deserved it (2663)
On 10/12/2009 at 4:57pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Hampshire)
Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment.
HELL YEAH, GET YOURSELF A GOOD GUY WHO KEEPS YOU IN THE KITCHEN. MAKE SOME SAMMICHES.
#29 - On 10/12/2009 at 8:36pm by Duckasaurus
Get the boob job and a cook book and the boyfriend will come fairly easy.
Yet another example of money buying happiness.
Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment.
Make mine with mayo. Lots of white, creamy mayo.
Maybe it wasn't even directed towards her. Maybe he was just another old man wandering around giving advice on life to all the whippersnappers.
#68 - On 10/12/2009 at 9:33pm by violentturtle
Thats what i was thinking...but as most self conscious girls they have to take everything personally..again self-conscious girls not all girls
#85 - On 10/12/2009 at 10:20pm by Veritas143
Well, if you listen to him chances are you can get hooked up with some old rich guy. He kicks the buckets and leaves you with all his stuff..... haven't I heard this somewhere before?
Wise Man Indeed
#161 - On 10/13/2009 at 8:23am by andydawg8891
I agree with #40! Get the boobs and cook. GET THE BOOBS! Did i say get the boobs? and learn to cook, then you can get as many guys as it takes to satisfy you. Bukkake if you will
#168 - On 10/13/2009 at 12:40pm by donkey_hang_down
A small investment for a lifetime of happiness? Well worth it!
#178 - On 10/14/2009 at 11:19am by donkey_hang_down
Exactly. We want most that which we cannot have. Nothing is more desirable than the unobtainable.
#101 - On 10/12/2009 at 11:13pm by sephirothyeti
..Although the desire for what you can't have tends to be even stronger for the female gender
#159 - On 10/13/2009 at 7:58am by moonlight_daze
He's old enough to where his sexist remarks make sense. 70 years younger and I woulda bitch slapped him with my metal-decorated bike gloves on.
She's saying the old man would need to be 60 years younger for her to slap him. This means he'd be 26 and she'd be 20. Makes sense.
what the hell, that guy is such a douche. lol that was beyond disrespectful in so many ways.
#5 - On 10/12/2009 at 8:06pm by brendalovee_
OP you must live on the seacoast. This sounds like the crackerjack old folks that infest the area.
#6 - On 10/12/2009 at 8:07pm by jackkerouc9
Well isn't he an ass... I would have punched him and yelled "COOK THIS!" lol :)
Oh and don't worry about the boob comment, lot's of guys like small boobs :) you don't need surgery just to please some guys!
#9 - On 10/12/2009 at 8:09pm by Sun_Kissed18
Pffft that's what I'm sayin !!
What good are boobs anyway?
All you need is a mouthful...
;D
#56 - On 10/12/2009 at 9:19pm by ChronicFAIL
You want a girl that already has a boyfriend? Nice.
#17 - On 10/12/2009 at 8:15pm by DarknessAngel292
So your neighbor is a sexist, pervy creep. Your life is not fucked though.
#14 - On 10/12/2009 at 8:12pm by noshitsherlock
Um, I don't know any woman who makes their perverted 86 year old neighbor sandwiches...
#69 - On 10/12/2009 at 9:34pm by Ohnothingreally
Well, I don't know about the boob job and the cookbook, assuming you didn't already know how to cook and apparently have not-so-big breasts, but the boyfriend part, uhh...
I bet that old man get's PRET-ty lonely sometimes, if you catch mah drift. ;)
Well, buried.
But I never thought that would happen.
I mean, plexico is like the FML God!
And Intoxicunt is his Goddess.
#70 - On 10/12/2009 at 9:35pm by Ohnothingreally
It was unmoderated.
And thank you! I want to be Hera. She's an awesome evil bitch. :D
#71 - On 10/12/2009 at 9:37pm by Intoxicunt
plexico HAS amassed a few humourless enemies in his time. But I'm pretty sure his allies can provide a few more thumbs up (and faster) than the collective thumbs down of his enemies. :)
Hahahaha. Ohh... The FML rulers have returned!
