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Today, I texted my girlfriend and told her I was mowing my lawn. She responded "it's about time, it keeps getting caught in my teeth!" I was referring to the lawn outside of my house. FML

#4272437 (144)

I agree, your life sucks (9092) - you totally deserved it (31406)

On 08/04/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by jkon (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

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Comments

haha that sucks

#1 - On 08/04/2009 at 6:32am by Ranoona

but only for him!

#21 - On 08/04/2009 at 7:39am by AdmanRulz

@41 your lame because you don't have one

#42 - On 08/04/2009 at 10:38am by billchilled

worst fml ever.

#78 - On 08/04/2009 at 2:07pm by Rakayum

hahaha, thats funny. but lame at the same time.. idk

#80 - On 08/04/2009 at 2:45pm by yeahsurre

What she was trying to say was "If your schlong was longer, I could not get your hair stuck in my teeth".

#115 - On 08/04/2009 at 11:47pm by FarSide

She could be sucking on his balls not necessarily his dick

#133 - On 08/05/2009 at 4:30pm by ms_nobody

Oh dear lol.

#2 - On 08/04/2009 at 6:37am by georgia

Wait, wait, wait...

YOU GUYS DO UNDERSTAND THAT HER TEETH CAN ONLY GET CAUGHT IN HIS PUBES IF SHE GOES ALL THE WAY DOWN, MEANING THAT HE HAS A TINY PENIS.

#96 - On 08/04/2009 at 6:22pm by Poonheart

or she can throat :p

#105 - On 08/04/2009 at 7:34pm by evlbb2

why is his dick your main focus?

#107 - On 08/04/2009 at 8:16pm by mister_moops

it doesnt matter if his penis is small the thing that matters is where the penis goes ^.^

#124 - On 08/05/2009 at 4:41am by Moms_Bestfriend

LAWL!!!

#146 - On 03/14/2010 at 7:36am by xxbadassbitchxx

I guess you've got more mowing to do then!

#3 - On 08/04/2009 at 6:38am by georgia

i notice a lack of those people who were previously very anti female shaving/waxing in previous FMLs...
suddenly now that its a guy theres nobody defending him...why am i not surprised.

not that i disagree, shave it if thats what she wants. i stand by my statement regardless of the sex.

#48 - On 08/04/2009 at 11:37am by organisedchaos

#48, that is called "gender equality"
Yeah. I dig the double standard upheld by women, as well.

#55 - On 08/04/2009 at 12:04pm by wbrycem

I agree. Women think no one should be allowed to tell them what to do.

#65 - On 08/04/2009 at 1:12pm by hunny_kat

hear hear #48!!

Double standards rule!!

personally if my gf doesn't shave i won't, even if she asks, unless she's willing to start shaving too, then i'll be fine

#68 - On 08/04/2009 at 1:27pm by genius_man16

Hopefully, not with the Lawn Mower he referred to O_o

That would be a tad painful!

#75 - On 08/04/2009 at 1:50pm by BrianA1993

I've never seen it this way. In those FMLs, the majority of people were telling her to shave... they didn't tell him to, just her. I've never heard the double standard put this way. It's usually the girls who do and the guys who don't, and the girls have to put up with it.

#87 - On 08/04/2009 at 4:25pm by spiltstars

Yeah, it usually is considered more gross when the girls don't shave than the guys.
Hairy balls look like old man balding, though lol

@OP: FYL because she didn't say anything before. Seriously, if she has an issue, then she needs to say so, or just not mouth your balls.

#94 - On 08/04/2009 at 6:12pm by DameGreyWulf

#48 - My two cents: nobody's under any compulsion to do that, but *I* won't go down on a girl if she doesn't shave - my nose runs and I feel icky. Only part of her body I don't want hair to be, though. So it seems fair to me for the reverse to happen as well. If the hair is getting in your partner's way, then either remove it or expect them to stay away from it. If it;'s not, hey, do whatever.

