Today, my wife and I were watching a football game. While someone was about to score, she started screaming, "Go!" and "Come on! You can do it! Go baby, go!" My first thought was that I wished I could still make her scream like that. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I went to my son's soccer game. I cheered his name at the top my lungs and waved with a grin on my face. I saw him whisper something to a team mate so I watched the film my husband took later that night. His friend asked, "Who is that?" and my son replied, "I don't know some fat bitch." FML
Today, for once, I managed to get my boyfriend's mind off the hockey game. I muted the TV and cuddled up to him. Only thirty seconds into snuggling, he shoved me onto the floor and screamed, "GOAL!" FML
Today, the TV was blaring, the kids were yelling, and my wife was blabbering on in my ear. Overwhelmed, I shouted, "EVERYONE QUIET!" I got a second of blessed silence before my kids started screaming and crying, and my wife threw a tantrum, saying, "I married a psycho!" FML
Today, my wife and I were having amazing make up sex after several months of painful separation. Halfway through, she screamed for me to stop, climbed off the bed, and ran into the bathroom. She spent an hour screaming and crying, then came out and emotionlessly told me to leave. FML
Today, I thought it would be romantic to propose to my girlfriend during halftime at a local football game. I arranged everything with the stadium staff. When the moment came, I got down on one knee, only for her to hiss, "Are you serious? Right here?" She ran off, leaving me kneeling in front of hundreds of people. FML
Today, an attractive woman looked in my direction and smiled. My wife saw this and stomped on my foot, and I screamed like a little girl from the pain. People turned and stared. FML
Today, while at a football game, I had my arm around my girlfriend. We were really close and I was just about to kiss her when suddenly her phone rang. It was her dad, telling her he's watching. FML
Today, I was doing it with my girlfriend. Trying to be sexy, I moaned her name. She replied, "What?" FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She promptly had a panic attack and screamed, "No!" FML
Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. She was so happy that she began flapping her hands around and screaming. She was flapping her hands so hard she smacked herself in the face and started crying. FML
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Top comments
EvilLittleMan 23
OP, I think your wife has benched you.
Pleonasm 35
Look, it's not about how well you score, it's about how much of a team player you are.
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Comments (63)
EvilLittleMan 23
OP, I think your wife has benched you.
whos_ur_daddy1 19
Contracts up
jkmartinjk 16
My mom does the same thing while etching sports... DAD!!?!!
tomwantssnow 14
OP might be out for the season... He'll have to work on his plays and strategies a lot before he can go back in
JMichael 25
Well learn some new tricks to spice up that sex life!
iLike2Teabag 27
Or tell the Patriots and LeGarrette Blount to stop bullying the poor Colts. 4 rushing TDs in a playoff game...
gingaa96 18
Maybe he should get a uniform the same as her favorite player and go from there.. That might help
Zebediabolical 43
I agree. A jersey and a helmet isn't that big an investment for a 17-21 week season of weekly sex.
REALAfroninga 11
Maybe he could get the fake dog neighbor to help him.
Weird_situations 13
Awe:( maybe just update your sex life, try new things, be kinky, get her as excited as she gets for football
6FootUnder 11
Lol this girl likes it kinky.
BigD3452 6
"It's never my idea, these young chicks get all horned up and they tell you to go ass to mouth" Clerks II
worldclassrager 39
Practice makes perfect...also maybe she can give you some pointers...
Pleonasm 35
Look, it's not about how well you score, it's about how much of a team player you are.
RedPillSucks 31
So he needs to bring in the special team during sex?
ohio53 6
Time for the hands team
lilmslady 11
you know im pretty sure if you'd just ask her she'd tell you what to do to make it better :/
Haidawg 7
Cum on OP don't feel down. Try something new
Clay_Pidgeon 11
why did you say "cum on", are you trying to be funny? I adda punch you in the face with a brick.
ArmlessSkydiver 7
Try wearing a football jersey and going for the touchdown next time..
Sports_guy3 28
Don't forget the 2-point conversion.
chutney_02 22
At least now you know what to do for foreplay
Bulldozer36 21
The only way to turn her on more is to ask her what she'd like to try. She'll appreciate your willingness to pleasure her better.
Foxfire15 15
Absolutly the truth. Ask her next time.