I miss our long talks. Even if it's only been a few days.
#130 - On 10/13/2009 at 1:39am by redbluegreen
Well - that is true to an extent. Knowing how to cook is a marvelous skill. Especially if you live by yourself. . . fast food is detrimental to the whole 'successful life' thing.
Ahh how raunchy the pearls of wisdom have gotten...
But you need a cook book for sure. Guys might want sex all the time, but food is the next best, if not the best, thing to give them =P
Tell him he needs 10 things to succeed in life
1-common sense
2-a penis
3-purple socks
4-hair
5-old shoe
6-a lamp
7-pants
8-a brain
9-balls
10-another penis
He should succeed now! :D
#37 - On 10/12/2009 at 8:55pm by scateice
There should be a character limit on replies too.
Just looking at this makes my face hurt.
#42 - On 10/12/2009 at 9:05pm by ChronicFAIL
#38 - Not everyone defines 'success' the same way, just throwin' that out there.
#53 - On 10/12/2009 at 9:13pm by bugmenotmofo
# 52 - He's saying what about the ADVICE makes it wrong. He's also correct, the answer is nothing. You're referring to what is wrong about sexism. Pay attention before you call people idiots.
IIRC feminism is about giving women the choice to be a traditional housewife/mother or to go out and compete with men on equal footing in the workforce. Not everyone has to choose the latter.
Oh honey. You have much MUCH to learn.
Let's start by explaining everything that was wrong with your loaded statements, shall we?
First off, marrying into money does not appeal to everyone. Plenty of people, men & women alike, have aspirations, passions, and dreams in life. Perhaps your only aspiration is to substantiate your laziness by marrying someone rich so that you can continue to eat pizza & play Halo all day, and if so then that's great for you! But some people want make their own cash, be self-sufficient, and realize their passions. Also, not everyone wants to get married, so having a well-paying career & standing on your own two feet is ideal for some.
Also, your failed attempt at explaining why sexism/profiling/etc. is sometimes "right" was cute. Cute, but not educational, moving, or inspirational. It's true that Muslim men have been at the root of terrorist attacks in the past, but it's impossible & ridiculous to claim that they're the only ones who will do so in the future. One day, an Asian woman just might blow up a major political building, or hijack a plane, & then what happens to your faulty logic? Perhaps you should expand your mind a bit & not be suckered into a "Muslim men & ONLY Muslim men can be terrorists" mindset. This, folks, is an example of profiling that did nothing but to make the one doing the profiling look like a moron.
Now, on to your bit about "feminism". Actually, it's shocking AND hilarious how little about feminism you know. The last thing "hardcore feminists" (ah, such gentle words from such a broad mind) want is to marry into money because that just negates the entire purpose of adopting the feminist ideals. What feminism strives for is a world in which women can make their own money, be successful and rich, without having to rely on a man. Also, being rich doesn't necessarily mean being happy, as you so blindly seem to believe. It's wonderful that you'd want to marry a rich woman (hopefully one day you'll find one dumb enough to forgive you your blatant stupidity), but just because that is what you desire doesn't mean other people, men OR women, desire it as well.
As a woman, I would much rather keep a good-paying job, make my own fortune, & not become dependent on a man. Women are equal to men & should make the same wages, reach the same heights of success, and be treated with just as much respect.
Now, run on back to your banjo & perhaps if you're good your mama will let you milk the cow tomorrow!
#97 - On 10/12/2009 at 10:59pm by BlueberryPies
#97:
I think I'm in love.
Your comment summed up my entire thoughts on the situation perfectly.
#102 - On 10/12/2009 at 11:17pm by Intoxicunt
I'm not even a lesbian, but for you baby, I would be.
Can we make little sperm-donor babies and live happily ever-after?
:)
lol old people always know best. even if they're assholes. maybe take the advice?
#46 - On 10/12/2009 at 9:07pm by maipinkbear
is your neighbor hugh hefner yeah i dont care about boob size. just HOLE size , the smaller and tighter the betterthis is my shocker emoticon
#47 - On 10/12/2009 at 9:09pm by ladiesman14
Don't listen to that shit.
