Today, my boyfriend and I got into a serious argument and he stormed out of the house mad. Why? I wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of his knob. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, my husband had a temper tantrum because I wouldn't get him a chocolate bar at the store register. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got into an argument; however, his new-found passion for hardcore rapping meant that he tried to "diss" me using bad rhymes and ill thought-out putdowns. It was ridiculous, and didn't really make any sense, so I started giggling. He stormed off, grumbling. FML
Today, my boyfriend was disgusted because I dropped a Skittle on the floor and ate it. He thought peeing on me in the shower was just fine. FML
Today, after eating out with my boyfriend, we went for a drive, but ended up getting into an argument. I reached back to grab my bag and storm out of the car. He thought I was trying to take the restaurant's doggy bag and lunged at me. My boyfriend would rather save chicken than our relationship. FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me a fancy chocolate candy and I got angry at him for forgetting that I'm allergic to chocolate and threw the candy into the garbage disposal. Turns out, he had spent a ton of money getting a chocolatier to put an engagement ring inside the candy that I just destroyed. FML
Today, I got into an argument, followed by the silent treatment from my boyfriend, because I told him that he should change his underwear daily. FML
Today, I was being playful with my boyfriend and put a chocolate between my legs. He bit the chocolate. My lips too... FML
Today, I got into a huge fight with my boyfriend after driving 200 miles to see him. While arguing, I told him I never wanted to see him again and left after slamming the front door. I left my car keys in his kitchen. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I got into a heated argument. He raised his hand like he was going to hit me. Having been hit by my ex before, I panicked and instinctively kicked his legs out from under him. He then dumped me because he said he was just gonna scare me, but I used real violence on him. FML
Today, I realized how visibly upset my boyfriend got whenever a certain female friend leaves. When my other friend and I teased him about secretly being in love with her, he completely lost it. He threw a temper tantrum, spilled milkshake all over the floor, and stormed out of the mall. It was just a joke. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
HowieDoIt 21
Would she prefer whipped cream and nuts?
perdix 29
What's wrong with you? Chocolate syrup is so great, I'll bet a lot of dudes who aren't even gay would lick it off. Not me, I'm on a diet.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (160)
HowieDoIt 21
Would she prefer whipped cream and nuts?
The_Thinker 18
#16 - Your sense of humour is questionable.
Bakarra 22
Who covers their doorknob with all these things? You wouldn't be able to use the door... *sexually oblivious*
RedPillSucks 31
I write "slippery when wet" on my knob. Actually, it's more like a club than a knob.....
abu4u 26
OP is a very bad girlfriend. Here was I thinking women love chocolate!
SuperKnuckels 6
"you know what else could go with this sundae? some nuts.. Oh nevermind, cause you'll be chalk full of them in a few minutes"
KingDead 18
That's what she didn't understand ;] #68
Bakarra 22
Ah 97 I can see it now...OP walks into the room and notices her boyfriend has this stupid ass giggly look on his face and he motions to the other side of the room where there's a doorknob covered in icecream toppings
HKCgrimmjow 15
For some reason I think it should have been "here I was" not "here was I" just my opinion though, I'm not an English teacher or anything.
KingDead 18
Someone gets me! Haha #98
Bubbelz 25
126 Woah! Get a room, you two :)
KingDead 18
-thumbs down- 141 hahah.. I always get negative votes because people don't see the views in my humour.. [or way of being, to be completely off topic] So, it's refreshing sometimes!
XxQueenofPuppets 10
Everything is better with chocolate! At least he was being considerate
RedPillSucks 31
Unless he's a unique eunuch, nuts are always included
XxgreymoonxX 8
Would make giving head more enjoyable on the girls part .-.
icepick23 12
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
You are so mean! People who are selfish in bed disgust me.
AninOnin 24
Maybe she just wasn't in the mood? People who expect sex whenever they want it, without regard for their partners, disgust me.
MeLikeBigBoom 8
Selfish? What the hell? It her choice whether she wants to give someone a ******* or not.
Pleonasm 35
What is your big deal? So she has to comply to his every whim? It doesn't work like that. Relationships are compromises and they're a balance of two people. It can't just be, "I wan't you to suck this chocolate syrup off me now. Do it aready!" No.
taylor714 7
let me guess you one of those guys that say i want a ******** but doesnt returne the favore
Cartera 10
24 - Let me guess, you're one of those people who can't spell correctly.
bamagrl410 31
3 - If by selfish you mean someone who doesn't do everything you want when you want it, then you'll be sorely disappointed when you enter the real world. Just because OP didn't comply this time doesn't mean she hasn't in other ways. And who knows, maybe the boyfriend is the selfish one. But I don't think there's enough info here for you to make a judgement like that.
jc10x 8
24- Let me guess, your one of those idiots who have mistaken the OP for her boyfriend
Pleonasm 35
So did he waltz out of the house with chocolate syrup still on his knob then? Ahaha I've heard of dick cheese but not dick syrup. What next, dick noodles? Oh no... what have I done.
travtxson 5
Just.....stop
jem970 19
Dick cheese? O_O I have not heard that term before... I just gagged.
asnakelovinbabe 16
Go home Pleonasm! You're drunk!
Pleonasm 35
Every day's St.Paddy's for me, aye. Craic and banter well doused in beer!
RedPillSucks 31
Damn you Pleo.... Now I'm sitting here thinking of the guy running of with syrup on his knob. Sigh... Now I question my sexuality. Where's my mother-in-law shrink.
Thursday737 7
49, see: smegma
WhatsYOURname6 25
Nice to see someone else who uses the word 'Craic'!
Sonata90 26
You're so funny!
ahc123 4
Hahaha!!!! but seriously, FYL Op!!
Myo_fml 20
You must have terribly poor reading comprehension skills if it took you that long to read that.
ilmanator 7
I hate when people put ******* millions of exclamations at the end of their sentence
Reaper1984 13
That brings a whole new meaning to sexually frustrated
oddball1972 10
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Why the hell wouldn't you lick it off ??
lilhellian 26
Because not all girls are into that.. If you can't respect your gf then you shouldn't have one..
TheElBurrrito 21
#27, what about a boyfriend? I mean..... what?!?!
oddball1972 10
They are women !!! They don't deserve our respect
fordneagles 34
Why not?
Old unused 13
Oh, I don't know. Why don't you ask and find out?
capodanno 4
I'm with you, I thought "why the hell not?" I'm sure there was a good reason. The only thing I can think of is that it wasn't actually chocolate.
AshBash2211 14
Man I wish my boyfriend would try stuff like that!
asnakelovinbabe 16
I know right!!! What a perfectly good waste of syrup and a boner this FML was.
Bubbelz 25
So far for OP's exciting sex life.
Joe9024 20
You can make suggestions in bed too, #9
amn831 17
Doing this is actually pretty great. You should of tried it!
buckeyed 20
i sense a banana split joke here
Twistedfates 2
Did you guys banana split up after. Haha oh yes.
no_lungs 16
^ hahahaha YES!