#121 - On 08/05/2009 at 3:35am by regalarius

@121
thats the point...in the other fmls women argued against a woman shaving for her guy, and here there is nobody saying the guy shouldnt shave, so clearly those women have double standards as they seem to have no issue when gender roles are reversed.
so by saying he should shave and so should any girl youre just agreeing with my point.

#125 - On 08/05/2009 at 7:09am by organisedchaos

So trim your pubes.
No biggie. ;)

#4 - On 08/04/2009 at 6:38am by cactus

EXACTLY

#28 - On 08/04/2009 at 8:57am by PokeyStix

If I'm comfortable with the fact that my girlfriend doesn't mow the lawn, then why should I have to? I like that the OP is actually comfortable with himself as is and doesn't feel he needs to mow his lawn...well at least he was comfortable. That sucks for you OP, I hope all works out well for you.

#60 - On 08/04/2009 at 12:55pm by Sycops

your preferences in her pubic hair are different than her preferences in your pubic hair. if a guy is fine with me shaving or not shaving, whatever, but i'm still going to prefer that HE keep his trimmed for the same reason the OP's gf mentioned. do you know how awkward and disgusting it is to go down on a guy and have to stop because you got a big gnarly pubic hair caught on the back of your tongue?

#66 - On 08/04/2009 at 1:22pm by diet_otaku

I have had my fair share of nasty pubes stuck in my mouth going down on girls too. It goes both ways.

#88 - On 08/04/2009 at 4:29pm by katsuku

HIGH FIVE to #88!!!

#101 - On 08/04/2009 at 6:54pm by wrestling49

Shaving the beaver is not like shaving the boys. Women have NOTHING to loose, and hell, if you cut or nick it... so what? It's not like you are not used to bleeding....

But shaving around a wrinkled sack of balls is very serious business, and takes tremendous skill.

#116 - On 08/04/2009 at 11:51pm by FarSide

lol, I think you should take the hint :P .

#5 - On 08/04/2009 at 6:38am by mike1921

I'm surprised she didn't say anything before

#6 - On 08/04/2009 at 6:39am by timtam24

Is your life that uneventful that you have to inform your girlfriend about your chores? God.
Your short flash of embarrassment is won over by the fact that you're still getting head.

#7 - On 08/04/2009 at 6:41am by redbluegreen

REALLY? You need to learn to think outside the box... this FML TOTALLY makes sense in couple different concepts; the couple could have already been in the midst of a conversation and she might have asked him what he's up to... maybe they had plans to hang out but it had to be postponed because he had a chore to do. BESIDES, it's FUNNY. Let a little humor into your life, you'll live longer.

#44 - On 08/04/2009 at 11:01am by angelienie

hahaha take a razor and mow that as well.

#8 - On 08/04/2009 at 6:47am by sireen

haha, time to trim that bush. sucks for you. YDI for having a bush.

#9 - On 08/04/2009 at 6:48am by pinkishgirl

Nice to hear that you have such fascinating topics to discuss with your girlfriend.

#10 - On 08/04/2009 at 6:56am by Broteth

Some 12 year old here doesn't understand the reference...

#79 - On 08/04/2009 at 2:31pm by chinolatino

what if it was part of a longer conversation? she probably asked what he was doing or something.

#18 - On 08/04/2009 at 7:27am by quantum_insanity

how is this a FML?

#12 - On 08/04/2009 at 7:02am by deliapearl

Your weiner is very small for your "lawn" to get caught in her teeth.

#13 - On 08/04/2009 at 7:09am by WonderBlunder

That, or his girlfriend's just really, really good lol.

#15 - On 08/04/2009 at 7:12am by zolziski

Or his bush is really fucking long and crazy.

#20 - On 08/04/2009 at 7:38am by jnic

Maybe she just like to deep throat, ever thought of that?

#37 - On 08/04/2009 at 10:12am by Flip3289

Gotta agree with Wonder, but you're still getting head, so you've still got mowing to do.

#14 - On 08/04/2009 at 7:12am by viral

you must have a really small dick. ydi

#16 - On 08/04/2009 at 7:14am by pumface

This story can go 2 ways.
Either you REALLY need to shave those pubes of yours
or you girlfriend's a Goat

Either way, FYL man.

