Today, I almost lost my virginity at the age of 34. After years of putting off sex and waiting for marriage, the moment arrived. My new wife could't stop laughing at how small I am. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I was about to lose my virginity. I couldn't get it up. FML
Today, I lost my virginity. It took all of 30 seconds. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to the woman of my dreams. I finished before entering. I'm 28 years old. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other, or so I thought. I heard her on the phone with her sister saying that I’m definitely the smallest dick she’s ever had, but the size of my bank account encourages her to overlook my shortcomings. FML
Today, at age 31, I was about to finally lose my virginity. As we tumbled onto the bed, an excruciating pain shot through my stomach. It turned out to be a hernia, and no, I didn't get laid in the end. FML
Today, I was all set to lose my virginity to my girlfriend. I was ecstatic, until she threatened to "beat the fuck" out of me if I didn't make it good for her. The actual sex was 30 seconds of me being given death glares, causing me to lose my boner, and have to leave in shame. FML
Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend of 7 years. He thrusted as fast as rabbits. I waited years for 10 seconds. FML
Today, it was the first time I was about to have sex with my girlfriend of 3 years, since I'm self-conscious about my size. When she saw it, she started laughing. She was mad I didn't want to continue. FML
Today, I finally lost my virginity. Too bad it cost me every last shred of self-respect and involved begging a hooker to take my money. FML
Today, I was finally all set to lose my virginity. My girlfriend pushed me onto the bed and pulled off my underwear. She then made a face as if she'd just sucked on a lemon, and got up and left without a word. I haven't heard from her since. FML
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Top comments
mackdeezy 22
Its not about the size of the boat, rather the motion in the ocean.
KeXu 6
Don't worry you'll always be bigger than me
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Comments (209)
camillewhite1 12
ahaha. ah.
meihua 19
Why hello, pointless first comment
KeXu 6
Don't worry you'll always be bigger than me
j_cat187 19
Why? Did you chop off your penis? Are you actually a girl?
texashater75 16
I guess the saying is true that if you don't use it, you loos it. Maybe you can convince her that the opposite is true and that if you get to use it more it will get bigger.
cosicosei 22
there's always a reason behind why people do things.... or in this case, don't do things... hehe
j_cat187 19
Penis in a pencil sharpener? An unfortunate smelting accident? Did a shark bite it off? Did it get caught in a door?
Dr0reos 8
It's not that your organ is small, you're just not used to playing in city hall dude
IxCallxBULLSHIT 9
And You must be Leslie Chow!
brivielle 15
OP knew he had a smalll one. you need more experience than the regular-sized ones. Too bad you have none
mackdeezy 22
Its not about the size of the boat, rather the motion in the ocean.
MrSassypants 33
But too much motion and the small boat would be finished very easily.
diablodeldragoon 6
you ever tried crossing the Atlantic in a row boat? you may get there but its gona take forever.
perdix 29
#3, if the boat can't even maneuver into the harbor, there won't be any motion at all.
gc327072 30
^just as well, a row boat docking at a container ship harbor would be ridiculous.
JenkJenks 6
And if that harbor laughs at you when your boat approaches, then you probably won't be docking very often.
error404n0tf0und 21
by the looks of it Titanic had to much motion
rahulcool7 14
#73- Too soon
kait11 16
I feel like to an extent that's true... But then in some cases I also feel like that's what little guys say to make them feel better about themselves.
j_cat187 19
My boat is capsized at the bottom of the Atlantic.
EsotericBrent 29
Tell her "Looks like a needle, moves like a sewing machine"
Chumsword 8
Hopefully there isnt a small craft advisory...
1217jonathan 15
If you don't get destroyed and fail...
malkavian_mad 13
He's a virgin, so it's like a blind man in a rowboat trying to crosss the atlantic.
DDCA 24
That's just something guys with small dicks say.
summerguy97 16
True, but you're not gonna get anywhere with a dingy. Also, you wouldn't want the titanic crashing into your harbor.
center 5
Apparently his wife disagrees.
kyu_Q 19
If the ocean can't feel the boat the motion is pointless.
Kc1001 14
Yes!
Mandylol101 10
I agree. Its not the size that matters its how you use it and what you can do with it
SS99_fml 20
Woah dude that really really sucks...you should sit down with her and let her know that it doesn't feel nice at all to be treated like that, she should be more sensitive...that being said, Maybe you can try to go down on her and use toys for the time being?
