Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Same thing different taste
Quickshot
Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML
Today, I was about to lose my virginity to my girlfriend, with whom I am genuinely in love. Right after I'd got the condom on, she said, "You do know this is break-up sex, right?" FML
Stud
Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered, "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML
It's sus
Today, I went down on my boyfriend while he was drunk, and he told me to get protection from his bedroom. I came back, he was passed out on the couch. His parents then came into the room after hearing noises. I was sitting there naked holding a condom while he was fast asleep. FML
Today, I was having sex with a girl. After we finish, she tells me she already has a boyfriend, and that his penis is larger than mine. FML
Today, I finally hooked up with the girl of my dreams. We went back to her place, and I explored every inch of her body; luscious lips, hourglass curves, genital warts... The worst part was when she got angry when I refused to continue, shouting, "No wonder you're still a virgin!" FML
Boredom
Today, I was going down on a girl. When I looked up she was texting. FML
Technique
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting intimate, and I gave her a condom to put on me. She tried to open it with her teeth, but ripped it. That was my only condom. I'm now sitting here watching a soap opera with a boner. FML
Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML
Comeback
Today, I was having sex with a girl I really like for the first time. After a while I told her I was about to come. Her response, "Lucky you." FML
Top comments
Steffi3 40
Because obviously going down on someone doesn't count as cheating. Wait...
selfsabotage 4
Wonder how her boyfriend would feel about his girlfriends "loyalty". Sucks to be you dude but if this is the girl of your dreams I would think you know enough about her to know she had a boyfriend.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (198)
lilmslady 11
honestly i do t think she ever planned to sleep with you..... :/ sorry op
lilmslady 11
don't* ugh i hate speeling errors!
AFCCT 7
Oh? You're good at them
ManInTheMachine 19
I think the FML made that abundantly clear.
WhitneyShehan 10
If this was truly your "dream girl," I would suspect you'd know if she'd have a boyfriend. If you did, you're a horrible human being for even participating in these actions. If you didn't, well sucks to be you.
Ermony 3
Your missing a couple grammatical factors yourself.....
Lacist 19
Shit just happens in the heat of the moment. It's harder than you think.
eyepuppy 31
People use "the heat of the moment" as an excuse way too much. It's completely bull****. Be responsible and use you head.
TheBrochure 22
#52 - I can't tell whether you're demonstrating perfect irony intentionally and sarcastically, or inadvertently and genuinely. Either way, just reading your comment makes me cringe.
AKGirlinSD 20
75, thank you! People do not take responsibility for their actions anymore. Cheating should never happen. OP, I hope that you were unaware of her relationship status. A girl that truly likes you won't put you in that type of situation.
PenguinBitch 43
@75 which one?
killinpoptarts 9
This is when you blackmail her into it. She's already made the commitment... Can't back out nos
jmfreee 16
#77, your comment made me smile. I was going to say the same thing.
kristenmg21 10
67, while "heat of the moment" does make it hard, you shouldn't be putting yourself into situations that would cause "heat of the moment." It is also easy to say no and get out.
wellthen7154 12
It sounds like OP may have not known. I think the FML comes from 1) not only not getting to have sex (he kinda was there just to please her, and then well yea...) 2) getting told she's not even single. IF, OP did know, first YOU SUCK OP (quite literally I guess), second I suppose the FML would come from her simply not wanting to cheat.
perdix 29
#1, I think she "called an audible." Either he was so good or so bad at oral, she decided that coitus would be unnecessary or terrible, or both.
etoilenuit 15
He could've meant dream girl as in looks wise, not necessarily that he loved her..
brandoneyez1 25
Either way the logic is funny. I don't blame op, I blame both. 2 to tengo
Gearden 8
@101 I'm pretty sure that would legally be considered rape.
Enslaved 36
With her logic about what's considered "cheating", I'm surprised OP couldn't convince her that it's not really cheating because there's a condom barrier in the way.
Robbieisadowg 16
#109 considering OP didn't get any, he doesn't suck (literally).
lyssgross 16
Just like you! *you're
Welshite 39
Abort, abort, abort!
ziya1999 12
Mission Failed.
SgtAssCheeks 21
It hasn't even launched to start with...
184886837272837 32
If she'll cheat with you she'll cheat on you
shagy_91 8
too late to abort... can't... seem... to take... control
Steffi3 40
Because obviously going down on someone doesn't count as cheating. Wait...
13ky13 20
Eaten ain't cheating?