#17 - On 08/04/2009 at 7:26am by Rude_Girl_Ska

haha that was funny as shit

#100 - On 08/04/2009 at 6:53pm by dg72592

Two things, if that is all you have to speak to your girlfriend about I think you need a change, e.g. maybe a trim downstairs. Secondly, if that is the first thing she thinks about, you better trim it otherwise your not getting any head again.

#19 - On 08/04/2009 at 7:34am by silverash

Maybe she likes to eat the grass outside your house! No one ever considered that!

#22 - On 08/04/2009 at 8:13am by iFruit

Ahem, who wouldn't prefer grass and dirt? Lol

#24 - On 08/04/2009 at 8:38am by iFruit

Amen!

#139 - On 08/06/2009 at 11:00pm by thatonesinginkid

Common courtesy, man. You have to figure there's a line between acceptable hair and unacceptable hair.
Sometimes, it's okay to clear-cut a forest....

Besides, there's really nothing to be bitching about. At least she still put your penis in your mouth. Stop your complaining.

#25 - On 08/04/2009 at 8:40am by nebjamin69

Yeah, at least she put your penis in your mouth you whiny baby.

#49 - On 08/04/2009 at 11:50am by deathbunny256

if she's putting his penis in HIS mouth, i think he's got bigger issues...

#67 - On 08/04/2009 at 1:25pm by diet_otaku

haha oops... I didn't even realize that.
That is definitely a shitty buzz.
FML

#92 - On 08/04/2009 at 5:22pm by nebjamin69

Hahaha! Take the hint and cut the bush.

#26 - On 08/04/2009 at 8:48am by maddog

Damn fool.... practice some self hygene. do you want her junk covered by some crazy untamed busch?!

#27 - On 08/04/2009 at 8:50am by visage

He never said she mowed her lawn...what if she doesn't? What then? Should he still?

#61 - On 08/04/2009 at 1:00pm by Sycops

hahahahahahahahahaha.

#30 - On 08/04/2009 at 9:21am by ashleymarie37

seriously, then trim down there. it's gross and it gets in the way when you give someone head and you get hairs in your mouth. you'd rather give it to her without any hair, right?

#31 - On 08/04/2009 at 9:26am by starvingxartist

You need to keep up on your landscaping

#32 - On 08/04/2009 at 9:27am by xavierdevoy

I don't get those who criticize you for telling your gf that you're mowing your lawn. she calls, asks 'wacha doin'? You answer" I'm mowing my lawn" it's not as if everyone has to have brilliant topics of conversation on their mind at a moments notice. I think your life is fucked because she complains about your pubes. so what if they get caught. it's part of life. sheesh!

#33 - On 08/04/2009 at 9:30am by Qup

If pubes getting caught in your mouth are a normal part of your life I sincerely pity you.

#73 - On 08/04/2009 at 1:48pm by bmach

Why is that an FML? That's completely normal that each one in a couple has to change some things to satisfy the other one. Shave your bush and live happily ever after.

#34 - On 08/04/2009 at 9:39am by DrMorbid

You make her go down on you and you leave a giant bush for her to gag on? YDI, for shame.

#35 - On 08/04/2009 at 9:51am by burnquist764

Who says he MAKES her do it? I feel bad for any girlfriend you have, for you thinking you can make her do something like that.

#38 - On 08/04/2009 at 10:13am by Cerataphora

That's retarded...she probably WANTED to do it despite the fact that he doesn't trim or shave because she...umm...LOVES him?!

#57 - On 08/04/2009 at 12:25pm by Puolukka

yeah bro u need to keep up on your manscaping more and your landscaping less.

#36 - On 08/04/2009 at 9:53am by _THE_MASTER_

i tell my girlfriend when im doing chores...

#39 - On 08/04/2009 at 10:20am by william0090

Tells me two things: one, you really need to trim the pubes, and two, she clearly had her mind in the gutter, so i hope you did what she wanted and went and got some.