Boobs might get you the guys attention but if you want more than a glance, have a trait that sets you apart from every other Plain Jane (with boobs).
#48 - On 10/12/2009 at 9:10pm by ChronicFAIL
True all you need is power, a bit of creativity and financial security. He may be 'sexist' but there is truth in his words.
#49 - On 10/12/2009 at 9:11pm by cerebellum
when I first read this I thought the old guy wanted the boob job, cook book and boyfriend.
#55 - On 10/12/2009 at 9:19pm by ohsoichigo
Aww, don't listen to him! He only thinks that because all old women have their boobs to their knees, and you probably don't!
#57 - On 10/12/2009 at 9:20pm by South_Park_Shay
the guy rocks. i mean imagine an oldtimer says that to you unbelievable
#60 - On 10/12/2009 at 9:20pm by youngboss
cooking is nice, it means you can save money since you won't be constantly spending money on nasty shit, like McDonalds.
boobs....only get you do far and instead of spending loads of money on those, you could always buy a nice push up bra and some low cut shirts
boyfriends....eh they can be useful at times but not a must have.
#61 - On 10/12/2009 at 9:24pm by feed_the_ducks
To be fair, that's probably all his wife had back in the day. Minus the boob job, of course. Poor guy.
#66 - On 10/12/2009 at 9:31pm by Haitch
Shoulda punched him in the face and walked away, saying "looks like YOU need a nose job."
#74 - On 10/12/2009 at 9:43pm by Avenging_Angel
its nice to no that an 86 year old dude has been checking out ur boobs... tell him to get a life
actually, dont
#75 - On 10/12/2009 at 9:47pm by jessxoxo28
I THINK....OK GUYS I GOT AN IDEA....LIKE....LETS ALL GET SOME ICE CREAM :D
#89 - On 10/12/2009 at 10:39pm by scateice
lmfao I pressed save comment by mistake in that last sentence. wat I meant to ask was... what happened to intoxicunt and ireplywlyrics??
I'm right here. I replied to plexico's comment up there. Go read. I don't get on much these days, but that will change soon enough.
And ireply is still here, just not on every FML.
#104 - On 10/12/2009 at 11:19pm by Intoxicunt
why are the numbers all scatered around and not in order?
#92 - On 10/12/2009 at 10:50pm by Erickchimp10
I prefer small boobs, my theory is smaller the boobs, tighter the pussy.
#98 - On 10/12/2009 at 11:07pm by FlaminYawn
You don't want the pussy too tight or it will tear, and that would suck because of three things: You might have to pay. You won't have sex for a while. You'll have a crying chick on your back all the time.
#109 - On 10/12/2009 at 11:43pm by DameGreyWulf
....yea, cause that makes complete and logical sense
I think I recall learning in anatomy how the size of the breasts and the tightness of a girl's vag are completely dependent upon one another.
you're an idiot.
You definitely need a cook book. This is not a sexist statement, it is FACT. You want to eat don't you? THEN GET SOME DAMN COOK BOOKS.
Or you can eat ramen and canned soup all your life...
If nothing else, get a unique cook book and dazzle company with how totally awesome you are with the Czech cookies or something.
#108 - On 10/12/2009 at 11:42pm by DameGreyWulf
I love a woman who can cook, thats why hot women are called dishes. While I can cook I find a woman who knows her way around a kitchen as well as around life shows how capable they are.
#117 - On 10/13/2009 at 12:12am by AnalBottleOpener
It's hot when a guy can cook, too. You're right, it shows independence, and that's rad.
#131 - On 10/13/2009 at 1:41am by DameGreyWulf
Thank you Dame. I think its also sexy when women cook naked, but I'm a good old fashioned boy like that. LOL. But when people says its sexist when a woman has to be in the kitchen (mostly my mom and sister) I don't think that is the case. If a man demands the woman stay home and not have a life, then yeah. But a woman who is both powerful and independent, it just makes her having to rely on your or you relying on her that much more meaningful.
