Today, I found out why my daughter eats so many sugary baked goods. According to her, when you bake things, all the sugar and calories are "released" and so you can't gain weight from it. It seems I raised a moron. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I found out that my obese son, who is on a health-mandated diet and exercise plan, gorges on junk food whenever he has the chance. His logic? "It won't make you fatter if you crap it out." FML
Today, I found out my mom intentionally puts extra butter and oil in the food she cooks for me because she wants me to be fatter than her. FML
Today, I discovered a drawer full of chocolates, cookies and baked goods in my house. When I asked my sister what the drawer was, she told me that my mom thought it would be a good idea to hide the fattening foods from me. My entire family had known about the food drawer, except me. FML
Today, I found out my boyfriend's mother has invented a new kind of cake and named it after me: not because it's delicious, but because of the amount of fat in it. FML
Today, my sister called me a moron after I told her that no, healthy foods do not give you "negative calories". She's 21 and goes around telling everyone that she's an expert nutritionist. FML
Today, I bought myself a Crumbl cookie as a treat for losing 20lbs. Upon seeing it, my mom screamed at me for cheating on my diet and how I was going to "gain all the weight back" and insisted she eat some of it to "help me out." She left behind a tiny morsel of the cookie with a chocolate chip chunk. FML
Today, I caught my mother-in-law filling my one-year-old's cup with Dr. Pepper. When I flipped out, she told me I was overreacting since "all her kids turned out fine." Save for my husband, all her kids are morbidly obese diabetics who’ve struggled with poor diets. She herself is almost 450 lbs. FML
Today, I had to explain to my seventeen year-old daughter that deep frying food doesn't "melt the calories." FML
Today, I woke up early and spent hours baking and icing a three-tier cake for my friend's eighteenth birthday, which is this evening. I just found out my mother threw it in the compost bin because she's on a diet and it was "tempting" her. FML
Today, my 13-year-old daughter excitedly told me about a new diet she read about online. Apparently, the diet entirely consists of bottled water and a mixture of food coloring. The food coloring "takes care of all that vitamin and mineral stuff." My daughter is an idiot. FML
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Top comments
amandathecreator 22
I think she's confused with cooking food to kill bacteria ! Hahahah she's needs to take a nutrition class , poor girl
SirTalkaton 22
We have the cure for obesity, just bake everything! Hooray!
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Comments (54)
amandathecreator 22
I think she's confused with cooking food to kill bacteria ! Hahahah she's needs to take a nutrition class , poor girl
lordslaya53 14
I think she's really baked and her IQ is being "released"
JennaNGood 21
I think she's really confused because in Science classes you learn that (and I don't remember the EXACT thing so don't crucify me) there are certain ways to render things completely valueless, ie. with heat, freezing, etc. she's probably just taken this and ran with it
Gvfell 9
Why the **** would i stake you to a cross because you were incorrect, 49?
Mauskau 35
That's what the FML community does. Make a small mistake and everyone loses it. OP, I hope your daughter stops soon before she becomes huge.
notjanedoe 27
Yeah, I wish.
Jea2096 11
She can dream
SirTalkaton 22
We have the cure for obesity, just bake everything! Hooray!
lazyasn 5
*Facepalm* Faith in humanity -10
nightbirdblue 27
You still have faith in humanity? o.O
Mossears133 15
One dumbass girl does not speak for all of humanity people! -_(
CharresBarkrey 15
Why humanity? She's only harming herself, it's not like she's doing anything bad to others.
FightMyLiger 19
Actually 54, the obese are putting the a huge strain on our healthcare system (see: tax dollars). Also, her stupidity just hurt my brain a little... So yes, she's hurting others.
KayleeT 9
Of course! And didn't you know that if you leave food out in the sun all the fatty stuff melts away so you don't gain weight either?
SMHsohard 22
And if you turn it upside down and shake it, all the calories fall off. Also, there are no calories in food that someone else brings to the party, office, etc.
VeganVampyre 26
And the acts of sharing and taste testing negate the calories, so if you split something with a friend or only have one bite, it doesn't count.
SMHsohard 22
Seriously, when my cousins and I were kids, my dad had them convinced that if you hold food upside down the calories fall off. Made for some interesting family pictures.
ironichalibut 24
Did you know that if you drink a glass of cold water, about 1°C, your body will burn about 17 Calories?
Wizardo 33
What kind of half baked idea is that? Sounds like she has food poisoning... of the mind.
ambitiousnygrl 17
or that she's the one who's baked!
noelasis94 18
Well ill second you there if that's how you feel.
BeccaHugs 17
At least she's not obsessed with eating fried foods? Sorry that's the closest thing to a "bright side" that I can think of here.
OhDearBetrayal 25
Oh yeah, instead of heart disease she'll get a free lifetime diabetes diagnoses along with it! Good times.
RemyX1 7
___[]___ [ [POLICE] wow Shes been playing hooky from Cooking class [ |[#][#]|] [|[ ][o]|] [ [ |[ ][ ]|] [ |[ ][ ]| --------
gameofthrones_fml 12
Regina: I CAN'T GO TO TACO BELL, I'M ON AN ALL-CARB DIET. God, Karen, you are SO stupid!