#40 - On 08/04/2009 at 10:26am by yowzerz

hey at least he gets head!

#43 - On 08/04/2009 at 10:59am by chexmixbmx

I don't see your logic.

#46 - On 08/04/2009 at 11:29am by lmmmr

ydi for not shaving that bush. and that's kinda gross.

#45 - On 08/04/2009 at 11:18am by blackberry1993

You're girlfriend is a perv

#47 - On 08/04/2009 at 11:30am by acranine11

Your

#52 - On 08/04/2009 at 11:55am by deathbunny256

That yucky.

#50 - On 08/04/2009 at 11:52am by deathbunny256

I'm not sure how pubes are gross...they're natural. Anytime I see shaved pubes my first thought is that the person had crabs and had to shave it all. Or that they had chemo and lost them all. To my eyes, shaved pubes make me wonder about your health or make me wonder why you're trying to look like a little kid down there, which is just creepy. Yeah, I said it, I think shaved pubes are creepy. Especially if the guy has body hair everywhere else but shaved pubes...then it just looks stupid.

Plus, what is it with these "YDI for having a small dick" responses? How can a person help having a small dick? It's not like you can send it back or go out and get a replacement. There are penis-enlargement products out there but they're snake oil...they don't work. And dick size has little to do with how good a lover you are.

At any rate, if this guy's girlfriend wants him to shave, and he's willing, fine. But he shouldn't feel bad or embarrassed for having what nature gave him.

#51 - On 08/04/2009 at 11:54am by Vagrarian

Are you one of those girls who never shaves any of her body hair because you believe its unnatural? There are so many things that humans do that can be considered unnatural, body hair should be the least of your worries.

For me shaven hair shows that a person groomed and taking care of themselves well.

#64 - On 08/04/2009 at 1:09pm by UncleverName_FYL

i don't shave to "look like a little kid," and i wish people would quit making that assumption. i don't associate a hairless pussy with a juvenile, i associate with proper hygiene. i shave that shit because it is AWFUL to deal with during a certain week out of the month and frankly i just don't like pubes. just because something is natural doesn't mean it can't be gross.

#69 - On 08/04/2009 at 1:30pm by diet_otaku

I feel like naked looks like a little kid too. However, hair in your mouth is nasty.

You don't have to shave it all off, you just need to trim it up so its not a jungle. Voila, you look old enough for sex but arnt nasty.

#70 - On 08/04/2009 at 1:32pm by willothwisp

Shaving and trimming are two different things. Maybe he just needs to breakout the scissors and trim a little. His girlfriend never said he needed to shave, just that his pubes were getting caught in her teeth...

I'm sure that the OP would prefer his girlfriend at least trim her pubes when he's going down on her, then for him to have to choke on her hair.

#71 - On 08/04/2009 at 1:32pm by 56578

No, actually, I'm a guy. And I'm gay. And...well, let's just say I've never had complaints or people telling me to trim or shave.

But I've known a number of people who have lost their pubes because of one health problem or another, from crabs to chemo, so when I see someone with totally shaved pubes, I can't help but wonder exactly what they're suffering from. To me, it just looks unhealthy. Maybe that's just my individual reaction.

People have gone down on each other for centuries before this and only now are people saying that they need to shave. Or "trim." (We don't know what the OP's girlfriend wants.) This is a recent trend, and you can bet folks are making money off of it (like those folks selling "body trimmers"). I've heard people say that shaving "makes it look bigger" but looking bigger and being bigger are two different things...it's like padding your bathing suit. Sure, it may look bigger, but when it comes to the down'n'dirty, nothing's changed.

Plus, when the stubble comes in, that's a freakin' pain. Trimming is one thing, but total shaving is too much of a bother.

#76 - On 08/04/2009 at 1:54pm by Vagrarian

Spoken like a saint. It's not the size that counts; it's how it's used!

#142 - On 11/04/2009 at 5:31pm by scott_m319

Mow your other lawn while your at it, obviously. 

