Today, I was making love to my fiancée, when she dug her nails into my back and told me to "choke" her like I did last night. I was at work last night. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, as my girlfriend and I were making love, and she started to moan and groan. All of a sudden, she stopped and said, "I'm lying, you suck at this." FML
Today, while making love to my wife, I felt adventurous and told her to hit me. She didn't so much as hesitate before savagely slapping me with her ring hand. Now I'm back home from the hospital, with stitches closing up a huge gash on my cheek. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting heated. I kissed her on the neck, chest, stomach, and threw up as I kissed between her legs. FML
Today, I was being a little playful with my boyfriend when we began wrestling. He then put me in a choking headlock and wouldn't let me out until I "tapped out". FML
Today, before I went to work, I wanted to kiss my wife goodbye while she was asleep, She punched me. FML
Today, I leaned over my sleeping girlfriend, kissed her cheek and told her I love her. She punched me in the ear. FML
Today, while my girlfriend and I were making out, she went to fix the pillow behind her head and punched me straight in the face. FML
Today, my girlfriend screamed that I was a "filthy, sex-crazed pig-man" because I grabbed her ass. We were in her house, alone, and she was in the middle of giving me a long, deep kiss after I'd gotten off work. FML
Today, I had a panic attack because my boyfriend thought it would be sexy to choke me in the middle of sex. FML
Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML
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Top comments
iemislayer 10
Dump her cheating ass
Wiringify 22
Hopefully she just mistook the date.
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Comments (164)
iemislayer 10
Dump her cheating ass
TrueDragons 2
First, he should choke her for real
Jessj958 19
She might like it too much. She doesn't even deserve that!
i_luv_dogs 10
I'm thinking that maybe a stranger came in and had sex with OP's fiancé, posing as OP.
Crazafon 19
And I'm thinking you are wrong
minzzy 8
#52, I'm going to agree with you, maybe she wasn't aware that it was someone else. It may have been in the dark. It could have been a ghost... but that's just what I think. Let the thumbing down begin.
tjv3 10
Today I was making love to my newly ex
rawr_ily96 24
Maybe she was dreaming and thought it was real? No? Okay. Fine. She was cheating. Soooo yeah. Dump her ass.
supertacowaffle 41
I think he should choke her for real and choke the guy who originally choker her.
XDsmileyDX_fml 24
@98, you dawg, i heard you like choking.
hamizami 3
choke
dalink 24
It's ok. The secretary from Archer sleeps with everyone!! You're not special.
laney_bug_ 11
@52, yeah, maybe it was Tate in a rubber suit. Ahs ftw
Wiringify 22
Hopefully she just mistook the date.
timelessone 16
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Oh yeah let's just hope....girls don't forget shit. That's why stuff comes up two years later in an argument with them.
jizzwold 21
Good old stereotypes.
Enslaved 36
Mistaking the date would be one thing. If I were the OP, I'd be more concerned if I never chocked her, ever? Maybe lack of oxygen those other kinky nights effected her memory. :P
gloooooria 14
With them? Lol. If shit comes up two years later it means it was never resolved in the first place. And if it was resolved and still brought up then she never really made her peace with it the first time.. Communication is very important in all relationships.
culito_fml 10
I wouldn't be so naive. How do you mistake a date on the day before? I guess it would come down to whether he chokes her at all to know if it was mistake or cheating
Googolman 29
Either way, I think OP would remember "choking" her.
domolovesyoshi 33
I'm a girl and I frequently forget loads of stuff
Catdragon 40
I have horrible memory, plus I sometimes confuse my dreams with reality. I start talking about my dreams as if they actually happened and then I realize they were just a dream or I mistake something that happened in real life for a dream.
TheHarvest 7
to the curb she goes.
TourettesGuyFTW 25
Curb is too good for her. In a trash can is more deserving.
cieloalicia 16
Am I the only one frightened by this?
silencebabyy 23
#8 if she was cheating i dont think she'd admit it like that. it seems like she honestly thought it was him. like in the movie Little Man or A Haunted House in both, either wife thought it was their husband they were having sex with when it was someone else.
Hollandiscrazy 12
#15: So you are now seriously comparing a movie to real life? Not so smart...
MrConcise 34
@22 - Of course he is. Are you telling me there isn't a magical land of sentient toys and cars, singing mermaids, and robot love?
ijayp 11
15, you have a good point that but comparing to a movie is a bad idea. Plus, alot of people slip up on their secrets when they are in the heat of a moment.
OhDearBetrayal 25
22- There have been real life cases where women thought they were having sex with their partners but it ended up being some rapist who posed as them. Movies aren't purely make believe, you know.
rosenkrieger223 24
I'm inclined to think scenarios like that are VERY few and far between. Like someone else said, people tend to slip up in the heat of the moment, and she's most likely just a cheating bitch. Infidelity seems more and more common these days unfortunately...
stevenJB 25
have you ever seen the first season of the american horror story? it happens there
BrookieAnn 19
Hmmmm....I'd say do what she asks and then deal with her cheating ass later xD
woRRdz 8
Well theres an up and down side on that lol
TheDrifter 23
Doing what she asks will deal with her. It's all a matter of duration.
ilianaaa 8
me and the ops girlfriend have something in common.. I honestly like it rough in bed also
dathan 14
Okay. Thanks.
noobienick 19
And you're telling us this....why?
xx000o 27
Honor her wish.
TourettesGuyFTW 25
Is Wayne Brady gonna have to choke a bitch?!
bassfisher100 23
until the life leaves her eyes.... jk. don't kill people but definitely leave.
worldclassrager 39
Well it's not to late to break it off...better than an affair while Married...that might not sound right but I hope it's understandable...
Mortoli 30
Lol good thing he didn't find out on their wedding night lol
Wizardo 33
Choke out the truth before you do anything OP, I'm sure she just got mixed up while you did your thing dude ;)
kaitlynjane 28
Do what she asks and then after you finish, lean in and whisper "I wasn't here last night." ... And then kick her ass out.
ladytigerhunts 20
Ooh, I like that! Let her pause in shock and think, "Oh holy..." And boom. Kicked out. :)
rosenkrieger223 24
I agree. That does sound like it'd be awesome/hilarious. lol
dancinwookie 21
My fiance actually did this to one of his ex-girlfriends after he found out she was sleeping with pretty much everyone in town. She tried to run him over with her car the next day. Legendary. It is a poignant way to break up with a tramp though.
websphere69 27
sounds like a well deserved plan to me...
soapmactavish82 8
Interesting response, I like the way you think
ladytigerhunts 20
She is obviously cheating, OP, and it's a good thing that you guys weren't married. There'll be no hassle with filing for divorce, and all the hocus pocus stuff. FYL, and I hope you'll find a woman that is loyal to the bone.
Bibliovore 26
I wouldn't be so quick to declare that she's "obviously cheating" just on the basis of this short FML post. I've talked to people and referred to something we said or did "yesterday" only to realize it was actually many days ago. I'd _ask_ her about it, certainly, but I wouldn't jump to accusative conclusions quite so fast.
rosenkrieger223 24
You may be right, but that doesn't change the fact that it's incredibly suspicious. Say it was actually a few days ago, one would think that OP would remember that and go "honey, that was actually a couple days ago. I was at work last night, but sure, that sounds fun!"
Bibliovore 26
Could be. Or it could be that OP _did_ remember it, but that wouldn't have made as FMLish a post. OP, want to chime in here?
rosenkrieger223 24
Yeah, maybe he tweaked it to fit this site better. I agree that OP does need to chime in and clarify a few details here.