#142 - On 10/13/2009 at 3:22am by AnalBottleOpener
Bet he caused the Great Depression. Or at least in most women who know him. For all you know this is wisdom from the old country.
#112 - On 10/12/2009 at 11:56pm by RubixMonkey
You know, some people pay a LOT of money for that advice! See? There ya go!
#118 - On 10/13/2009 at 12:18am by flinkpamingo
i absolutely agree with this old man.. saying that all a woman needs to succeed is a pimp, a cookbook, and a boobjob is the most valid statement ever said.. the pimp will give you your multiple orgasms, the cookbook will help with your sandwhich making skills, and also maybe help you satisfy your pimp in bed, with something like a pourtugese breakfast, and the boobjob,? it means that you don't have to get a real job, you already have a nice boobjob (and perhaps be pretty decent at your blowjob and handjob)
my girl doesn't need a cook book... because i cook better than any hoe that i will end up with.
but a boob job would be nice. ;)
#127 - On 10/13/2009 at 1:10am by ILoveAsianGirls
hmm
well you could dress up like rachel ray (plus the boobs you could make fake ones yourself) and cook like her so finding a boyfriend would come easy :D perfecto!!
Well, if you learn to cook and get a boob job, the boyfriend comes naturally
#133 - On 10/13/2009 at 1:51am by AlwaysRejected
Darn it, plexico stole my comment. I guess that's what I get for only checking FML on my phone in the middle of the night when I should be going to sleep; I don't exactly get one of the first comments.
AntiChrist, we can't all be born from a spawn. People on Earth get old, not just redder like in hell.
#143 - On 10/13/2009 at 3:24am by AnalBottleOpener
how is that an fml? that's the best advice you will ever get
#144 - On 10/13/2009 at 3:42am by watrulokinatfool
I agree about the cook book and the boyfriend, you can't really enjoy a romantic night alone without someone there, unless you are a lesbian. Or you have a friend. Sharing dinner is a great way to get closer. Also maybe, a boobjob is like a blowjob, they play with the merchandise. So he is just saying you need to get a boy, cook some food, and let him go down on your boobs. A boobjob, like oral, but without the fishy taste.
#145 - On 10/13/2009 at 3:48am by AnalBottleOpener
So an old man has old fashioned views? What a shocker. This isn't an FML at all. Who the fuck cares? If this is the most sexist thing anyone has ever said to you, consider yourself lucky.
#146 - On 10/13/2009 at 5:01am by AndreaHatesYou1
i think we all can learn a thing or too from this man.....jk
#148 - On 10/13/2009 at 5:17am by spyderman2190
In your case you need to grow up, start thinking for yourself, and stop posting pathetic things like this.
#166 - On 10/13/2009 at 12:02pm by containsnosoy
Meh. Why complicate things unnecessarily? All you REALLY need is a cookbook. Actually, any decent-sized book will do. Then all you have to do is follow this simple scheme:
1) Clobber helpless old man over the head with a heavy book
2) Steal all his stuff
3) PROFIT!
NOTE: The poster of this comment does not actually advocate assaulting helpless old men (or anybody, for that matter). Don't try this at home.
Wow. Your neighbor needs to go to a mental hospital or...he knows what he is talking about..
#172 - On 10/13/2009 at 4:28pm by Imaninja14
that might have been true WAY back in his day but a glance around tells me that these days more guys run away once they get a taste of what it's like to be a "family man" and the state, who then has to help provide for the children doesn't care about boob jobs and cook books
This is hardly a FYL. It was just some old and old-fashioned guy being a dick.
Boobs are overrated. I'm B32, and I get all the guys with repressed lolita complexes! And a cookbook is good for anyone.
You may want to get some self esteem too so that you don't have to take offense to what an old man says to you.
you shouldnt be talking. maybe you shouldnt comment on someone elses self esteem, cuz if youre posting a comment like that.. what does that say about your self esteem? hmm.
#181 - On 10/23/2009 at 8:06pm by bayleesaije
how dies he know how your food taste :-O I'd be scared
#186 - On 02/22/2010 at 4:44am by emo_fail_child