#53 - On 08/04/2009 at 11:55am by elsieenchanted

hey manscaping shouldn't be outta the question... just keep it down there

#54 - On 08/04/2009 at 11:56am by Freed0mfr1es

Ew oh my god I'm gonna throw up. Pubes getting stuck in a girls teeth. (gag) But yeah, shave that shit if you know she likes to stick her mouth on it. If you don't want to then she should stop giving you blowjobs and you can just deal with it. Done and done.

#56 - On 08/04/2009 at 12:05pm by Tarynkd

How the freak is this an FML?!

#58 - On 08/04/2009 at 12:37pm by CallMeTheHunter

Because its embarrassing and he just found out his gf finds his crotch gross?

Granted, its a simple fix.

#63 - On 08/04/2009 at 1:08pm by romaunts

Disgusting

#59 - On 08/04/2009 at 12:40pm by 1234five

Why did you tell her that, anyways?

Buuuut, yeah. ew. Trim that shit. It really does get irritating and inconvenient. Be considerate. At least you know she wants you to now, so its not all bad.

Just take care of it, and she'll enjoy going dowwwn even more. Maybe even do it more often. :)

#62 - On 08/04/2009 at 1:05pm by romaunts

Wow...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

#72 - On 08/04/2009 at 1:36pm by hottiegurl

eww ewww EWW!

#74 - On 08/04/2009 at 1:49pm by inu

So what?
Grab some scissors, trim it down - and while you are at it, wash your jewels.

#77 - On 08/04/2009 at 1:58pm by amlethus

Newsflash....EVERY guy has hair down there, unless they're children.

Plus shaving it is a problem because some guys have to shave it every day because the stubble is so uncomfortable.

And from what I understand, lots of girls like pubes, and a lot even like 'em untrimmed.

#103 - On 08/04/2009 at 7:28pm by Vagrarian

Why would you tell her that your mowing the lawn. That's like texting her at 11:00 at night:
I'm going to brush my teeth.

YDI

#82 - On 08/04/2009 at 2:49pm by Ketz

ya, why would you randomly text her saying your mowing the lawn? I call bull crap on this fml, srry. and also I always get rid of my lawn, its disgusting and its uncomfortably annoying

#83 - On 08/04/2009 at 3:00pm by xxstealthxx

So was she.

#84 - On 08/04/2009 at 3:22pm by Leaveittosteven

Oh, wow.
Maybe she texted him and asked what he was doing?
I don't mind it at all when guys have hair down there.

#85 - On 08/04/2009 at 3:39pm by OhGoth

YDI for not mowing YOUR lawn - because come on do we HAVE to remind u of that too

#86 - On 08/04/2009 at 4:15pm by notlovingit

This does not sound real =P

#89 - On 08/04/2009 at 4:57pm by efwiz

Unless the grass in the lawn outside your house is really, really tall...

#90 - On 08/04/2009 at 4:59pm by Bombercules

SO SHAVE YOUR FUCKIN BUSH

#91 - On 08/04/2009 at 5:17pm by canada224

hahaha
that's pretty preverted if she assumed that

#93 - On 08/04/2009 at 5:34pm by beaniebabe

ahahahahahahah, grossest FML i've read this month.

#95 - On 08/04/2009 at 6:19pm by sheilatothemoon_

I am male and trim my pubes, I don't shave them bald but a nice trim every so often is great, its not cool having a jungle down there.

#97 - On 08/04/2009 at 6:41pm by Copilot

ew your girlfriend is weird. i hate when guys shave their pubes, its gotta be the biggest turnoff ever.

#98 - On 08/04/2009 at 6:49pm by dg72592

every man should trim their pubs man, i mean it makes your dong look bigger too, lmao thats so funny that your girl said that though

#102 - On 08/04/2009 at 6:59pm by fmh123

Looking bigger doesn't actually make it bigger. It's like padding in a woman's bra...sure, they look bigger, but when you get down to it, it doesn't change a thing.

#104 - On 08/04/2009 at 7:30pm by Vagrarian

Caught in her teeth??? Either she can deep throat, or your little man is quite small....

