Today, I was going to have sex, so I went to my basement to get my builder bear that I had stuffed my condoms in. The bear was gone. My dad gave it to charity. 5ML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my boyfriend gave me a teddy bear. I thought it was a sweet thing to do, until I saw him open a slit in its back while visiting later in the day and removing a bag of weed. He gave me a teddy bear just so he could smuggle drugs past my parents. FML
Today, my girlfriend's dad pulled out the chocolate-flavoured condom that went missing under the couch. FML
Today, I had sex with my girlfriend while my parents were out. After they got home, my dog brought out our used condom. FML
Today, the guy that I have been seeing for over a year left on a business trip. While straightening out his room as a favor, I noticed he took his condoms with him. FML
Today, my mom cleaned up my room. I had a drawer filled with condoms, 2 vibrators, and a bondage kit. She organized the condoms and vibrators in a shoe box. FML
Today, as I was going to hook up with a sex friend, I discovered that my pack of condoms was missing. Then I saw my sister chewing out her two 10-year-old twins, who'd found them in my drawer. This how my family, who had visited me for family dinner, found out about my sexual life. FML
Today, I whacked off with a condom on and left it in the living room waste basket so it looked like I finally had sex with someone. FML
Today, while my boyfriend was packing for his annual hunting trip, I saw him slip a box of condoms into his bag. FML
Today, it was my boyfriend's last night visiting my family. My dog decided to go through the trash, then run up to my dad with one of our used condoms caught in her teeth. My parents didn't even know we were sleeping in the same room. They know a lot more now. FML
Today, I told my dad I was going to Walgreens and asked if he needed anything. He needed condoms, and that I should call him when I get there so he can explain the kind he likes. FML
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Top comments
RedPillSucks 31
Some lucky 6-year-old is going to get a bear AND balloons...
Jdb60 5
That's gonna be a nice surprise.
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Comments (112)
Jdb60 5
That's gonna be a nice surprise.
GEBEH 14
It's npt everyday the oppurtunity to save someones life presents itself!
GEBEH 14
Also why hide condoms in a bear? do you reside with monks? If somone were to ask why you have them just say you got them for free from some STD organization and leave it at that if you're that paranoid.
smokecloud_ 37
There's a lot of conservative parents who would find it unacceptable to have condoms whatever the situation. When I was in high school, my friends and I collected flavored condoms for comedic purposes. (immature schoolgirl giggling over banana condoms teehee) My mom found them and went apeshit. I was still a virgin at the time. :/
SuckMeBeautifu1 24
Conservatives are mentally deficient people, so theres no need to really take their bizarre reactions on board. They are a bad defect and hopefully they will gradually die out.
WhisperSoflty 20
46, that's a pretty dramatic statement. Hoping for political genocide just because you personally disagree with a viewpoint is kind of ****** up. Also, implying that people whose views don't line up with yours are mentally broken shows your own close mindedness. Maybe take a step back and understand what you're saying before you comment again.
WhisperSoflty 20
And now I look like a crazy person because their comment got modded. Yay?
Gearden 8
If you have to go through that then you're probably too young to be having sex.
IxEaTxZoMBieZ 7
#64, that's horse shit. I know plenty of 16 year olds more mature than adults and I know adults that are afraid of letting their parents know about their sex life. some parents are just overbearing
matthew5555555 11
You aren't very prepared if you don't have back up and your family knows where it's at.
Elfkid21 19
I dont know whether to thumb's up this or thumbs down this..... lmfao!!!!
ShannonBitt 29
#64 I'm 18 and my parents would probably go crazy if they found condoms of mine, even if I didn't live with them. They'd still be disappointed if they found them a few years in the future.
abnormalbird 11
Well considering what twelve year olds are doing today, that kid might need them
RedPillSucks 31
Some lucky 6-year-old is going to get a bear AND balloons...
Chris93Jones 20
albeit lubricated balloons, but still!
mallu86 9
Ted is a naughty naughty bear.
vencku 13
I know this isn't entirely on topic, but both this and a previous FML (one down) have the mistake of ending on 5ML instead of FML, leading me to believe they're by the same person. Seems OP decided to become a sugar baby after all.
Ownord_fml 10
I believe that the FML website is 5 years old ^^ (since its french counterpart is currently celebrating its 6 years of service)
samuelbeathard 15
Actually I've seen that one and one other that ended in 5ML. I'm not sure what it is, but maybe it's like that for a specific reason or something.
imaxmain 24
no, its FML 5th birthday. so 5ML
SherlockWho 6
5ml is for fmls 5th birthday.
kugelblitz_ 11
Posted six minutes apart too XD
jrcouture 3
Wait what does 5ml mean
kburl10 10
It's FML's 5th birthday
jrcouture 3
Oh
israelnotjacob 20
FML is not 5 today. Just click on the link to the last page. There are still a few posts from October 2008, making it just over 5 years and 3 months. Unless those FMLs were stolen from somewhere else.
Sophie_fml 29
FML as we know it is 5 this month. We've been through some name changes. You can read all about it here: http://www.fmylife.com/blog/5 :)
bleeping 5
I thought the same thing, israelnotjacob.
kburl10 10
I beat you're beary upset
TheComedyAudio 29
I feel bad for the next kid
TXFernwoods 26
Why would you stuff condoms in a bear? Put them in a drawer.
israelnotjacob 20
Typical move of someone who's probably too young in the first place I think.
Lacist 19
As long as parents don't search your room...
ExplodingNarwhal 8
C
Linemanmike 17
What a Beary good place for them!
Laith 12
Thts the reason why guys should always have spare condoms in their wallets
Peachy2392 26
Keeping a condom in your wallet doesn't always mean it's good to use.
Hiimhaileypotter 52
#12- Ever heard of friction? Lol.
buttcramp 21
this is a terrible plan.
ExcitingChives 10
Build-a-bear* They arent bears that build things.
stargirl_95 24
It could be a bear dressed up as a builder?
crazytwinsmom 25
That would be Bob the Builder.
buttcramp 21
Bob the builder isn't a bear..
ChaoticMC1 10
#83, it's about time I taught you about some slangs...