DerrickJames 33
Kudos to you for using the comments section for something that actually helps!
tygerarmy 35
Like #5 said you really have to talk to your wife. If she loves you she shouldn't have laughed at you. While I respect but disagree with your decision to wait, you should've at least talked about sex and expectations. And if you can't reconcile this, tell her your penis may be small, but everything looks small when compared to the Grand Canyon.
kirasant 19
Sorry, OP. You should never be treated like that, especially by someone you love and married. Talk to her, maybe even go in for some family counselling. That was just awful of her and a huge breach of trust.
HiIAmKevin 8
Or tell her she has a large mouth ******...
rabidpeach 5
?for time being" before a pienus pump session? ... before a transplant from a jew/african? ... before a sex change operation and the hormone pills op should've been taking the whole time?
coffeeman92 5
I don't think any guy has used toys
martinez121797 15
Wrong person I guess
SamanthaCassieL 10
Not cool OP. I'm sorry that happened... You two just need to find positions that work. Doggy can get deep so it's good for both of you ;) good luck!
Pleonasm 35
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I bet that killed your boner, not that there is any difference there. Sorry OP that was a dickmove, I meant to say that you needle to have a talk to her about what hap-pins when you insult someone like that. I hope she chode a little more respect once she saw she hurt your feelings.
3rdbass 9
Pun Sandwhich
Pleonasm 35
Anyone hungry? Got some fresh cocktail sausages in them for you guys!
3rdbass 9
Not hungry, but you're on a roll.
charvisioku 22
Aw come on Pleo, there was a sausage roll joke just waiting to rear its head right there.
Dilwann 27
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
And that's one of the reasons why I don't think waiting with sex until marriage is a good thing.
JenkJenks 6
Because your penis is small?
lizzy_babyy 9
Waiting has nothing to do with it.
musiciangirl591 16
yeah, what happened to OP had nothing to do with him waiting until marriage
toelie 26
True, but if he hadn't waited he would've found out she was an insensitive cow before marrying her.
420Zombie 17
yeah, if you don't use it, you lose it.
perdix 29
#10, you are right. I can see waiting until you are in a committed relationship to have sex, but I can't see waiting until after the legal bond is formed to do it. I'm amazed that wife had never even seen or touched his penis (even through his pants) and realized it was very small. Their chastity has caused a big problem.
TehCezar 5
Yes it does, they're sexually (and arguably emotionally) incompatible, and that stayed hidden because they waited. I think waiting until marriage is bullshit. When you buy a car, you take it for a test drive, right?
JoeRogansBEARD 15
81 not unless you have insurance
skyeyez9 24
Why not? Did you read the news in the US, there currently are like 172 MILLION people currently being treated for sexually transmitted diseases? Out of a population of 300 million, that is awful. Yeah, I am sure they are glad they didn't wait...and their partners too.
MetallicaFTW 16
Ever heard of contraception?
LAuroraD 17
Completely agree
challan 19
I'm guessing that means that she didn't wait along with you? That was cruel and insensitive of her, I'm sorry. My spam folder tells me daily that there is hope for your small package! But, I wouldn't count on it. Just find a woman that fits you perfectly. We don't all want a monster ****. (they are scary looking!)
perdix 29
#13, especially the ones with the googly eyes!
AKGirlinSD 20
13, I'm glad you mentioned not all women want a huge ****. Some women have small vaginas and are short internally, which is a bad combo when it comes to having sex. It becomes extremely painful for the woman.
LemonandLime 13
No such thing as a ****** that's too small. No penis has ever been bigger than a babys head! There is such a thing as not being relaxed enough though.
Intrigue 3
They're not referring to elasticity/girth. That's a different story. However, some women are simply built smaller length-wise and one that's too big basically means playing knock-knock with you cervix. NOT FUN. They even have adult products to make up the difference. A man can be too LONG for a woman.
Rababco 29
@197 That sounds like it would make child-birth really difficult and would lead to complications. A C-section would probably be the safest choice for these women.
SaniK 17
You realize that a baby head only comes out when extreme hormones forces the ****** to dilate and it's a very painful experience.
Wizzlbang 10
Use it or lose it, meng.