Today, my girlfriend and I were outside tanning in the sun. I asked her if she could put some sunscreen on my back. Thinking it would be funny, she used the lotion to write "I Love Little Boys". I work as a children's swimming instructor. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend and I went to the beach. I though he was being really sweet by putting sunscreen on my back as I layed on my stomach. I got home later, and felt that my back was sore. Then I saw the giant penis on my back that been burnt in. FML
Today, I went to my local pool. I lay down in a chair and started tanning. About 30 minutes later, a lady came up to me and said, "Put that away, you pervert, there are children here!" I had a hole in my pants and my penis had started to poke through. FML
Today, I was at Bath and Body Works with a friend of mine. She wanted me to smell a particular lotion and when she brought it up to my nose, she squeezed the bottle and lotion went all over my face. Right after, a worker came by and commented how the lotion "got a little too excited". FML
Today, I gave my sister some Lubriderm for a skin condition we share. While she was applying the lotion I joking said, "Wouldn't it be funny if it made it worse?" Guess who got punched in the face, twice, because it did. FML
Today, I was badly sunburnt even after making it a point to apply a lot of sunscreen. My coworkers thought it amusing to slap me every chance they get. FML
Today, I was tanning by the pool. My friend put his arms under my back and knees and picked me up. He threw me across the kiddy pool to my boyfriend, shouting "Catch!" My boyfriend didn't catch me. Instead of a tan, I have a huge bruise. FML
Today, I got a text from my girlfriend that she was tanning naked. I replied saying I wished I was there to make tanning more fun. She replied saying that its ok because Kevin was there. My girlfriend was tanning naked with another guy over. FML
Today, I was at the beach and fell asleep in the sun. When I woke up, there was a blob of sunscreen on my leg. Thinking it was my boyfriend who was sweet enough to squeeze sunscreen for me, I rubbed it into my leg. After smelling my hands, I discovered it was bird poop. FML
Today, while working my job as a swim instructor, my coworker sprayed me with the hose. I instinctively held up what I was holding to block the cold water. I was holding a 4 year-old. FML
Today, I was teaching swim lessons. I got felt up by a 6 year-old boy. Three times. FML
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Top comments
Jaxro 6
Your girlfriend must be made of pure win, that's hilarious. Just wear a shirt..
3ree 0
if its on your back, clearly you couldnt write it on yourself.
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Comments (134)
amelinat 0
Child abuse jokes are always always in poor taste, your girl friend must have a sick sense of humor. Even if your job wasnt working with children it is still a very bad joke.
skyler_kitttyyy 0
sorry dude...... she is a really under clased girl I guess wear a wet suit top and then breake up with her and maby one day u could have a laugh
rosary143 1
Geez calm down it was a joke its not like she ment it, and its not nesesery for them to break up, and if your insulted by that then you shouldn't be on fml
wpolo02 7
What are you gay? They're really funny!
beechy1996 0
Did any parents see it and think WTF?!
carmel 0
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Ohh, nicee girlfriend. Some of the stupid parents might have even thought it meant you loved little kids and you are great with children? :D You should have just rubbed it in anyway.
Jaxro 6
Your girlfriend must be made of pure win, that's hilarious. Just wear a shirt..
writergirl69 0
if you have to get in the water, get a one-piece
xovollyball11 3
^ he's a guy
Kitten_love 22
Most women swim teachers have to wear a one piece anyways so that it's family friendly. Just saying.
hk_fml 9
xD I think that'd be hilarious if you didnt work with little boys, I mean their parents are going to see it and it's only going to make you look reallllyyy suspicious
DeeJayD 0
I'd suggest wearing something like a wetsuit shirt in the pool until it goes away. If anyone asks, just tell them what happened. Providing they're not completely ******* stupid, they should understand.
SpunkT 0
Wow, your girlfriend sucks.
BigMacBoi 3
HIS COCKKK ;P
3ree 0
if its on your back, clearly you couldnt write it on yourself.
AntiChrist7 0
your girlfriend is either stupid or sick. YDI
trynightday 0
Today, I took my two sons, aged 7 and 11, to the local swimming pool. When the swimming instructor turned around, I saw that he had 'I Love Little Boys' burned into his back. FML. Nah, no one's gunna take it seriously. If you DID love little boys, I'm sure you'd be a little more subtle than that.
badbe 0
ydi for ending a FML with a period
vhivfe 3
YDI for not capitalizing YDI and for putting "a" instead of "an" before FML