#106 - On 08/04/2009 at 8:12pm by misterman2

that or hes real hairy

#111 - On 08/04/2009 at 10:24pm by zomgroflmao

I like where her mind is.

#108 - On 08/04/2009 at 8:23pm by smpat04

that took me a good 5 minutes to figure out what she was talking about and i'm 17. ROFL!!!!!!!!!

#109 - On 08/04/2009 at 8:46pm by ziqi92

uhmm. that's pretty gross .

#110 - On 08/04/2009 at 9:44pm by emmexox

Haha, I moderated this one. Funny stuff

#112 - On 08/04/2009 at 11:00pm by nephewsam

your gf has a dirty mind, haha

#113 - On 08/04/2009 at 11:21pm by AlexZB

that was weird

#114 - On 08/04/2009 at 11:42pm by izzybodeen

I know this is probably a case of the OP's gf using poor word choice.....but caught in her teeth? Really? Am I the only one to notice that? The only way anything gets caught in your teeth is if you're chewing something. If she's really getting his pubic hair caught in her teeth then either the OP is in to some super kinky shit, or he has a bubble yum penis OM NOM NOM NOM lol (no homo) :D

#117 - On 08/04/2009 at 11:54pm by razzumfrazzum

#117 ....SO TRUE!!
how the fuck can it get caught in her teeth?????.... does she chew on your dick? Or has she got a bent set of teeth?
u need to dump that bitch

#127 - On 08/05/2009 at 7:45am by Funky_T

why would you txt someone just to tell your mowing your lawn?

#118 - On 08/05/2009 at 12:40am by ful

Jesus, that shit's gross! Mow hers then.

#119 - On 08/05/2009 at 1:08am by frannytrois64

I bet you're glad you didn't tell her that you were cutting some wood.

#120 - On 08/05/2009 at 1:58am by doof_fisch

FUCKIN' NASTY.

#122 - On 08/05/2009 at 3:43am by tonia

OMG This is one of the funniest FMLs yet!

#123 - On 08/05/2009 at 3:58am by OhhandyT

#123 FTW.

#128 - On 08/05/2009 at 9:44am by toosoonbreh

I don't think most men should trim their pubic hair, but still: how is this an fml? Now you know what she likes so you can choose wether or not you'll do it, right?

#129 - On 08/05/2009 at 9:52am by lettertjes

uuum i think YDI for not "mowing your lawn". thats gross.

#130 - On 08/05/2009 at 10:28am by fickdich

...ewwwww.

#131 - On 08/05/2009 at 1:50pm by fillmyheart028

YDI because that's what you get for sending inane text messages to your girlfriend.

#132 - On 08/05/2009 at 3:40pm by Liam_Vile

OWNED

#134 - On 08/05/2009 at 4:59pm by Jem0_0

time to shave !
and why are you texting your gf about moaning the lawn?...

#136 - On 08/05/2009 at 7:52pm by laurie1094

Hahahahaha "moaning the lawn." fail.

#137 - On 08/06/2009 at 2:01am by Blutant

Did you even think before texting that? Maybe you shouldn't have said that's what you were doing or else you get into "that's what he said!"

#138 - On 08/06/2009 at 2:01am by wellthatsucks

Your girlfriend has some gaps!

#140 - On 08/07/2009 at 12:38am by spillproof

Haha damn that's funny

#141 - On 09/07/2009 at 8:23pm by Honda288

People, please, how can you possibly tell someone that you're mowing the lawn without risking it being misunderstood? Cutting the grass? Trimming the bushes? Landscaping? It sounds dirty no matter how you phrase it, so it obviously wasn't poor word choice; his gf's mind is just in the gutter.

And you can't really blame the OP for not trimming sooner, because it sounds like this complaint from his gf was the first he heard about it. It's an easy fix, though...

#143 - On 11/04/2009 at 5:38pm by scott_m319

soooooo. . . did you get the hint and shave them or what?

#144 - On 12/23/2009 at 5:02am by michelleyily

Trim yow bush foo!

#145 - On 02/22/2010 at 2:30pm by BlendingUnicorns

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