Kamon97 23
Still kind of a bitch move to lead OP on like that :/
perdix 29
#3, that's right. There's even a President for that. Oops, I mean "precedent" Google "Monica Lewinsky."
HKCgrimmjow 15
^ clearly doesn't understand what's going on
Schizomaniac 24
*repeats 54's comment*
Goblin182 26
You mean, having someone go down on you. Either way, still . . .
Emosafire 10
I helped get this up here XD and I'm sorry bout that
selfsabotage 4
Wonder how her boyfriend would feel about his girlfriends "loyalty". Sucks to be you dude but if this is the girl of your dreams I would think you know enough about her to know she had a boyfriend.
kaablam 17
This statement rings true.
zBLAKEz 23
Lots of people are actually really good at hiding it. He probably didn't know her that well but I have heard of some people dating two different people for months or even years.
AKGirlinSD 20
Plus, most men are known to pick their dream girls base solely on looks. He could have never paid attention to the details in her life. However, this is still not an excuse for what happened.
wellthen7154 12
First I thought the FML read: The girl IN my dreams, so I was kind of confused....
bubblyhayley 16
he should tell her boyfriend!
dachayke 16
#91, I think that's called a stereotype. And besides, in this case, it was clearly the girl who only cared about looks, not OP.
arandomusernameaa 20
#127 ... "Hey, you know your girlfriend? Well I sort of..." That would ... go down ... really well with the boyfriend wouldn't it...
SoapTurtle 7
sucks man
MeepKris 2
Shouldn't be anyone's "dream girl" if she was willing to get in bed with another man. OP deserves better, she's not a fit girlfriend for anyone if she's a cheater.
hatemyluck 15
How do we know if op deserves better? He could have known about the girl's boyfriend and still decided to sleep with her.
MeepKris 2
Without OP stating anything, we don't know for sure. If he didn't, he deserves better. If he did, they're obviously both scum. Hopefully OP isn't that much of a twat to be fine with ruining someone else's relationship. I don't get why people don't realize that if someone is going to cheat with them, the cheater's just going to cheat on them eventually.
Ambient25 24
Am I the only one who thinks she used OP for his tongue?? I dunno, maybe he's Gene Simmons or something...
sempiternal80816 9
Don't you mean Gene Simmons? That dude has an alien's tongue!
jerryj 27
No, I'm pretty sure he meant Gene Simmons.
Ambient25 24
???
OptimusVader 23
Pretty sure Gene Simmons is exactly what #7 said. And is therefore exactly what they meant.
kaablam 17
But what he REALLY meant was Gene Simmons.
asnakelovinbabe 16
Sorry 34 but I'm pretty sure you're mistaken... He meant Gene Simmons.
RileyTheCoyote 6
Guys c'mon. He means Gene Simmons. Get it together.
cometkeeper00 3
You know what? I'm not fully comprehending what he meant. was it Gene Simmons ( emphasis on the S), or the less popular Gene Simmons (emphasis on the first n)?
wellthen7154 12
Wow you guys did not get it. OBVIOUSLY he meant Gene Simmons the long lost ANTEATER....
dachayke 16
112, you ruined it.
sempiternal80816 9
Holy crap. Seriously? Why didn't she tell you BEFORE you went down on her? FYL OP.
killmenow03 21
There's a button for that ^
egrudy 9
Because after she got hers she was like peace out!
cometkeeper00 3
Yea, because every cheater gives a pre coital life update.
yoursucklives 36
even if she was the girl of your dreams, you shouldn't sleep with her if you know she has a boyfriend. it was still more of a bitchmove on her side, because she shouldn't fool around with other guys.
sempiternal80816 9
He never said he knew that already, so...
yoursucklives 36
that's why i said "if you know..." but i think if it was the girl of his dreams, he would know such things about her!
buttcramp 21
I agree with you #17, since op put it to us that way it leads me to believe he knows her fairly well. Plus these days, you can simply check someone's Facebook to find their relationship status! Still, it's the girl's fault in my opinion. Sounds like a girl that will break your heart, OP (if she didn't already)
razzledazzle21 23
He doesn't necessarily know her well. I could look at a random attractive guy on the street and say he's my dream guy. Sounds like it was probably a bar hookup thing to me.
onlychildFTW 33
145 - my Facebook doesn't tell people anything about me! Not everyone likes the entire world knowing about every minute of their lives.
amyyyf 6
She already did cheat on her boyfriend :/
alicia822 10
That's the point.