Today, and for the past 38 weeks of my pregnancy, my husband decided to amuse himself by following me around, making whale noises. FML
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Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML
Today, I am 20 weeks pregnant. My fiancé has decided my new nickname will be "Oink Oink". FML
Today, my husband discovered poking me in my belly button makes me have to pee, sometimes it's uncontrollable and happens immediately. He thinks it's hilarious and decided it's his new favorite game. FML
Today, I called my wife from work to check in on her because she's eight months pregnant. She didn't answer. Instead she showed up at my work hysterically crying and screaming, "You don't love me because I'm a fat whale!" She then knocked everything off my desk. FML
Today, my husband wants me to apologize for getting angry when his father told me I'm getting so fat that I look like a whale. I'm not fat, I'm just 8 months pregnant. FML
Today, my husband and I are sick. He keeps whining about how bad he feels. I'm just as sick, as well as 7 months pregnant. I've not only been taking care of his whiny ass: I've cooked, cleaned, and gone to the store several times because the tissues we had were too rough on his nose. FML
Today, I'm 11 weeks pregnant and my husband has taken great glee in the fact that his horrible gas is enough to trigger my morning sickness. We're about to go on a long, 12-hour drive. FML
Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML
Today, my husband has been super happy for the last 11 weeks, as he's been able to tell me what to do, when to do it and how to do it. Now I'm allowed to start work again, he's gone back to being super shitty. FML
Today, I am 10 weeks pregnant and my husband says he needs time for himself. This apparently means he will be romancing and sleeping with other women so he can "relax". FML
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Top comments
tbro47 23
Well if he wants to call you big start calling him small. That would shut him up.
Welshite 39
Just as long as he doesn't have extreme short-term memory loss. Also, you might want to name your child Nemo. It's for the best.
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Comments (83)
Welshite 39
Just as long as he doesn't have extreme short-term memory loss. Also, you might want to name your child Nemo. It's for the best.
martialart1st18 19
No!! You don't speak whale Nemo!!!!
AlaskanG 27
12, dory*
martialart1st18 19
Remember he accidentally called her Nemo because Nemo also can't do a lot of thing because of his messed up fin. So he called we Nemo and it got real awkward
martialart1st18 19
Ok I looked it up and found the exact words. This is copied from Wikipedia [Yelling to Dory, when they are being "swallowed" by the whale] No you can't, you think you can do these things but you can't, Nemo! [stops and gasps] (Marlin said the same to Nemo)
hanner12 13
Wow, that's some dedication there 24
martialart1st18 19
I try
DraconicFeline 31
Heh.. I know that movie so well I could have quoted the exact words without looking them up :P
TourettesGuyFTW 25
Naming the child Jonah would also be a fitting tribute to your husband's mockery.
Patty410 11
Never trust Wikipedia.
tbro47 23
Well if he wants to call you big start calling him small. That would shut him up.
martialart1st18 19
^^this, I like this
Tymaster5 22
You sir are a win.
746278Ab 14
What a jerk!
ThatNutellaTho 6
No .. Not Jerk .. Just a Comedian. Plus He Calls Her whale. She Can Call Him babyCarrot.
1947Chevy 17
38 I wouldn't call it brave so much as stupid.
shaww 28
Whale that... *gets shot*
LinkandSaria 10
Lovin it. Love these puns!
LinkandSaria 10
I am not sure why the people of FML are so serious about everything. They need to lighten up and enjoy these little jokes and puns instead of thumbs down them to oblivion!
trulypar 34
They probably don't get the pun, some people just aren't that smart...:-)
chinaski7628 32
It was an ok pun-- until the 'gets shot' part. If you're going to make a pun, have confidence in it or keep it to yourself.
Jojohn0 23
Whale that's unfortunate
mackdeezy 22
Whale that aint nice... then again, you could tell him where the couch and some blankets are.
_Minato 8
Hopefully this will only last for a little while.
infinitegrace 21
It's not like it's lasted everyday for 38 weeks or anything...
sapphiregirly 11
A little whale,you mean?
leonchen7498 12
Stop using this pun please
ksks1234 33
It should stop any day now if op is 38 weeks along...
LinkandSaria 10
He is probably under pressure too. Good luck OP!
yerawizardlizzy 27
Under pressure from what? Being able to go about his business as normal? Not having something growing inside him? Not being at risk for illnesses and complications pregnancy can cause? Not being affected by hormones and cravings? Sounds difficult.
Harpy20 24
...because men never bitch and moan.
Sniper_Chick4110 20
It was another whatle joke #67. Where did all the people with a sense of humor go?
shorty11272 2
Yeah well dealing with you isnt ****** easy either
False_Stupidity 41
Maybe he wants to be a free willy?
njace 3
asshole
Nilorak 24
Don't you mean "whalehole"?
Hiimhaileypotter 52
Blowhole?