Today, my dad tore my room apart for the second time, looking for drug-making equipment. His reasoning is that I must be dealing drugs, because I'm a chemistry major who likes to watch Breaking Bad. FML
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Today, my mom and step-dad tore my room apart looking for the stash of drugs they thought I had. I've never touched drugs in my life, and I guess they believe me now. Didn't stop them from making me clean up the mess they made, though. FML
Today, my boyfriend suggested that we become "drug dealers" because I'm a chemistry student and he's seen a few episodes of Breaking Bad. FML
Today, my psychotic step-dad asked me if I'm doing drugs. I replied with a massive amount of sarcasm: "Yeah, all of 'em. Especially meth." He flipped out, searched my room top to bottom, then grounded me "for good" until I tell him where I hid the supposed drugs. FML
Today, I came home to find my room completely torn apart. My mom and dad start yelling at me asking me why I am doing drugs because she found a tiny baggie on the floor. It was the little bag that spare buttons come in when you buy a dress shirt. FML
Today, I found out that the only reason my parents have been letting me hang out with my friends so late is so they can search my room for drugs. FML
Today, my dad sat me down and angrily accused me of doing drugs, all because he's noticed I've recently become a lot more energetic and emotional than usual. The truth is, I'd been smoking weed daily for 3 years and just decided to never smoke it again 2 weeks ago. FML
Today, my house was raided for drugs. I had to find out my father is a drug dealer. The cops then told me this wasn't their first time here, but it was the first time I was home to see it. They said it was nice to finally meet me. FML
Today, I came home from school to find almost every single personal possession and piece of furniture from my bedroom all laid out or disassembled in the back yard. My dad smugly told me I'd better start moving it all back. This is his revenge for me salting his coffee this morning. FML
Today, my dad heard that the guy who bullied me at school died recently of a drug overdose. For some reason, he thinks we were actually best friends, and thinks I'm doing drugs too. I'm now not allowed out of the house except to go to school. He won't listen to a word I say. FML
Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML
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Top comments
darwinism 30
Next time stay in the doorway and keep saying "cold, cold, warmer, warmer, cold again" just to freak him out.
slooby_fml 25
My mom thought I was gay because I watch Glee. Turns out she was right
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Comments (109)
CaptNomNom 17
Paranoid much?
BntyHntrSeattle 30
Na.
Welshite 39
#19: What does sodium have to do with the FML?
BntyHntrSeattle 30
Chemistry major.
CallMeMcFeelii 13
He's just paranoid from all that meth he's been smoking. Shit will make ya think the Men In Black are breaking down your doors to snatch your alien cat away. Then when they do get the cat you chase them four blocks back to their hideout and try to jimmy your way back in. When you finally get it you realize they have so many cats! You search and search but you can't find your alien kitty! Someone taps you on the shoulder and asks you what you're doing, but you know they're just trying to trap you in one of their cages, so you free all the cats and rip off your shirt, while screaming obscenities at the agent. But one of them has a taser and knocks you out. Next thing ya know, you're in court for breaking into an animal rescue center... Meth not even once, or twice.. Hell the third times the charm, right? Right!?
Welshite 39
#24: Here's a fun little exercise: try to spell your name using the symbols of each element. It's rather interesting when you look at it.
BntyHntrSeattle 30
CallMeMcFeeli
BntyHntrSeattle 30
I don't know what the **** happened to that last reply of mine, but to paraphrase: 25
BntyHntrSeattle 30
Okay. Sorry. My app must be broken.
shanannygians07 28
#25 might have the funniest reply I've ever seen!!
broderickc 13
#51 there's no doubt about it
TheDoctor10 28
But J isn't in the alphabet
mFUNdo21 17
j is in the alphabet. just not the elements
mcardinals74 4
I feel like this is the op whose boyfriend wanted them to start making meth because she was taking chemistry
WellThatSucked89 13
Baha. That sucks. But at least you're a badass...
BntyHntrSeattle 30
SUCH Al BrO
HowieDoIt 21
Better than him thinking you're a zombie from watching the Walking Dead.
fuckedPriceless 17
I'm watching breaking bad as we speak
steve31789 8
Don't show him your confession video yet
corporatescoundr 25
Because Breaking Bad is the definition of Drug Dealing 101. I mean that's where I learned how.
Conn3ct 9
There's a new movie coming out called "How to make money selling drugs". It's very informative. You may wanna check it out.
Thr33to16 8
I was Heisenberg once. Good feeling.
darwinism 30
Next time stay in the doorway and keep saying "cold, cold, warmer, warmer, cold again" just to freak him out.
posie97 18
Hahaha good job:D that's exactly what I would do!!!:D
ravenevercross 19
That's epic. I like the way you torment.
dinagdotphoto 13
Wow, I'm Netflixing BrBa as I'm reading your FML, and just to be fair, at this moment, if i were you, I'd at least be trying it out. :-)
Nordrag 26
idk about most people but breaking bad doesnt make cooking meth sound fun at all to me.
dinagdotphoto 13
It's more like you get involved in that world while watching it.. And i agree, I'm on 2nd season and it's been nothing but scary so far. What i mean, is to have a skill set that "Heisenberg" has would be so interesting, that if it were me, I'd exploit it, at least out of curiosity.
mFUNdo21 17
then get arrested for having a meth lab, seems like a good idea
wallandpiece 16
Provide even more drugs to all the desperate meth addicts on the verge of self destruction? Nice. Got any more bright ideas?
martin8337 35
It might be funny if OP went all Walter White on him.
ryanthecheeseguy 18
It doesn't seem that your dad trusts you. I recommend sitting down and having a talk with your dad.
slooby_fml 25
My mom thought I was gay because I watch Glee. Turns out she was right
IvyOswin 17
9, you are awesome.
slooby_fml 25
Thanks, 72!
grimrepa2007 3
My brothers wife assumes I do drugs because I like to talk about the show. she even tried to get my brother to drug test me.
dread514 11
is he a cop too? wtf! #RandomSneekDrugTest
grimrepa2007 3
no... he just asked me how I felt about it. I said no of course. I live with my brother while I go to college
Zack6849 8
53, Was that hashtag really neccessary? This is FML, not Twitter.