Today, I received some unwanted anal sex tips. They were unwanted because I'm not into anal sex, and the tips came from my drunk mom. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
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Today, I was waiting downstairs at my boyfriend's house as he got ready to go. His mom came over and said she was so glad her son had met me, that I made him really happy. I smiled thinking how nice that was of her to say. She then continued, "Still, he tells me anal is a no?" FML
Today, my mom tried to give me the sex talk, while I was mounting my boyfriend. FML
Today, a few weeks after coming out to my parents, my mother randomly asked me, "Your father and I have tried anal sex a few times, but it hurts too much. D'you have any advice on what to do?" FML
Today, my mom was helping me clean out stuff from college. She opened a box and took out some anal beads I got as a gag gift. She asked, "What are these?" I answered, "They are for massaging your back". She then insisted I show her. I massaged my mother with anal beads. FML
Today, I was looking for a magazine in my mother's bedside cabinet and I came across some daft test about sex. Apparently, my mother likes anal, oral, and my dad's cock is bent. Nauseous. FML
Today, my mother's boyfriend sent me pictures of my mom sucking him off. FML
Today, my mom came home drunk and crying, so I tried to comfort her and asked what was wrong. She wasted no time admitting that she'd hooked up with her ex-husband, AKA my dad, but that it'd sucked for her because he has a tiny penis. Thanks, I really needed to know that. FML
Today, my drunk mom informed me that out of all my potential brothers and sisters she’s swallowed over the years she’s "glad" I’m the one she "accidentally drooled onto her crotch, swam up her fanny and invaded" her "virgin egg." This kind of shit is why I moved out at 16 and still have a therapist. FML
Today, my mom came home heavily drunk. As I was taking care of her, she told me all about how I was a mistake. That didn't hurt nearly as much as when she told me she wishes I'd died during her pregnancy. FML
Today, my mom threw my tampons in the garbage and said that from now on, I'll be buying pads instead. Turns out she read a scare story going around by email that all the local teens are soaking their tampons in alcohol and inserting them anally to secretly get drunk. FML
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Top comments
FlyingPie 17
At first I thought the word "tips" was being used as a double entendre.
RoboCunnilingus 23
Anal sex tips from drunk mom? -changes porno-
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Comments (73)
FlyingPie 17
At first I thought the word "tips" was being used as a double entendre.
MickiJ 20
She just wants to see you succeed, like any caring mother would! But yea, in all seriousness, ew.
Zazoo1995 23
Don't knock it till you try it..!;)
WhisperSoflty 20
21, there's nothing wrong with someone finding the idea of anal unappealing, just like there's nothing wrong with liking it. I personally agree with #3 and don't see the draw. You clearly do and that's a-ok. Different strokes for different folks and all that jazz.
MickiJ 20
#21&37: My ew was more directed at the fact that the tips came from OP's mum, not that they were on anal sex. (:
mfmylifesrsly 29
37 - of course everyone has their own sexual preferences. But I do agree that it doesn't hurt to try something at least once before you say you don't like it. I used to think anal was gross and degrading, then I tried it out and I love it now.
Enslaved 36
Butt it might-- hurt to try something at least once --if it's not done correctly the first time. :P
termin8tor786 10
@42, Marry me!!
Goblin182 26
Did you mean "****"?
Goblin182 26
That didn't post where I meant for it to post.
Poppipuff 14
42- You're going to get a lot of messages...
theaaxis 27
I think your mom has some suspicions about you xD
Judahsh 8
Mother's wise words
Chikiriwak 17
Wisdom comes from your mother, you should consider them.
NoFlippinWai 24
my mom has always been a great teacher of many things. I am glad this is not one of the aubjects she preaches about.
perdix 29
Was she illustrating her techniques with a rectal thermometer?
Jjimen1654 9
No, just her pink *****.
RoboCunnilingus 23
Anal sex tips from drunk mom? -changes porno-
chris_42 11
There's no need to be so anal about it, you'll get over it.
Steve95401 49
OP's mom didn't rear him very well. He probably is the butt of a lot of jokes.
herh1996 6
Gee thanx mom
uoeno_fml 20
Pah, when is anything anal unwanted?
DJisHere11 19
When a fist is involved.
mn_shr 22
Beads, don't forget the beads.
graceinsheepwear 33
Hemorrhoid.
fsomelife 26
People.
rocker_chick105 31
Or Red Foreman's foot