Today, I heard my husband telling his friend that I used to be a skank and was "easier than 1 plus 1" when we first met. I was still a virgin when we got married. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Same thing different taste
To be fair and balanced…
Today, I found out my husband is still friends with someone who talks a lot of crap about me. FML
Today, I married a wonderful man. Even though both of us were no longer virgins, we decided to wait until marriage to sleep together. He just told me I was the worst he's ever had. FML
Loose Women
Today, according to my husband of many years, he was actually planning to ghost me after our boring first date. It was only the fact that I shagged him senseless that night that kept him around long enough for us to actually get to know each other. Hooray for me being a "loose slut" back in 1998. FML
Lies and slander
Today, I got married. During the reception my husband got drunk and told 200+ people that we met at a dingy bar and that we "totally banged" all night. I don't know what's worse, the fact he embarrassed me in front of everyone I know, or if it was that that was not how we met. Not even close. FML
Lazy ass
Today, my husband called me a nympho after I told him I'd ideally like us to have sex more than once a month. FML
He goes to a different school
Today, at work during lunch, a bunch of the girls were talking about their husbands and boyfriends and sex stuff. I unfortunately got involved and basically made shit up and lied my ass off because no way would they believe I’m a virgin at 37, who last had a boyfriend in high school. FML
Today, I had the crap beaten out of me by a woman in the street, who accused me of sleeping with her husband. I still don't know who she or her husband are, and I'm still a virgin. FML
Impossible
Today, I ran into an old high school friend while out with my husband. When she inquired who I was married to, I pointed to my husband, who was looking at shirts. She laughed and said, "No really?", insinuating that I couldn't get anyone that good looking. FML
Today, I met an old friend, who accidentally revealed he once met my wife in a club. They were both drunk and she let him have anal sex with her for a fiver in a club toilet. FML
Today, my constant bragging to friends caught up with me, and everyone believes I'm a swinger. Because of this, no girl wants to go out with me, in case they become just another notch under my belt. The truth is, I'm still a virgin. FML
Top comments
Druu 53
He's sleeping on the couch tonight. Foregone conclusion. Easier than 1+1.
Wizardo 33
Seems like he was trying to act like a big boy in front of his friends, tell his mother and then see what happens, prick.
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Comments (140)
cjack188 13
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
What a horrible thing to say! Dump his pathetic arse...
CammyGal 26
It's not that easy to just "dump" someone when they're your spouse.
fluffypigeon 8
#1- If you dumped someone from your life whenever they said something stupid or arrogant, you would have no friends. But have a stern word with him OP!
LeeCards 8
You know, FML staff should just copy and paste this response to every single relationship FML because this is always the #1 answer.
lilhellian 26
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Sometimes it really is the best answer.
evilplatypus 38
53 - Or they could add it to the list of banned comments (such as "first" or "this isn't an FML"), for the sake of those of us who are well and truly sick of this response to each and every rough patch couples run into.
lilhellian 26
65, Look at the fml above this. Is that not an fml where it would work?
smavaddat12 12
68, No!
yetanotherginger 19
#73, yes! Assuming you realise that #68 was referring to the previous FML, and was saying that a woman lying about birth control to trick the other OP into being parent is divorce-worthy.
gracehi 31
This incident alone probably isn't enough to warrant a divorce, but I can't imagine that a man who speaks about his wife in such a way has any respect for her or treats her well. My ex husband used to tell his friends lies about me too. He'd say that I cheated on him, which I hadn't, so that they'd have sympathy for him and not rat him out about his numerous girlfriends. In the end, though, they saw him for the lying asshole he was and turned their backs on him, and, needless to say, so did I. The behavior of OP's husband is likely a manifestation of a deeper problem in his heart and in their marriage. I think divorce is something OP should consider. She may find that she's much happier without her husband. I also don't doubt that if she does decide to divorce him that she'll be able to find a new husband who treats her better and shows her respect.
AestheticGuy 21
You deserve it OP for not having sex until you got married, thats kinda sad.
Druu 53
He's sleeping on the couch tonight. Foregone conclusion. Easier than 1+1.
SweetJTBR 22
I don't know about you, but I love sleeping on my couch... X3
GoodLookingGeese 10
Maybe this math is way too hard for him. Once I saw my employee adding 4+8 in google. When I confronted him about it, he said he just wanted to make sure. I lost my faith in humanity.
Druu 53
Faith in humanity is unjustified.
chezgigi 7
For goodness' sake, why? Sometimes, I can't remember my own telephone number, much less basic math-
tjv3 10
Wow talk about a total lack of respect for you.
cathyfang1533 12
86 - So your phone number is more important than knowing the basic concepts of math?
imaxmain 24
i see a divorce in the future
euphoricness 28
And now I see why divorce rates are so high, if you really think this is a valid reason to foresee a divorce
MzZombicidal 36
I see lonely years in your future.
RoseBlack123 37
This isn't a reason for a divorce, ya know, just a long talk.
SmilieAKD 20
#4 may not be far off. With out more info I couldn't say if this was just a stupid & thoughtless comment or a continuation of deeper abuse. For all we know he makes comments like about his wife all the time, maybe even to het face. I find the fact that he would demean her in such a manner concerning. Without more information about how he normally treats her or talks about her to other people I can't really say.
TheRandomIndian 17
I see less sex in his near future.
SkyGuy32 17
That ALONE isn't reason for divorce. If that is what OP's husband is normally like, then after a while it could stack up against him.
naxeeb 33
He's a douche for saying something like that about his wife!
timmy257 8
Men will be men.
RayneSmytson 24
The comments someone makes has no relevance to their gender, and to write it off as "men will be men" or "boys will be boys" just gives a free pass to poor behaviour and abuse for which there should be no excuse. Everyone is responsible for their own actions, and gender never excuses that responsibility.
JoeGrant 12
Confront him. That's messed up!
expertsmilee 26
1 + 1 = 1 on a bun
hashshim 23
wut?
expertsmilee 26
Ed, edd, and eddy
Wizardo 33
Seems like he was trying to act like a big boy in front of his friends, tell his mother and then see what happens, prick.
Druu 53
That doesn't play well into the male conquest storyline that seems so popular with men though - "oh yeah, I got with the easy chick!"
OhDearBetrayal 25
Maybe his friend said something along the lines of she's attractive and the husband thought that to lower her appeal he would say that she was easy?
Wizardo 33
#34, that is the most ridiculous thing I've heard in a while, if he wanted his friend to lean off his wife then he would tell him straight up and threaten to deck him next time he said anything like that, not by demeaning and slagging off his wife. Seriously wth.
nightbirdblue 27
Maybe he was trying to infer that out of the imaginary men OP has been with that he was the one she stayed with, thus inferring that he must have a large penis and/or he is quite skilled in sex.
stanjohnson 11
How would convincing his friends he married an easy ***** make him look big to his friends? If one of my friends told me his wife was a ***** I would first off look down on him for talking about his wife that way, them for marrying someone like that.
Nolimit2217 32
How can husbands talk about their wives that way?! Sorry Op..
flashback.miss 28
Then you gave the math problem; him-two testicles, right? Sounds like you married an immature douchebag who apparently is low enough to slander his wife's name to feel powerful. My condolences.
jw90 18
What an ass.
berichsoon 11
Me too, I do butt flexes on my leg day.
MzZombicidal 36
I'm not an ass, I'm a horse!
deepunder 17
I'm not an ass, I'm a donkey. I can move for a long time unlike a horse! Horses can run 60mph, I can walk 60 miles.
MzZombicidal 36
#110, a donkey is also referred to as an ass. :|