Today, I woke up and found $30 slipped under my door with a note that read, "Please buy yourself a quieter vibrator. - Mom and Dad." FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I needed money to go to the movie. I asked my mom if I could reach in her purse and grab a few bucks. When I opened up her purse her phone started to vibrate. I yelled over to my mom that her phone was ringing. She said the phone was next to her. I looked in the purse. It was a vibrator. FML
Today, I gave my mom an extra pillow since the ones in the guest room were too flat and hurt her neck. Hours later, I remembered that I'd stashed my vibrator in that pillowcase during a romantic camping trip with my husband. She found it. FML
Today, the vibrator I ordered online was delivered. I'd paid extra to make sure it would be here before the weekend, so I could sneak it into my room while everyone was gone. My dad decided to stay home all day and answer the door ahead of me. FML
Today, I ran out of underwear and so I went into my mom's drawer to borrow a pair from her. It was then that I found out my mom uses the same vibrator as I do. FML
Today, after assuming I'd been scammed, I finally found the vibrator I ordered over 2 months ago. It was in my mom's bedside cabinet. FML
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
Today, my mother said I'm slipping too deep into depression since my boyfriend left for college in Fresno. Her solution? Buying me a vibrator. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I realized that the vibrator we bought got sent to his parents house. He picked it up from them, brought it home, and we discovered that they had already opened the package. They even tried to hide the evidence by re-taping it. FML
Today, I finally received the vibrator I ordered online. Too bad they labeled what the item was on the outside of the box, and my dad was the one to pick up the packages. FML
Today, I woke up to the sight of a zucchini and a condom on my bedside table, along with a note saying, "I know it's tough being single." Apparently my mom has boundary issues, my dad will laugh at anything, and the fact I just got dumped means nothing. FML
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Top comments
Grayness_ 26
Or you could just use your hand which is free ! :D haha
grahmagog 14
give it back and tell them to buy headphones
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Comments (180)
Grayness_ 26
Or you could just use your hand which is free ! :D haha
Sinistra_Blue 12
Now works without batteries! Buy one get one free!! :p
theTrollGuy 7
Actually, you don't have to buy at all! You already have two... I hope. :|
ElricMustang 23
That was kinda the joke... :/
Sinistra_Blue 12
The joke is only funny if you're not an amputee. If you are then I sincerely apologize. >.>
jasmine2301 25
Duh guys! #38 was trolling!
Kstruggles 15
I'm assuming that you are a guy. One's hand just can't always compete with or fulfil a gal the way a vibrator can.
OctoberJade 12
You're a guy, you don't get it. Once I switched to using a vibrator, my hand just didn't do it for me anymore.
ZeusBeDubsteppin 24
my hand doesnt work fir me very well.. i have small hands
olpally 32
Lol. Awesome mom and dad you have there! Hahaha.
Caitie_kid 8
She should slip a not under their door saying "I need 20 more dollars, vibrators are expensive."
Sweet_Meli 11
Oh the embarrassment D; At least they didn't walk in on you, and had the courtesy to slip you a note ;)
AprylAnn 23
I was thinking the same thing!
grahmagog 14
give it back and tell them to buy headphones
Jasmeent11 15
I don't think they're going to want to listen to music to cover up some smaller noise when they are trying to sleep...
grahmagog 14
then noise cancelling headphones?
vipirius 18
Those usually don't work that well when there's no music playing.
girlbye23 15
Why give it back? Keep the money and slip a note.
naznafeathers 22
Free money? Your life is definitely not ****** :p
150493x 29
Looks like your parents are buzz kills
Became_fml 10
I see what you did there
Axipiter 24
Sigh... We all did, 22.
MoronsAccount1 12
God dammit, 22. This is why people born in 1998 shouldn't be here.
tommylover842 23
Guys give 22 a break. he's new.
MoronsAccount1 12
This has nothing to do with anything here, 40, but 14 siblings? My god. How have you not, you know, ended it yet? lol.
SlapAndTickle 20
#40 I see you're new too. Also, the whole "give so-and-so a break" doesn't fly here either. People have to learn the ropes somehow.
arroberts 10
I have never seen a place more filled with sarcastic, egotistical assholes. Glad to see a place I belong in. But damn...
Axipiter 24
It'd be pretty boring if the only comments were "Awww, I'm so sorry to hear that happened to you. Things will get better! xoxo" Just like it gets boring constantly having someone tell us that they "see what you did there." Being a sarcastic asshole is way more fun.
thisguy22 33
@36 I'm more inclined to blame it on the fact that he is a ginger... But that's just me.
MoronsAccount1 12
It feels like home, 98. It feels like home.
hashshim 23
I mostly visit FML to read comments made by cynical, sarcastic, and clinically narcissistic members.
evan_7899 28
And there is those retards who vote down a sarcastic vote because they are too stupid to understand it and take it as a rude conment
mmahlke93 6
obviously 40s mom didn't need a vibrator
DocBastard 38
$30? Hell, a ***** only costs $8 or $10! According to my research, with that much dough you should be able to afford the Anal Violator 5000XXL. It may not be that quiet, but you surely will NOT be. Enjoy!
Welshite 39
We need Boners here for his expert opinion.
Saone_fml 27
Please tell me where you buy yours, because here a basic one costs MORE than that. ^^
PenguinBitch 43
Yeah Doc, tell everyone where you buy your ******.
TheDrifter 23
I hear the hospital's sexual dysfunction ward gets a great bulk discount...
DocBastard 38
I get mine from hospital Lost and Found. A few wipes with industrial strength cleaner and they are good to go. I mean, what ******? I don't have any ******!
Caitie_kid 8
Any good VIBRATOR is going to cost anywhere between $50-$100+.
manhands21 6
i work at an adult toystore. Anything $30 with thay kind of name isn't worth it.
linyah 11
walgreens has them for under 30$ o3o
botanistjessica 24
I feel like it would be really awkward to buy a ***** at Walgreens.
Spider_Web 11
Just plop a 12" ***** on the counter and try to hold eye contact
linyah 11
that is why you can get them off their site too so the akwardness isn't there..or check groupon too XD
MerrikBarbarian 9
Pink cherry is the best source for cheap quality sex toys. If anything is defective they will exchange or refund it. Refunds arrive in less than 24 hours. They also indicate the noise level on many of their products. Op should really shop there... And no I don't work for them... Just a very... Satisfied customer :p $10 *****? I got mine for $5 if you wait for their sales. The $10-15 vibes I got there are better made than the piece of crap $50 vibe I got from OhMiBod. Yes I have no shame. I used to do sex toy reviews. :p hopefully that info helps people anyways.
amalraj 1
Good advice
mangalomelon 7
what is this thread
Jellybean22 14
Well that's awkward... At least they gave you money
Zaros_fml 24
At least they didn't give you any bad vibes over it.
Became_fml 10
Just buy a premium ***** with that money
vipirius 18
Dude, you're 14. Why are you even on this site?
Kyuubi_Rose 11
Because its a free website with no age control on who can sign up?
Zen_Mei 17
I heard the lipstick vibrator is very discrete
Zaros_fml 24
Did a "friend" tell you that? ;)
monnanon 13
i had the lipstick one. wasnt any quieter than any other bullet but was good for the price.
whatismissing 8
Or the pocket rocket.
Zen_Mei 17
#33 haha google did. I have the 'rabbit ear' tho but er never mind