Today, my husband jokingly told my daughter when she passes gas in public, she needed to blame it on the fattest and ugliest person there. We went shopping after and she let a HUGE fart out. She gasped, "Mommy!" FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was at the local grocery store. I've had really bad gas lately, and I accidentally let one go while standing in line. The woman behind me thought it was her kid, and smacked him for farting in public. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store with my dad. He let out a very silent but foul abomination of a fart. The people behind us started gagging, so he turned, pointed at me and said, "That was my daughter." FML
Today, I accidentally farted while shopping. There was an awkward silence followed by a god-awful stink and a lady's little girl bursting into tears. FML
Today, I was working at a children's play centre, and my stomach was twisting and turning. Thinking no one was around, I let out a small fart, only to turn and see a little girl running to her mom, yelling, "Mommy! Mommy! That lady just farted and it sounded like daddy!" FML
Today, my husband and I were at the mall, and decided to have a snack at the food court. As we ate, an obese woman squeezed past our table, butt facing us. Just when her ass-cheeks slid past our heads, she let out a horrific fart that my father would be proud of. FML
Today, I was at Walmart with my mom when a guy next to me let out a series of vicious farts. Assuming it was me, my mom chewed me out in front of the guy and made me apologize. The man looked at my mom and said, "Children, they're so immature." FML
Today, while at the grocery store an elderly woman farted very loudly next to me. Everyone in the aisle looked our way. The woman pointed at me, and left the aisle. I received many disgusted looks from children and their parents. FML
Today, I accidentally let out a silent but obscenely deadly fart in the doctor's waiting room. It was so foul that a woman got insanely pissed at her kid because she thought he'd shat his pants again. FML
Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML
Today, while standing in line at the store, I thought I could let a small fart slip and blame it on the guy behind me. I did it, then turned to glare at him in disgust, only for him to turn and yell at the crowd, “This bitch farted, not me!” FML
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Top comments
BntyHntrSeattle 30
There are so many things wrong with this. Sorry.
nix1993 41
Say nothing, stay completely calm, lull her into a false sense of security. Then go home and dutch oven the little brat.
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Comments (102)
BntyHntrSeattle 30
There are so many things wrong with this. Sorry.
happyforever 15
Agreed. Such as why the father would even make a joke like that in the first place. Little kids believe what their parents tell them.
HKCgrimmjow 15
But the funny part is children like that haven't developed empathy yet... So it's not like she's lying, in her opinion she is the fattest a and ugliest... Bet she's pretty pissed at the husband now!
FracturedMinds 21
Not entirely sure why the lack if empathy is funny in this case, but to each their own. I pictured the OPs kid as mid-late teens for some reason... Either way, the mother may just be the only one around, you don't know if they are in a isle alone or not. Regardless, it was a rude thing to say.
wellthen7154 12
Yea, OP should have called her husband out on the joke right away, and told her daughter that she shouldn't do that. Though I do think OP could've prevented this, it's not a complete YDI because her daughter might have done it anyway. That was a pretty cruel joke to make on your daughter and husband's part OP. Sorry.
Bruflot 7
#53, don't come here and be open minded with a reasonable explanation. This is FML, where we jump to conclusions and where you should break up with your SO for anything that he/she may do.
FracturedMinds 21
fair enough lol. I've lurked long enough I should know that by now. My apologies.
chosha_fml 26
#70 Agreed. The one that I see all the time lately is people writing 'draws' when they mean 'drawers,' as in chest of drawers. Drives me nuts.
Krystal3408 32
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I think that's a message to turn things around, OP. Sorry you had to find out this way.
Grayness_ 26
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Time to go to gym :)
ohSNAPyall 26
It's also a sign that your husband is a jerk.
leary96 15
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
It's not the husbands fault that their daughter is insensitive.
MortenM 17
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Yea, op should probably try that gym or exersice thing. and talk to her daughter & husbond
FangirlingAlways 14
66 The daughter is probably pretty young and doesn't understand that words can hurt. If she is under 6, in my opinion that isn't insensitive. OP's kid probably doesn't know better.
SillyGirl4602 23
Yes #2. That totally excuses her daughter for being insensitive and rude. It doesn't matter if op is overweight or not. Her daughter needs to learn that saying certain things can hurt people's feelings.
elibel 16
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Ouch.. She was probably just playing around :) you know how kids are..
BntyHntrSeattle 30
... is not a word that should be used. Ever.
a_wiener_d0g 15
You commented "swag" then edited your comment, you are the worst kind of person..
skellingtonfart 18
I think you're mistaken, kids are painfully truthful.
elibel 16
Why did I even get buried..
Sports_guy3 28
Just 'cause.
ksks1234 33
37-- see #14...
Aweh_Olivia 13
Yeah and kids are known for being extremely honest
coolster5000 22
Ur a fgt
Yewufeefef 12
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Tell her to say it to dad next time :D Petty Revenge at it's finest.
Rainhawk94 27
That's what it is petty. Not even worth it
xXKGBxBRIXx 6
I was at a hotel by a pool and some lady had huge fart and then moved the chair on the ground to make a sound in hopes that that's what we thought it was
jazzy_123 20
my cousin was in class and a fart accidentally slipped out. So she pushed the chair back right after in hopes that everyone thought it was the chair to make that noise.
FracturedMinds 21
A guy fell asleep during the SAT that I was in. Leaned back in his chair, which was one of those shitty plastic ones attached to the desk. Leaned back a little too far. Launched him face first into the table. As he hit he let out a massive fart. At least he didn't try pinning it on anyone.
SS 31
Well these are all gassy situations!
Blink_me26 21
And when your chair makes a farting noise you have to do it again in the hopes that people will know that it was the chair not a fart.
a_wiener_d0g 15
She's learning to blame her mistakes on other people, she's gonna do well when she grows up.
noporcru 6
yeah like you did so well if you think farting is a 'mistake' wth is wrong with that its not a mistake or soemthing she did wrong it happens jeez.
Mshrodes 13
Noporcru, have a Snickers.
ryan1268 18
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
maybe its one of those family jokes she prob dident mean it. Dont take it to heart OP.
nix1993 41
Say nothing, stay completely calm, lull her into a false sense of security. Then go home and dutch oven the little brat.
Kukurugya 11
This was the best comment I read all day.
FracturedMinds 21
Agreed. One of the better comments I've seen today. Love the mental image as well.
mrhe3t 9
#9. What does "dutch oven" mean in this context? It sounds cool.
nix1993 41
Dutch oven is where you hold someone under the duvet and fart, so they're trapped in there with the smell.
TallMist 32
Yep. Punish the kid for doing what her dad told her to do! Best advice ever! No, but seriously. If the kid is young enough, it could very well be OP's husband's fault for even saying that to an impressionable little girl. Ever think the little girl might not even realise that he was joking? Why does everyone expect even the youngest of children to have the mentality of a 40 year old?
_jennifermarie_ 6
I hope you told her how you felt and she apologized. That was rude for her father to tell her as well; FYL OP, that's horrible.
juststephhere 23
Children are so cruel sometimes! Sorry op!