Today, during dinner, my mom told my dad and me in great detail about the "awesome" new cosmetic surgery idea she just had: constructing earlobes for lobeless ears, using skin taken from women's labia. I was forced to sit through this until I finished my plate. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I found out my mom has been telling my entire family I need surgery on my "Labia" instead of my "Labrum". I went from needing shoulder surgery to needing vagina surgery with one group text. Thanks, mom. FML
Today, my parents hassled me for wanting to get my tongue pierced, saying it was filthy, unprofessional, and degrading. About an hour later, my sister let slip that my nipple is pierced. FML
Today, I told my mom I want to get liposuction. She said "Whats the point? Its not like you can get lipo on your face!". FML
Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to remind me about my non-existent sex life while all the family was having dinner. FML
Today, after getting a root canal, I told my mother how boring it was just sitting there with my mouth open for ages while the dentist did his work. She then told me how she had to do the same kind of thing on her anniversary night with my father. FML
Today, I had to listen to my mom give a detailed description of her date last night to her friends via speakerphone... while I was trapped in the car with her. When I pointed out that I was still in the back seat, she scoffed and told me, "I have a sex life, deal with it." FML
Today, my four year old daughter came up to me with her finger in her ear. She then let me know that her earwax tasted better than the dinner I made. In front of my whole family. FML
Today, I came back home after a year studying abroad. Imagine my surprise when I found out my mom had gotten breast implants while I was away. All through dinner, I kept catching myself staring at them. No wonder my dad was so much happier than when I left. FML
Today, I was taking my earrings out and thought I had lost the back of one. Turns out my ear infection has caused the flesh of my ear to grow around and engulf the back of my earring and it is still stuck in there. FML
Today, I flew home to visit my parents. We haven't seen each other in two years, I've gotten a few tattoos done since, and I knew they wouldn't approve, so I bought whole new outfits that covered everything and looked professional. When I got there, the first thing my mom says to me is, "Is that a nose ring!?" FML
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Top comments
Welshite 39
I'd rather have lobeless ears than wear lady parts on my head.
ByronJess 17
That had to be ear-itating! No...? Okay...
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Comments (106)
johnnyshred612 4
...well, Happy Halloween, I guess.
johnnyshred612 4
Can I ask why this is getting marked down? It was submitted during Halloweentime and... well, pretty horrifying.
DocBastard 38
Because it has nothing to do with Halloween whatsoever. When you get thumbed down, you have two choices: 1) accept it and move on, or 2) find all the people who thumbed you down and kill them. #2 can be tricky, so I'd advise you to go with #1.
Gingerette 8
Number two is much more fun and satisfying, though.
bradyk42 6
You're right Gingerette, that's why I'll dislike you.
johnnyshred612 4
I choose #2. I'm already halfway done.
golden_warrior 23
I would have probably threw up. Your mom needs better business ideas by the way. The simplest business ideas are the ones that make millions.
amDes 11
I rather have my labia any day! Its more useful than my earlobes...
Jjimen1654 9
Yea 2 is right why take the labia which is attached and you have to wait for it to grow to take off extra. Any smart person would use the already readily available foreskin taken from circumcisions.
Welshite 39
I'd rather have lobeless ears than wear lady parts on my head.
gc327072 30
"Don't be such a cuntface"
Enslaved 36
You never know. If I was a burn victim or war veteran-- missing my ears, I would like the option to decide if I would be willing to have that procedure done. There are a great number of women that are having labiaplasty surgeries. I guess due to a rise in ****, some women feel they need to have that pornstar look in order to feel sexy. I think those are the women that would supply the "lobes". Waste not want not. :P
perdix 29
#3, wouldn't you like the feeling of permanently streaking? I guess that was a short-lived fad in the 70's, but Ray Stevens immortalized the craft.
RedPillSucks 31
Sigh, enslaved. Stuff I didn't want to learn
SaturnV 25
"Waste not want not" indeed, but unfortunately, the scenario of labiaplasty patients as skin graft donors might not be entirely practical (assuming the mom's idea would even work). Allogenic (meaning the donor is another person) skin grafts usually trigger an immune response from the host, thus making them highly susceptible to rejection. An autograft (skin taken from a healthy site on the patient's own body) would be a better long-term solution, but does not allow the patient to retain her intact labia AND have grafted ear lobes.
CptObvious98 8
I wouldn't mind having women's labia on my head. I think...
ByronJess 17
That had to be ear-itating! No...? Okay...
nutella_girl_fml 15
Yes :)
SkepticalJohn 4
You could probably hear people coming.
manofmerr 27
HA! it took me three years, but i finally got that.
suri23 11
Lobeless women?
dannnngthatsux 19
Yup. Some by birth, most by accident e.g. car, fire... it's not an arm or an eye but who wants to look like a freak (involuntarily?)
ImAFaker 29
Who wants to look like a freak voluntarily?
Acik91 26
62, don't you know any teenagers?
Cazz91 21
Creativity got taken to a whole new strange level.
ViviMage 39
Hairy earlobes?! No thanks.
dingleberrysteve 6
labia are hairless
BlameTheOwls 14
The inner labia are, but I'm assuming she meant the outer since those are made of skin, not mucus membrane.
Warmonger_Smurf 29
Well that's a whole new lobe for cosmetic surgery, and dinner conversation.
scottyspot 11
lips to lobes! awesome!
TyT63 12
that sounds eerie